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Old September 13th, 2015, 10:58 PM   #3691
Jake Gittes
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From "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"

Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.
Andy Stitzer: It's all about connections.
Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.
Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
Andy Stitzer: Please stop.
Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.

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Life is easier when you don't take it too seriously
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Old September 14th, 2015, 10:59 PM   #3692
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The Simpsons

We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house.
But all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof.
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Old September 15th, 2015, 02:06 PM   #3693
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Default Quotes that I improved: before & after, #3

My arrogance is unlimited, and thoroughly unjustified by past performance.
To prove my point, here are some quotes that I improved.
In couplets, first the original and then my version:

Heinlein, Robert: If You Don't Like Yourself, You Can't Like Other People
my version: If you don’t like yourself, you won’t like other people, nor they you (#0362)

Hoffer, Eric: When People Are Free To Do As They Please, They Do As The Others Please
my version: Even when people are free to do as they please, they do as others please (#0380)

Hooker, Richard: Change Not Made Without Inconvenience, Even From Worse To Better
my version: A Change is never made without inconvenience, even for improvements (#0396)

Hubbard, Kin: Nobody Ever Forgets Where He Buried The Hatchet
my version: Nobody ever forgets where the hatchet is buried (#0404)

Hughes, Charles Evans: When We Lose Right To Be Different, We Lose Privilege To Be Free
my version: When we lose the right to be different we are no longer free (#0406)
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Old September 15th, 2015, 05:50 PM   #3694
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A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's . She changes it more often.

~ Oliver Herford

However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.

~ Stephen Hawking

Thank you.

~ Murphy
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Old September 15th, 2015, 06:24 PM   #3695
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I'm very disappointed
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Old September 15th, 2015, 08:02 PM   #3696
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Default Reverend Jim

Perhaps the most I've laughed in my life. Some explanation for those who didn't have access to tv in the states or were too young. Jim is a burnt out
user of questionable chemicals and the guys at the taxi stand decide to help him by getting a drivers license.

The short version:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HvmtbZzA40

If you've the time the longer version is worth the time:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5XJ83PRJOU
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Old September 15th, 2015, 11:37 PM   #3697
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Judge to the drunk: Sir, you've been brought in here for drinking.

Drunk: Good! When do we start?
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Old September 16th, 2015, 04:02 AM   #3698
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Lightbulb Jane Fonda



It's never too late - never too late to start over, never too late to be happy.

When you're an older woman [in a movie], you are the brunt of the joke.

To be a revolutionary you have to be a human being. You have to care about people who have no power.

Think of anger as a muscle. The way you express anger isn't the way that I do, or you. If you have a good director, you will find that he's getting you to use an entirely different muscle that you never even knew you had - it's real hard and sore, then after a while it becomes normal. And you discover all these new muscles when you enter a new character - that's what a director does for you.

Stay curious, keep learning and keep growing. And always strive to be more interested than interesting.

Female listeners are leaving traditional talk radio because of the rough-edged, shouting nature of it. Women want more light and less heat.

We're still living with the old paradigm of age as an arch. That's the old metaphor: You're born, you peak at midlife and decline into decrepitude.

My identity depended on men for so long. You can be successful and still have the feeling that if you're not with a man you don't exist.

We are not meant to be perfect; we are meant to be whole.

We need women friends, women who challenge us. I have chosen not to have any more plastic surgery. Sally Field and I have kind of made a pact about that. It's really hard, especially if you're a public person. But I want to give a face to aging.

You don't learn from successes; you don't learn from awards; you don't learn from celebrity; you only learn from wounds and scars and mistakes and failures. And that's the truth.

Good enough is good enough. We're not supposed to be perfect. We're supposed to be complete.

A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.

When you're told to be good, you have to get rid of whatever is bad. I sure identify with that.

A man has every season while a woman only has the right to spring.

When you're told to be good, you have to get rid of whatever is bad. I sure identify with that.

If the career you have chosen has some unexpected inconvenience, console yourself by reflecting that no career is without them.

Who am I? I'm a survivor. I'm a woman with tremendous inner resources and resilience. I care about people. I believe in 'Do unto others as you would have others do unto you,' and I live by that. I am becoming authentic, and that's important to me. I have surpassed both my parents in terms of emotional stability, happiness and well-being. And I'm a lucky woman. I've deserved my luck.

My greatest asset is that I am constantly changing.

The glow and energy of the healthy woman is the ultimate beauty, the only beauty that will last.

If I can change, anybody can change.
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Old September 19th, 2015, 01:34 PM   #3699
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Default Chuck Palahniuk



If there had been zombies on the iceberg when the Titanic hit it, that would have made a much better movie.

Every time I write something, I think, this is the most offensive thing I will ever write. But no. I always surprise myself

Where would Jesus be if no one had written the gospels?

My grandfather was hit over the head by a crane boom in Seattle. Some of the family claimed he was never a violent, crazy person before that. Some say he was. It depends who you believe.

I was born in 1962, and it seems that throughout my entire life the world has demanded peace but maintained conflict.

The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.

Crap has always happened, crap is happening, and crap will continue to happen.
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Old September 19th, 2015, 05:44 PM   #3700
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There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.

~ Thomas Aquinas


Friends are the siblings God never gave us.

~ Mencius


I think I want my money back .

~ Nicky
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