The VEF Members Novel - Page 2

Estreeter · February 25th, 2011, 12:47 AM

....The dreaded KY jelly I thought, I was in fear now, real fear, here I was in a dark hallway with she males, banned members and a couple of hideous creatures that came in from the dark. All I could do was run like a coward. Up the stairs, down the hallway, out the front door and into the storm. The rain was sideways rain, I sheltered under a tree and looked at my front door while getting my breath back after the cowardly escape. Reaching into my pocket for a cigarette to help me calm down, it was then I noticed the 2 hideous creatures I let in my house come running out faster than I did, behind them was a swarm of the she males. Tabler ran one way, GreenSkull the other. "Great" I thought, they've let them out. I couldn't go back, was far to dangerous. So I set off for the relative safety of town, I hoped.........

**grossnex** · February 25th, 2011, 06:23 AM

...The road to town led Estreeter through the woods, where he ran into a shadowy figure smoking a rather pungent cigarette in the dark. The unknown man beckoned for him to come forward. Stepping closer, Estreeter noticed the man was wearing a hockey mask & holding a machete in his right hand.

"Grossnex, I knew it was you. Have you seen any shemales hanging around out here? A bunch of them escaped from the dungeon," Estreeter asked as he accepted the pungent cigarette from Grossnex's outstretched hand.

"Nope, no shemales out here brother. Not yet anyway, but you know they like to hang out where there's wood. You know what I mean? Fuhgeddaboudit! Where you headed?" Grossnex gestured toward town & asked, "That way?"

"Yeah, I figure it would be safer in town," Estreeter replied.

"Well, you're going to need this," Grossnex handed him the machete he had been holding. "It happened a few hours ago. The town's been taken over by everything posted in the What annoys you the most thread. I had to get out of there brother."

Estreeter couldn't believe it. How could this happen? How could one town ever be that annoying?!!

"Well, good luck my brother. It's hockey season. Let me know if you ever need tickets to a Devils game." They shook hands & Grossnex was gone in an eye blink, leaving Estreeter to ponder which fate was worse. Shemales or every conceivable annoying human trait known to VEF? It was a good thing he still had that pungent cigarette...

eek · February 25th, 2011, 08:42 AM

...shame he forgot the matches. Suddenly, a familiar tune starts getting louder and is the one Estreeter does not want to hear. Yes - it's that damn "Finally" song from Priscilla Queen of the desert.

His temp hits the roof and he's about to bite somebody when Moderator tabler shows up to rescue.

"Hey, a couple of birds are giving me the eye mate. Come on - let's chat them up" says tabler. {sigh} "Real women - I owe you one mate" says Estreeter when the last orders announcement is heard from the bar.

**Greenman** · February 25th, 2011, 11:57 AM

Meanwhile from his secret lair inside the north pole "So they think I am a man and half woman do they? Little do they realise that I GreenMan am infact a meglomaniacal toad, hell bent on the destruction of VEF, working to bring it down from the inside. Thanks to a magician friend of mine I can disguise myself as bit of HTML code as well as keep on being chairman of the League of Supervillains, whilst quietly running a less than secret temping agency in Penge."(cue manic laugh- "Today VEF, tomorrow the world!" Miles away in a small bar just outside Watford...

MaxJoker · February 25th, 2011, 12:00 PM

A breathless Tabler finally caught up to GreenSkull, he hadn`t been running he`d just realised they were miles from any pub and had begun to have a panic attack.

"GS what`s happened, where were you , where is everyone else , and who am i ?"

" Calm down mate , try tasting this sap it might take the edge off " GreenSkull said knowingly .

Tabler looked round expecting to see a recently blocked member or something as that was the only sap he could think of. Then GreenSkull noticing the confusion motioned with his head . He was leaning up against a giant oak tree casually carving a heart above the name Estreeter and tree sap was visible on the bark between the groves. Although tough bastard that he was he wasn`t carving the heart with a knife but with his middle finger.

" Doesn`t that hurt " Tabler asked .

" What unrequited love , sure it hurts but where would we be without it " GreenSkull replied . Before suddenly lighting a stogie , the brief flicker of light exposing his pained expression.

Tabler was about to explain what he`d actually meant when a howl sounded out off in the distance .

"By the holy Bollocks of Buddha what was that ?" Tabler exclaimed.

GreenSkull stood up away from the tree , his poncho caught the breeze and blew to one side giving a glimpse of his emerald handled side arm. he straightened his cowboy hat.
Tabler rubbed his eyes , even the glass one in his back pocket " Huh how the fuck are you suddenly dressed like Clint East....."
"Ssssh " GreenSkull put a finger to his now unshaven looking mouth " The howling is getting closer , listen " He pointed behind Tabler into the black heart of the Forrest , then pointed again using his finger.

Tabler could hear the noise growing louder , and despite being terrified he stepped forward towards the noise. Because he was a Mod , not least a Vintage Erotica Forum Mod , in other words , a bloody fool.

" What do you think it is GS "

"No idea mate, might be a woman who`s just been told she`s in the wrong, a bear with a beehive shoved up it`s arse , or hell could even be Marlon after accidentally reading one of Greenman`s posts .

" Huh we`ve all been there right " Tabler grimly smiled.

" Yes and all still have the mental scars to prove it " GreenSkull said turning wistfully to look at the full moon.

"Scoundrel stop doing that " Tabler shouted.

" Sorry " Scoundrel said pulling up his velvet Gucci underpants and Marks and Spencer jeans " So what`s up bitches " .

"That noise is what`s up " Tabler said , barely able to contain his fury .

"Oh" Replied Scoundrel " Sounds like we`ve got a tough fight on our hands then friends "
With that he lay on the Forrest floor and fell fast a sleep.

" Shouldn`t we try and wake him up " Asked GreenSkull

"Look the midwife and Doctor who helped deliver him didn`t manage it so what chance do we have ? " Tabler gruffly responded .

The howling was getting closer . Tabler`s hands began to shake , he felt weak and dizzy. Not through fear but because it`d now been a full three hours since he`d last had a drink.He felt perspiration gathering on his forehead . Luckily though his eyebrows met in the middle so none of the sweat went into his eyes. The howling grew closer , not only that but there was now an audible sound of trees being uprooted and broken . Almost as if whatever was wailing was strong enough to uproot whole trees from the very earth itself and then break them over it`s knee.

"Uuuuuuh maybe we might be better off jogging that way " Tabler said motioning in the opposite direction to them both.

GreenSkull grinned at him his eyes shining " You go mate , me i like a challenge" .

Yet with that suddenly the maelstrom of noise and destruction was upon them , it would do no good for Tabler to start running , for it was here.
Tabler looked it full in the face , opened his trembling mouth and uttered the words ......................

**HugoHackenbush** · February 25th, 2011, 02:32 PM

"The non-thanking zombies!" Thousands of them!"

Greenskull could only shake his head in pity.

"I've tried. Truly I have." he muttered. "However shame and sarcasm no longer seem to work. Since being cut off from Model ID requests, they now thirst for blood. Mod blood. The time has come for stronger measures."

He reached down to fondle his...

MaxJoker · February 25th, 2011, 03:35 PM

Pony Wild Bess

" Now wait a second " Shouted Tabler over the moans and hideous howls emanating from the zombie horde " You suddenly dressed like a lame stunt double from a Fist Full Of Dollars is one thing , but a pony ?"
Lifting the pony effortless above his head GreenSkull yelled back " No time for explanations old chum , those aren`t just Zombies we`re facing , those are unthanking Zombies "

"The worst kind " Said Scoundrel yawning , then turning over and going back to sleep"

"Exactly " Replied GreenSkull as he hurled Wild Bess into the throng " There that should buy us some time let`s get out of here .

As the Zombies started munching into Bess our inept heroes back tracked towards a snoring Scoundrel , and both grabbed a leg.

" Quick make a wish " Tabler winked.

Then before either of them could something erupted from under the ground !

They looked and gasped because it was ...................

February 25th, 2011, 04:01 PM

.......... followed by stupid and non sensical statements. Greenskull and Tabler, the brokeback boys of VEF, looked at each other quizically.

"There is only one person I know who comes out with such ludricous statements" squeaked tabler, in his best Cheryl Cole voice

"I know" replied Green Skull "but, I thought he was history"

It was then that their worst fears were confirmed, as appearing before their eyes was someone, they thought they had seen the back of a long time ago.

bwianRIP was standing before our gruesome twosome, gibberish comments spouting from his mouth, Green Skull and Tabler both stood frozen with fear, when bwianRIP uttered the words.................

MaxJoker · February 25th, 2011, 04:15 PM

......... " Where`s Inglorious he told me to meet him here to discuss a possible takeover of man united ,as they only pass the club onto soulless ghouls" .

" But that makes no sense" exclaimed a ragged voice from amongst the drooling crowd.

"Who dared say that " Called back GreenSkull , for some reason now dressed in a Ninja outfit complete with swords .

The zombie crowd parted to reveal the lone voice of reason , who was none other than ................

Estreeter · February 26th, 2011, 03:44 AM

....Evil Scoundrel. Evil Scoundrel is a very dark shadowy figure, only Scoundrel and Estreeter knew of him and kept him locked in Estreeters she male dungeon with a pitchfork to keep the she males under control.

He was out now after GreenSkull and Tabler got curious and unlocked the cell.

"I hope you 2 realize what you've done, unleashed hell after opening that cell" he uttered

"I'll never apologize, but I know what we've done" replied GreenSkull

Tabler just seem fixated on a shiny object in the distance that he thought was a hidden bottle of vodka and ignored Evil Scoundrel.

The storm had just broken, the moon appeared, and was shining on the object. "It is a bottle of vodka, I can spot them for 100 yards away" with a certain childish excitement cried Tabler. He was a about to set off and get it when Scoundrel suddenly grabbed and restrained Tabler.

Scoundrel being the voice of reason then said
"Have you all not seen what's happening here ?
Estreeter is missing, Brian has re-appeared and now also just as quickly gone, them 2 New Jersey boys are up to something."

"You're right, we better act fast" replied GreenSkull "We'll go in different directions towards town and check the roadside diners on the way. Tabler you go that way, not in the direction of the bottle either. Scounds that way, and I'll go the other, I have to stop at the comic shop so I can kill 2 birds with one stone"

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Brian and Estreeter were having a burger and coffee in a real Greasy Joe's style diner. "Well you're out now Brian" said Estreeter. "Gotta keep a low profile for a few hours, It wont take long for them to figure out what's going on"

"Who gives a shit Boss.......and where's my coffee, hurry up bitch " yelled Brian
"Calm down Bri, no wonder you're always in the shit" replied Estreeter

Just as Estreeter was biting into his second burger he thought he saw a few red coat mods pull into the car park. He grabbed Brian, left a tip for the waitresses and hurried out the back door of the diner, into the woods they headed

Scoundrel was hurrying into town on foot, Tabler also, but he did venture back via the bottle. GreenSkull did find the 24 hour comic shop, bought his supplies and was off again only to hear Estreeter and Brian in the woods, he didn't know it was them yet, but he was getting closer with every step..............

February 25th, 2011, 12:47 AM	#11
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,204 Thanks: 450,407 Thanked 897,652 Times in 60,403 Posts	....The dreaded KY jelly I thought, I was in fear now, real fear, here I was in a dark hallway with she males, banned members and a couple of hideous creatures that came in from the dark. All I could do was run like a coward. Up the stairs, down the hallway, out the front door and into the storm. The rain was sideways rain, I sheltered under a tree and looked at my front door while getting my breath back after the cowardly escape. Reaching into my pocket for a cigarette to help me calm down, it was then I noticed the 2 hideous creatures I let in my house come running out faster than I did, behind them was a swarm of the she males. Tabler ran one way, GreenSkull the other. "Great" I thought, they've let them out. I couldn't go back, was far to dangerous. So I set off for the relative safety of town, I hoped......... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 25th, 2011, 11:57 AM	#14
Greenman Live Legend of VEF Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Underground lair somewhere in the world Posts: 20,353 Thanks: 30,936 Thanked 383,590 Times in 19,356 Posts	Meanwhile from his secret lair inside the north pole "So they think I am a man and half woman do they? Little do they realise that I GreenMan am infact a meglomaniacal toad, hell bent on the destruction of VEF, working to bring it down from the inside. Thanks to a magician friend of mine I can disguise myself as bit of HTML code as well as keep on being chairman of the League of Supervillains, whilst quietly running a less than secret temping agency in Penge."(cue manic laugh- "Today VEF, tomorrow the world!" Miles away in a small bar just outside Watford... __________________ There was only ONE Greenman, and you accepted no substitutes! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Rest in peace MaxJoker-you will be sorely missed. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 20,000: Milestone reached!

February 25th, 2011, 12:00 PM	#15
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,905 Times in 69,067 Posts	A breathless Tabler finally caught up to GreenSkull, he hadn`t been running he`d just realised they were miles from any pub and had begun to have a panic attack. "GS what`s happened, where were you , where is everyone else , and who am i ?" " Calm down mate , try tasting this sap it might take the edge off " GreenSkull said knowingly . Tabler looked round expecting to see a recently blocked member or something as that was the only sap he could think of. Then GreenSkull noticing the confusion motioned with his head . He was leaning up against a giant oak tree casually carving a heart above the name Estreeter and tree sap was visible on the bark between the groves. Although tough bastard that he was he wasn`t carving the heart with a knife but with his middle finger. " Doesn`t that hurt " Tabler asked . " What unrequited love , sure it hurts but where would we be without it " GreenSkull replied . Before suddenly lighting a stogie , the brief flicker of light exposing his pained expression. Tabler was about to explain what he`d actually meant when a howl sounded out off in the distance . "By the holy Bollocks of Buddha what was that ?" Tabler exclaimed. GreenSkull stood up away from the tree , his poncho caught the breeze and blew to one side giving a glimpse of his emerald handled side arm. he straightened his cowboy hat. Tabler rubbed his eyes , even the glass one in his back pocket " Huh how the fuck are you suddenly dressed like Clint East....." "Ssssh " GreenSkull put a finger to his now unshaven looking mouth " The howling is getting closer , listen " He pointed behind Tabler into the black heart of the Forrest , then pointed again using his finger. Tabler could hear the noise growing louder , and despite being terrified he stepped forward towards the noise. Because he was a Mod , not least a Vintage Erotica Forum Mod , in other words , a bloody fool. " What do you think it is GS " "No idea mate, might be a woman who`s just been told she`s in the wrong, a bear with a beehive shoved up it`s arse , or hell could even be Marlon after accidentally reading one of Greenman`s posts . " Huh we`ve all been there right " Tabler grimly smiled. " Yes and all still have the mental scars to prove it " GreenSkull said turning wistfully to look at the full moon. "Scoundrel stop doing that " Tabler shouted. " Sorry " Scoundrel said pulling up his velvet Gucci underpants and Marks and Spencer jeans " So what`s up bitches " . "That noise is what`s up " Tabler said , barely able to contain his fury . "Oh" Replied Scoundrel " Sounds like we`ve got a tough fight on our hands then friends " With that he lay on the Forrest floor and fell fast a sleep. " Shouldn`t we try and wake him up " Asked GreenSkull "Look the midwife and Doctor who helped deliver him didn`t manage it so what chance do we have ? " Tabler gruffly responded . The howling was getting closer . Tabler`s hands began to shake , he felt weak and dizzy. Not through fear but because it`d now been a full three hours since he`d last had a drink.He felt perspiration gathering on his forehead . Luckily though his eyebrows met in the middle so none of the sweat went into his eyes. The howling grew closer , not only that but there was now an audible sound of trees being uprooted and broken . Almost as if whatever was wailing was strong enough to uproot whole trees from the very earth itself and then break them over it`s knee. "Uuuuuuh maybe we might be better off jogging that way " Tabler said motioning in the opposite direction to them both. GreenSkull grinned at him his eyes shining " You go mate , me i like a challenge" . Yet with that suddenly the maelstrom of noise and destruction was upon them , it would do no good for Tabler to start running , for it was here. Tabler looked it full in the face , opened his trembling mouth and uttered the words ...................... __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 25th, 2011, 03:35 PM	#17
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,905 Times in 69,067 Posts	Pony Wild Bess " Now wait a second " Shouted Tabler over the moans and hideous howls emanating from the zombie horde " You suddenly dressed like a lame stunt double from a Fist Full Of Dollars is one thing , but a pony ?" Lifting the pony effortless above his head GreenSkull yelled back " No time for explanations old chum , those aren`t just Zombies we`re facing , those are unthanking Zombies " "The worst kind " Said Scoundrel yawning , then turning over and going back to sleep" "Exactly " Replied GreenSkull as he hurled Wild Bess into the throng " There that should buy us some time let`s get out of here . As the Zombies started munching into Bess our inept heroes back tracked towards a snoring Scoundrel , and both grabbed a leg. " Quick make a wish " Tabler winked. Then before either of them could something erupted from under the ground ! They looked and gasped because it was ................... __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 25th, 2011, 04:15 PM	#19
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,905 Times in 69,067 Posts	......... " Where`s Inglorious he told me to meet him here to discuss a possible takeover of man united ,as they only pass the club onto soulless ghouls" . " But that makes no sense" exclaimed a ragged voice from amongst the drooling crowd. "Who dared say that " Called back GreenSkull , for some reason now dressed in a Ninja outfit complete with swords . The zombie crowd parted to reveal the lone voice of reason , who was none other than ................ __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 25th, 2011, 06:23 AM	#12
grossnex Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Between the swamps of Jersey & NYC Posts: 2,571 Thanks: 34,430 Thanked 91,932 Times in 2,857 Posts	...The road to town led Estreeter through the woods, where he ran into a shadowy figure smoking a rather pungent cigarette in the dark. The unknown man beckoned for him to come forward. Stepping closer, Estreeter noticed the man was wearing a hockey mask & holding a machete in his right hand. "Grossnex, I knew it was you. Have you seen any shemales hanging around out here? A bunch of them escaped from the dungeon," Estreeter asked as he accepted the pungent cigarette from Grossnex's outstretched hand. "Nope, no shemales out here brother. Not yet anyway, but you know they like to hang out where there's wood. You know what I mean? Fuhgeddaboudit! Where you headed?" Grossnex gestured toward town & asked, "That way?" "Yeah, I figure it would be safer in town," Estreeter replied. "Well, you're going to need this," Grossnex handed him the machete he had been holding. "It happened a few hours ago. The town's been taken over by everything posted in the What annoys you the most thread. I had to get out of there brother." Estreeter couldn't believe it. How could this happen? How could one town ever be that annoying?!! "Well, good luck my brother. It's hockey season. Let me know if you ever need tickets to a Devils game." They shook hands & Grossnex was gone in an eye blink, leaving Estreeter to ponder which fate was worse. Shemales or every conceivable annoying human trait known to VEF? It was a good thing he still had that pungent cigarette...

February 25th, 2011, 08:42 AM	#13
eek Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 568 Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,243 Times in 502 Posts	...shame he forgot the matches. Suddenly, a familiar tune starts getting louder and is the one Estreeter does not want to hear. Yes - it's that damn "Finally" song from Priscilla Queen of the desert. His temp hits the roof and he's about to bite somebody when Moderator tabler shows up to rescue. "Hey, a couple of birds are giving me the eye mate. Come on - let's chat them up" says tabler. {sigh} "Real women - I owe you one mate" says Estreeter when the last orders announcement is heard from the bar.

February 25th, 2011, 02:32 PM	#16
HugoHackenbush Veteran Marxist Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wherever it's warm Posts: 14,166 Thanks: 206,115 Thanked 337,400 Times in 14,219 Posts	"The non-thanking zombies!" Thousands of them!" Greenskull could only shake his head in pity. "I've tried. Truly I have." he muttered. "However shame and sarcasm no longer seem to work. Since being cut off from Model ID requests, they now thirst for blood. Mod blood. The time has come for stronger measures." He reached down to fondle his...

February 25th, 2011, 04:01 PM	#18
Inglorious Guest Posts: n/a	.......... followed by stupid and non sensical statements. Greenskull and Tabler, the brokeback boys of VEF, looked at each other quizically. "There is only one person I know who comes out with such ludricous statements" squeaked tabler, in his best Cheryl Cole voice "I know" replied Green Skull "but, I thought he was history" It was then that their worst fears were confirmed, as appearing before their eyes was someone, they thought they had seen the back of a long time ago. bwianRIP was standing before our gruesome twosome, gibberish comments spouting from his mouth, Green Skull and Tabler both stood frozen with fear, when bwianRIP uttered the words.................

February 26th, 2011, 03:44 AM	#20
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,204 Thanks: 450,407 Thanked 897,652 Times in 60,403 Posts	....Evil Scoundrel. Evil Scoundrel is a very dark shadowy figure, only Scoundrel and Estreeter knew of him and kept him locked in Estreeters she male dungeon with a pitchfork to keep the she males under control. He was out now after GreenSkull and Tabler got curious and unlocked the cell. "I hope you 2 realize what you've done, unleashed hell after opening that cell" he uttered "I'll never apologize, but I know what we've done" replied GreenSkull Tabler just seem fixated on a shiny object in the distance that he thought was a hidden bottle of vodka and ignored Evil Scoundrel. The storm had just broken, the moon appeared, and was shining on the object. "It is a bottle of vodka, I can spot them for 100 yards away" with a certain childish excitement cried Tabler. He was a about to set off and get it when Scoundrel suddenly grabbed and restrained Tabler. Scoundrel being the voice of reason then said "Have you all not seen what's happening here ? Estreeter is missing, Brian has re-appeared and now also just as quickly gone, them 2 New Jersey boys are up to something." "You're right, we better act fast" replied GreenSkull "We'll go in different directions towards town and check the roadside diners on the way. Tabler you go that way, not in the direction of the bottle either. Scounds that way, and I'll go the other, I have to stop at the comic shop so I can kill 2 birds with one stone" Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Brian and Estreeter were having a burger and coffee in a real Greasy Joe's style diner. "Well you're out now Brian" said Estreeter. "Gotta keep a low profile for a few hours, It wont take long for them to figure out what's going on" "Who gives a shit Boss.......and where's my coffee, hurry up bitch " yelled Brian "Calm down Bri, no wonder you're always in the shit" replied Estreeter Just as Estreeter was biting into his second burger he thought he saw a few red coat mods pull into the car park. He grabbed Brian, left a tip for the waitresses and hurried out the back door of the diner, into the woods they headed Scoundrel was hurrying into town on foot, Tabler also, but he did venture back via the bottle. GreenSkull did find the 24 hour comic shop, bought his supplies and was off again only to hear Estreeter and Brian in the woods, he didn't know it was them yet, but he was getting closer with every step.............. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.