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Old June 6th, 2014, 06:33 AM   #3191
Grey Wolf
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Lightbulb Groucha Marx



“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”



“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”



“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”



“I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.”



“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”



“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”




“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”
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Old June 6th, 2014, 07:44 AM   #3192
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This is from Spike Milligan's 4th wartime memoirs "Mussolini, his part in my Downfall".
He spotted it in "The Union Jack", the soldier's magazine and is just the sort of subversive humour he would have loved:

GENERAL:

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a shunting-engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

LT. COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a DA-4187 request form is approved.

MAJOR:

Barely clears Nissen hut, loses tug-of-war with shunting-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN:

Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

1ST LIEUTENANT:

Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed in the Mae-West, talks to walls.

2ND LIEUTENANT:

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says look at the Choo-Choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

SERGEANT MAJOR

Lifts tall buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them, freezes water with a single glance, HE IS GOD.
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motley crew though they were, they were all happily united in the roisterous, bawdy camaraderie of lust.

Last edited by mizlaplan; June 6th, 2014 at 07:59 AM..
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Old June 7th, 2014, 05:30 PM   #3193
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Default In memory of Bob Hoskins

Just my tribute to honoring the memory of Bob Hoskins, who recently passed away. He had a wonderful and natural sense of comic timing in his acting. One of my favorite moments from his acting career is from "Zulu Dawn". The movie has a few really choice moments of sarcastic humor, this is my favorite;

"No, you done well for once. Don't push your luck."

"I heard 'em first!"

"I'll get you a medal for modesty Private Williams, would you like that?"


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Last edited by Baranovich; July 17th, 2015 at 07:26 AM.. Reason: Edited text for content.
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Old June 8th, 2014, 10:37 AM   #3194
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Lightbulb Mae West



“I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.”


“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”


“Sex is emotion in motion.”


“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”


“Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.”


“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”


“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”


“Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.”


“Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you.”


“She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”
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Old June 8th, 2014, 12:56 PM   #3195
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Thumbs up Sam Malone

How do you think it feels to be attracted too someone who makes you sick




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Old June 8th, 2014, 04:59 PM   #3196
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Default

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out,

~ John Wooden.


The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them,

~ Ernest Hemingway.


We`ll tear your soul apart ,

~ Cuddly Uncle Pinhead.
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Old June 8th, 2014, 05:15 PM   #3197
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Lightbulb Frank Sinatra



“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

“Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquillisers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.”

“The best is yet to come and won't that be fine.”

“There are things about organised religion which I resent. Christ is revered as the Prince of Peace, but more blood has been shed in his name than any other figure in history. You show me one step forward in the name of religion, and I'll show you a hundred retrogressions…I'm for decency—period. I'm for anything and everything that bodes love and consideration for my fellow man. But when lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday—count me out.”

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ”

“You only live once, and the way I live, once is enough.”

“For what is a man, what has he got. If not himself, then he has naught.”

“Don’t hide your scars. They make you who you are”

“The cigarettes you light one after another won’t help you forget her.”
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Old June 8th, 2014, 05:31 PM   #3198
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Lightbulb Marilyn Monroe



“I want to grow old without face lifts. I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I have made.”

“I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.”

“I've been on a calendar, but never on time.”

“I learned to walk as a baby and I haven't had a lesson since.”


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“Boys think girls are like books. If the cover doesn't catch their eye they won't bother to read what's inside.”

“I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.”

“I could never pretend something I didn't feel. I could never make love if I didn't love, and if I loved I could no more hide the fact than change the colour of my eyes.”

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Old June 8th, 2014, 10:53 PM   #3199
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Lightbulb Natalie Wood



"I like being on the water or near the water, but not in the water."


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I'm not going to those parties where they put out the line of cocaine and stuff."


"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby."


"I've been terrified of the water, and yet it seems I'm forced to go into in on every movie that I make."


"My mother used to tell me, No matter what they ask you, always say yes. You can learn later."


"I didn't know who the hell I was. I was whoever they wanted me to be."

"I felt a little funny when we were going to do the bed scene, all four of us, in Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969). I'm open to suggestions, I'm no prude, but four is a crowd in my book. Fortunately, Dyan Cannon was there. The thought of another woman being in there in the bed helped get me through it. It`s not like it sounds. It`s just that I don`t think I could have done it if it had been me and three men."


"You get tough in this business, until you get big enough to hire people to get tough for you. Then you can sit back and be a lady."
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Old June 9th, 2014, 01:57 AM   #3200
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Lightbulb Michael Caine



“One of the main things about Cockney is, you speak at twice the speed as Americans. Americans speak very slow.”



“The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.”



“I wouldn't make an anti-American film. I'm one of the most pro-American foreigners I know. I love America and Americans.”



“My most useful acting tip came from my pal John Wayne. Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much.”



“I think what is British about me is my feelings and awareness of others and their situations. English people are always known to be well mannered and cold but we are not cold - we don't interfere in your situation. If we are heartbroken, we don't scream in your face with tears - we go home and cry on our own.”



“I come from the slums; I come from a hard background; I come from a poor family; and I was a soldier.”



“What a lot of people don't realise about gangs, in my opinion, is that a gang is not there to attack you. Eighty percent of the people in a gang are there to stop anyone from attacking them. You join a gang for protection, not to go out and hit someone.”
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