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Old September 21st, 2018, 03:24 PM   #13861
gedly
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Originally Posted by fatrat1 View Post
They say 1 in 3 people in the UK are not very good at maths. That's over 70% of the population.
Are you sure? I read it was four out of three people.
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Old September 21st, 2018, 03:46 PM   #13862
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One of my issues with salad is that it`s bland ,

I think the problem needs addressing
.


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Old September 21st, 2018, 05:41 PM   #13863
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Ronnie Corbett story 2 - this is my last contribution I can't compete with the amazing jokes you lot post


Here's the story
A man has been stranded on a desert island for years and one day he is walking along the sand and spots something in the water. He rushes down to the edge and watches then suddenly a figure in a zipped wetsuit appears from the water. On taking off the hood and removing the snorkel it reveals a beautiful woman with a French accent. She sachets up to him as he sits and stares at her. He hasn't seen anyone let alone a woman for years. She stands in front of him and asks "how long have been here on your own?" He tells her nearly 5 years. She asks him how had it been since he had some food and what he has missed. "I've not had any chocolate for years" he tells her and then she unzips a pocket above her left breast and takes out 2 bars of chocolate. He thanks her and shares some with her. Then, she asks him how long had it been since he had a cigarette-he says the same time and she unzips a second pocket above her right breast and takes out a packet of cigarettes and they share one between them. Then with her hand on the main wetsuit zip she asks in a sexy voice "How long has it been since you played around?" The man looks at the woman about to pull her zip down and says "good god you haven't got a set of golf clubs in there as well have you?"



Laughter and applause and shots of audience. Well it was like that but you get the gist of it. "It's good night from me and it's good night from him"
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Old September 21st, 2018, 07:41 PM   #13864
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"I went to a Nudist wedding at the weekend,I was within an inch of being the Best man"
Ronnie Corbett
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If in doubt, Just ask Yourself
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It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site.


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Old September 21st, 2018, 10:13 PM   #13865
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A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.
-Ronnie Corbett

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.
-Again Ronnie Corbett.

“It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy.”
-Ronnie Corbett. I'm beginning to see a pattern here or maybe it's just a close up of a kilt.
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Old September 21st, 2018, 11:34 PM   #13866
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
Are you sure? I read it was four out of three people.

Wrong survey, four out of three people are number dyslexic.
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 01:56 AM   #13867
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 02:26 PM   #13868
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Bad news for agoraphobics ,

A cure is just around the corner
.


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Old September 23rd, 2018, 02:54 PM   #13869
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The strings I had to pull to be a church organist.
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 04:08 PM   #13870
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