Post your corny jokes - Page 713

**Jeff Vader** · November 24th, 2013, 01:09 PM

I took a girl back to my place last night.

As we got into the bedroom I said, "I'm going to shag you like no man has ever shagged you before."

"Oh really?" she smiled.

I said, "Yes, now put this chicken costume on."

**Jeff Vader** · November 24th, 2013, 07:51 PM

My butler is such a dick.

He keeps telling me to "move out" and to call him "Dad".

**slisse** · November 25th, 2013, 12:18 PM

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

**retroanalyst** · November 25th, 2013, 04:36 PM

My heart sunk when I failed my past tense exam.

MaxJoker · November 25th, 2013, 04:42 PM

My penis has a superb sense of humour.

Can`t tell you the number of women it`s immediately made burst out laughing.

**rustler** · November 25th, 2013, 04:50 PM

NEWSFLASH!

Reports are coming in that the Irish branch of Al Qaeda have today hijacked the Goodyear Blimp.

According to eye witness accounts, it bounced off the Houses of Parliament three times this afternoon!

**slisse** · November 27th, 2013, 12:03 PM

The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.

It’s an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling.

It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.

Shortly thereafter, an announcement: ”Attention to stand-by passengers: El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!”

nayana · November 27th, 2013, 12:44 PM

Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop and Please provide houses to people who use Mum's room when dads at work.

nayana · November 27th, 2013, 12:48 PM

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach. But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case. Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?" The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it." He soon falls asleep. Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach. Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke its neck, stepped on its eggs, and burned its nest."

**retroanalyst** · November 27th, 2013, 02:42 PM

I walked up to the desk in the leisure centre and asked where to go for the 'Archery For Beginners' class.

"Just follow the arrows on the floor." he told me.

November 24th, 2013, 01:09 PM	#7121
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	I took a girl back to my place last night. As we got into the bedroom I said, "I'm going to shag you like no man has ever shagged you before." "Oh really?" she smiled. I said, "Yes, now put this chicken costume on." __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 24th, 2013, 07:51 PM	#7122
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	My butler is such a dick. He keeps telling me to "move out" and to call him "Dad". __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 25th, 2013, 12:18 PM	#7123
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,518 Times in 2,481 Posts	Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

November 25th, 2013, 04:36 PM	#7124
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 121,989 Thanked 47,462 Times in 3,337 Posts	My heart sunk when I failed my past tense exam. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

November 25th, 2013, 04:42 PM	#7125
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	My penis has a superb sense of humour. Can`t tell you the number of women it`s immediately made burst out laughing. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 25th, 2013, 04:50 PM	#7126
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	NEWSFLASH! Reports are coming in that the Irish branch of Al Qaeda have today hijacked the Goodyear Blimp. According to eye witness accounts, it bounced off the Houses of Parliament three times this afternoon! __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 27th, 2013, 12:03 PM	#7127
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,518 Times in 2,481 Posts	The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person. Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: ”Attention to stand-by passengers: El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!” __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

November 27th, 2013, 12:44 PM	#7128
nayana Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: India Posts: 15 Thanks: 11 Thanked 145 Times in 9 Posts	Just for fun Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop and Please provide houses to people who use Mum's room when dads at work.

November 27th, 2013, 12:48 PM	#7129
nayana Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: India Posts: 15 Thanks: 11 Thanked 145 Times in 9 Posts	One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach. But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case. Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?" The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it." He soon falls asleep. Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach. Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke its neck, stepped on its eggs, and burned its nest."

November 27th, 2013, 02:42 PM	#7130
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 121,989 Thanked 47,462 Times in 3,337 Posts	I walked up to the desk in the leisure centre and asked where to go for the 'Archery For Beginners' class. "Just follow the arrows on the floor." he told me. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.