Post your corny jokes - Page 1356

**maildude** · July 18th, 2018, 02:04 AM

Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. It has to WANT to change.

MaxJoker · July 18th, 2018, 03:36 PM

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ? ,

One is really heavy and the other a little lighter.

**fatrat1** · July 18th, 2018, 06:51 PM

Mick & Paddy sitting in a pub, Mick says I haven't seen Murphy for a while. Paddy replies he came out of hospital last week, had to have his ears removed. He will be in tonight but don't say anything as he is quite touchy about it. Murphy walks in, Mick offers to buy him a drink. As he sits down with his drink Mick says to Murphy, your eyesight must be getting better as your not wearing your glasses.

**fatrat1** · July 18th, 2018, 06:52 PM

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

A: To see his flat mate.

**maildude** · July 19th, 2018, 01:53 AM

Miniature Horse

A guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink, then notices a horse next to him lapping at a mug of beer. The guy asks the bartender, "Hey...what's with the horse?" And the bartender answers, "Oh...that's Louie. Been coming in here for years. Never shows any emotion." The guy looks the horse over, then says to the bartender, "I bet ya a round of drinks I can make him laugh." So the bartender agrees, and the guy leads the horse to the back room. A few minutes later the pair return, and the horse is laughing his ass off. The bartender is amazed and says, "Wow! Nobody's ever done that before! How'd you do it?" So the guy answers, "I told him I had a bigger dick than him." The bartender responds, "Pretty good. Tell ya what...if you can make him cry, it'll be free drinks all night." So the guy leads the horse to the back again, and again returns a minute later, with the horse blubbering and sobbing. "Damn! What'd you do this time?" asks the barkeep. And the guy says, "I showed him."

Solid · July 20th, 2018, 03:24 PM

I'm surprised nobody has discovered a cure for anorexia. You'd think it was a piece of cake.

MaxJoker · July 20th, 2018, 03:33 PM

Hermaphrodites ?,

Bunch of cocky twats if you ask me .

**photoflex** · July 20th, 2018, 04:14 PM

Eve's Chat With God

God asked, "What is it, Eve?" Eve replied, "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy." "And why is that Eve?" "Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "Man? What is that Lord?" "A flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger and faster and will love to hunt, fish, and bring you good things to eat. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like playing cards and gambling and knocking a ball around. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great," said Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch?" "Well,.. you can have him on one condition." "And what's that, Lord?" "Well, since he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring, you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our secret...

you know, woman to woman."

**maildude** · July 21st, 2018, 12:04 AM

An elderly couple go to the doctor's office for their one-year check up. The husband goes first, and the wife sits down in the waiting room to knit. A while later, the old husband sticks his head out of the exam room and says, "Hey, Mabel. Do we have regular intercourse?" Mabel looks up from her knitting and says, "Henry...if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, we have Blue Cross Blue Shield!"

**fatrat1** · July 21st, 2018, 09:59 AM

Hear about the Irishman who thought that mow the grass was a Jewish informer.

July 18th, 2018, 02:04 AM	#13551
maildude Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: In postal purgatory Posts: 760 Thanks: 1,162 Thanked 14,112 Times in 748 Posts	Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Zero. It has to WANT to change. __________________ LET FREEDOM WAIT

July 18th, 2018, 03:36 PM	#13552
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ? , One is really heavy and the other a little lighter. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 18th, 2018, 06:51 PM	#13553
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,479 Thanked 27,279 Times in 2,641 Posts	Mick & Paddy sitting in a pub, Mick says I haven't seen Murphy for a while. Paddy replies he came out of hospital last week, had to have his ears removed. He will be in tonight but don't say anything as he is quite touchy about it. Murphy walks in, Mick offers to buy him a drink. As he sits down with his drink Mick says to Murphy, your eyesight must be getting better as your not wearing your glasses. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 18th, 2018, 06:52 PM	#13554
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,479 Thanked 27,279 Times in 2,641 Posts	Why did the hedgehog cross the road? A: To see his flat mate. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 19th, 2018, 01:53 AM	#13555
maildude Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: In postal purgatory Posts: 760 Thanks: 1,162 Thanked 14,112 Times in 748 Posts	Miniature Horse A guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink, then notices a horse next to him lapping at a mug of beer. The guy asks the bartender, "Hey...what's with the horse?" And the bartender answers, "Oh...that's Louie. Been coming in here for years. Never shows any emotion." The guy looks the horse over, then says to the bartender, "I bet ya a round of drinks I can make him laugh." So the bartender agrees, and the guy leads the horse to the back room. A few minutes later the pair return, and the horse is laughing his ass off. The bartender is amazed and says, "Wow! Nobody's ever done that before! How'd you do it?" So the guy answers, "I told him I had a bigger dick than him." The bartender responds, "Pretty good. Tell ya what...if you can make him cry, it'll be free drinks all night." So the guy leads the horse to the back again, and again returns a minute later, with the horse blubbering and sobbing. "Damn! What'd you do this time?" asks the barkeep. And the guy says, "I showed him." __________________ LET FREEDOM WAIT

July 20th, 2018, 03:24 PM	#13556
Solid Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 200 Thanks: 21,134 Thanked 2,939 Times in 199 Posts	I'm surprised nobody has discovered a cure for anorexia. You'd think it was a piece of cake. __________________ Cheese with everything!

July 20th, 2018, 03:33 PM	#13557
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Hermaphrodites ?, Bunch of cocky twats if you ask me . __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 20th, 2018, 04:14 PM	#13558
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,926 Thanked 127,786 Times in 3,570 Posts	Eve's Chat With God God asked, "What is it, Eve?" Eve replied, "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy." "And why is that Eve?" "Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "Man? What is that Lord?" "A flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger and faster and will love to hunt, fish, and bring you good things to eat. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like playing cards and gambling and knocking a ball around. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great," said Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch?" "Well,.. you can have him on one condition." "And what's that, Lord?" "Well, since he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring, you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our secret... you know, woman to woman." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

July 21st, 2018, 12:04 AM	#13559
maildude Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: In postal purgatory Posts: 760 Thanks: 1,162 Thanked 14,112 Times in 748 Posts	An elderly couple go to the doctor's office for their one-year check up. The husband goes first, and the wife sits down in the waiting room to knit. A while later, the old husband sticks his head out of the exam room and says, "Hey, Mabel. Do we have regular intercourse?" Mabel looks up from her knitting and says, "Henry...if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, we have Blue Cross Blue Shield!" __________________ LET FREEDOM WAIT

July 21st, 2018, 09:59 AM	#13560
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,479 Thanked 27,279 Times in 2,641 Posts	Hear about the Irishman who thought that mow the grass was a Jewish informer. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.