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Old 12-06-2016, 04:14 PM   #12191
MaxJoker
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Guess who I saw today ? ,

Everybody I looked at !
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Old 12-07-2016, 12:22 PM   #12192
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A panda walk into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
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Old 12-08-2016, 01:05 PM   #12193
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Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" askes the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:22 PM   #12194
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If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:52 PM   #12195
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A Viking warrior, Rudolf is one of the earliest scientists, particularly interested in what will be known as meteorology. Rudolf is a tall, luxuriantly ginger haired and bearded man. In fact, his sense and use of mosses is uncanny, and his group consult him before boarding ship heading for pillage. His wife is less certain. One day, Rudolf goes out of the hut, sniffs the air and looks at the moss. "Hmm... postpone sailing... high winds and precipitation imminent.." "What rubbish! How can you be sure by sniffiing!" says the wife. "Rudolf The Red knows rain, dear...."
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Old 12-09-2016, 12:40 PM   #12196
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A daughter asked her mother, "Mom, how do you spell 'scrotum'?" Her mom replied, "Honey, you should have asked me last night--it was on the tip of my tongue."
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A man and his wife are having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you donig in bed this late?" She replied, "Getting a second opinion."
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Old 12-09-2016, 02:13 PM   #12197
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A long married couple are sitting watching TV when the husband smacks his wife in the head saying, "That's for being a lousy lay!" Ten minutes later she smacks him back saying, "That's for knowing the difference!"
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Old 12-09-2016, 02:55 PM   #12198
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tygrkhat40 View Post
A long married couple are sitting watching TV when the husband smacks his wife in the head saying, "That's for being a lousy lay!" Ten minutes later she smacks him back saying, "That's for knowing the difference!"

So my Irishmen joke was old huh???
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Old 12-10-2016, 07:29 AM   #12199
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Red face Am currently reading a book about a paper towel , finding it very absorbing

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Old 12-10-2016, 07:45 AM   #12200
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I used to work for an origami business until it folded..
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