You think English is easy???

[iufrenchman]

Read to the end . . . a new twist~

1) The bandage waswoundaround thewound.

2) The farm was used toproduce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had torefuse morerefuse.

4) We must polish thePolishfurniture.

5) He couldlead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in thedesert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time topresent thepresent.

8) Abass was painted on the head of thebassdrum.

9) When shot at, thedove dove into the bushes.

10) I did notobject to theobject.

11) The insurance wasinvalid for theinvalid.

12) There was arow among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door toclose it.

14) The buckdoesfunny things when thedoes are present.

15) A seamstress and asewer fell down into asewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught hissow tosow.

17) Thewind was too strong towind the sail.

18) Upon seeing thetear in the painting I shed atear..

19) I had to subject thesubject to a series of tests.

20) How can Iintimatethis to my mostintimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understandUP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic comeUP?



Why do we speak UPand why are the officersUPfor election and why is it UPto the secretary to writeUPa report ? We callUPour friends. And we use it to brightenUPa room, polishUPthe silver; we warm UPthe leftovers and clean UPthe kitchen. We lockUPthe house and some guys fixUPthe old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stirUPtrouble, lineUPfor tickets, workUPan appetite, and think UPexcuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UPis special. A drain must be openedUPbecause it is stopped UP. We openUPa store in the morning but we close it UPat night.

We seem to be pretty mixedUPabout UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses ofUP,look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takesUPalmost 1/4th of the page and can addUPto about thirty definitions. If you are UPto it, you might try buildingUPa list of the many ways UPis used. It will takeUPa lot of your time, but if you don't give UP,you may windUPwith a hundred or more.



When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.



When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP...
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dryUP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap itUP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!







Now it'sUP to you what you do with this email...and please don't tell me to "go stick it UP.......!"

[haldane4]

And ghoti spells fish.

[electile disfunction]

Originally Posted by iufrenchman

Read to the end . . . a new twist~[SIZE=5]

(snipped)

Now it'sUP to you what you do with this email...and please don't tell me to "go stick it UP.......!"

Blisters aren't bliss and pistons don't work either.
e.d.

[windymiller]

Well I understand it. What's the problem?

[RyderKnightley]

Originally Posted by haldane4

And ghoti spells fish.

GB Shaw, I believe.

If a house is destroyed by fire it is razed to the ground.

[massivemass]

I find something that I found, but I can't mind something that I mound.

[dbailey]

Time flies like an arrow....but fruit flies like a banana

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

[Mal Hombre]

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird-Winnie the Pooh

[buggeration]

Why do we wear a pair of pants, but not a pair of bras?

[mrfixit]

Why do we deplane but we don't deboat,debus or detrain?