Post your corny jokes - Page 1393

MaxJoker · October 8th, 2018, 03:10 PM

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb ? ,

Steven.

**mrfixit** · October 8th, 2018, 04:03 PM

**trailmaster** · October 8th, 2018, 09:59 PM

Five people have been found guilty of conspiracy to supply millions of pounds worth of counterfeit Viagra. The judge described them as hardened criminals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two women were chatting.

"My 15 year old son is getting to be a right little bastard, hanging about in a gang, never coming to visit his grandparents, with me-honestly, I sometimes think he wouldn't care if I died", the first woman said.

"I'm lucky in that respect", the second woman said, "My son is 22 now and loves his old mum, he snuggles up on the sofa with me of a night to watch TV, always gives me a kiss and hug whenever he is going out or going up to bed, we even do paintings together on weekends.

"I know", says the first woman "sometimes I wish my son had Down's Syndrome too."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do retards and slinkys have in common?
Both are useless but give you a laugh when they fall down the stairs.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Silklover** · October 9th, 2018, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

After giving my nephew an Action Man for his birthday he told me wanted a Red Indian instead ,

Been trying to put a brave face on it ever since .

Don´t be too kind. Next time he complains, give him an ironman instead.

**trailmaster** · October 9th, 2018, 12:34 PM

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking Sir?" "No, Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?" "No, "replies the officer, "you were driving splendidly. it was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A family of prostitutes are talking.
The daughter says, "I got 100 dollars for a blow job today."
The mother says, "in my day it was 20 dollars."
The grandmother says, "In my day we were just glad for the warm drink".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If women are so perfect at multitasking how come they cannot have a headache and sex at the same time?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me last Christmas she wanted something surprising and sexy.
Turned out she didn't mean rape.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman is like a pack of cards...

You need a Heart to love her,

You need a Diamond to win her,

You need a Club to smash her head in,

And a Spade to bury the bitch.

**bfg9000** · October 9th, 2018, 12:49 PM

Today's forecast: Chilli today and Hot Tamale!

MaxJoker · October 9th, 2018, 01:31 PM

A roman walks into a bar holds up two fingers and says ,

"Five beers please".

**Mal Hombre** · October 9th, 2018, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

A roman walks into a bar holds up two fingers and says ,

"Five beers please".

Who likes Roman Numeral jokes ? I for One...

dazza2 · October 9th, 2018, 07:26 PM

Got told i was colour blind today.....it was a real bolt out of the green i tell you

**bp666** · October 9th, 2018, 08:13 PM

I got kicked out of the hospital today.

Apparently the sign "Stroke patients here" means something completely different.

October 8th, 2018, 03:10 PM	#13921
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb ? , Steven. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 8th, 2018, 04:03 PM	#13922
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,843 Thanked 114,821 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

October 9th, 2018, 12:49 PM	#13926
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	Today's forecast: Chilli today and Hot Tamale! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

October 9th, 2018, 01:31 PM	#13927
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	A roman walks into a bar holds up two fingers and says , "Five beers please". __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

October 8th, 2018, 09:59 PM	#13923
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,895 Thanks: 1,329,009 Thanked 707,206 Times in 60,069 Posts	Five people have been found guilty of conspiracy to supply millions of pounds worth of counterfeit Viagra. The judge described them as hardened criminals. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two women were chatting. "My 15 year old son is getting to be a right little bastard, hanging about in a gang, never coming to visit his grandparents, with me-honestly, I sometimes think he wouldn't care if I died", the first woman said. "I'm lucky in that respect", the second woman said, "My son is 22 now and loves his old mum, he snuggles up on the sofa with me of a night to watch TV, always gives me a kiss and hug whenever he is going out or going up to bed, we even do paintings together on weekends. "I know", says the first woman "sometimes I wish my son had Down's Syndrome too." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do retards and slinkys have in common? Both are useless but give you a laugh when they fall down the stairs. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 9th, 2018, 12:34 PM	#13925
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,895 Thanks: 1,329,009 Thanked 707,206 Times in 60,069 Posts	A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking Sir?" "No, Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?" "No, "replies the officer, "you were driving splendidly. it was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A family of prostitutes are talking. The daughter says, "I got 100 dollars for a blow job today." The mother says, "in my day it was 20 dollars." The grandmother says, "In my day we were just glad for the warm drink". -------------------------------------------------------------------------- If women are so perfect at multitasking how come they cannot have a headache and sex at the same time? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My girlfriend told me last Christmas she wanted something surprising and sexy. Turned out she didn't mean rape. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman is like a pack of cards... You need a Heart to love her, You need a Diamond to win her, You need a Club to smash her head in, And a Spade to bury the bitch.

October 9th, 2018, 07:26 PM	#13929
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,853 Times in 189 Posts	Got told i was colour blind today.....it was a real bolt out of the green i tell you

October 9th, 2018, 08:13 PM	#13930
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,184 Times in 1,074 Posts	I got kicked out of the hospital today. Apparently the sign "Stroke patients here" means something completely different.