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Old 10-07-2008, 10:14 AM   #1
MaxJoker
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Thumbs up Women jokes

Don`t get it , this place is on the main filled with manly men who as such have to deal (Cope) with hormonal women .
Can it just be a tiny minority who gets it in the ear and groin from loony tooned time of the month nutjobs ? . If so then all i can say is " You lucky bastards "

Q. What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A. One's a mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem

Q. Why did God give women orgasms?
A. So they've got something else to moan about

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A. You come in one and go in the other

Q. Why did God make man first?
A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch

Q. Why can't you trust a woman?
A. How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't
die?

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to

Q. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes pile up


Q. What have a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken got in common?
A. By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you
have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck
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Last edited by MaxJoker; 12-18-2008 at 01:31 AM.. Reason: mispelt the eaiszyeeist word in the whole bloody world
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Old 10-10-2008, 01:32 PM   #2
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Q. What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic ?
A. The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her

Q. Why do women get married in white ?
A. So they match the kitchen appliances !

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman ?
A. A battery has a positive side

Q. What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you ?
A. Made the chain too long

Q. Why do women have short feet ?
A. So they can stand closer to the stove

Q. Why don`t women have a penis ?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

Q. Why couldn't Heller Keller drive?
A. Because she was a woman

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer ?
A. None, it should be opened when she brings it to you

Q.What do you call a woman with two brain cells ?
A. Pregnant

Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
A. The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in !

Q. Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon ?
A. It doesn't need cleaning yet

Q. How is a woman like a laxative ?
A. They both irritate the crap out of you

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stalls ?
A. You hit her

Q. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?
A. Nothing, shes already been told twice

Q. How do you get a woman dizzy ?
A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner

Q. A man runs over his wife and kills her. Whose fault is it ?
A. The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen


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Last edited by MaxJoker; 10-10-2008 at 01:33 PM.. Reason: Adding
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Old 10-10-2008, 01:52 PM   #3
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They don't make em like this anymore


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Old 10-10-2008, 02:06 PM   #4
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Old 10-10-2008, 04:49 PM   #5
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GS love the 1st batch of jokes! :-)
Now admit it... women scare the hell out of you, don't they?
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Old 10-10-2008, 09:17 PM   #6
MaxJoker
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Albert Mudat View Post
GS love the 1st batch of jokes! :-)
Now admit it... women scare the hell out of you, don't they?

Glad you and a few others enjoyed them , but hey there are some chucklers in the other ones you know
Oh and i sort of know what you`re thinking Albert but actually i adore and am completely addicted to women, and there lies my problem. Because i`m also someone who hates being told to change ways that i`m comfortable with and enjoy, ie staying up later than normal and living a life that don`t exactly holds "health and living to my 90`s" as a priority etc. Also i like DOING things rather than just talking about them , unfortunately that`s rubbed a couple of ex`s up the wrong way. So scared ? , no. In lusty awe , yes !!!.Although sadly also kinda disappointed in their a typical "change him at all costs " nature , who knows maybe i`m to blame and date the same sort of women time and again only with different faces ???. Christ i`m rabbiting now and to no good effect , also this is written in a real rush as i`m heading out so may read even more chaotic than usual . Bloody hell but i must have it bad for this site if i have to check on it before leaving the flat (Hah).
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Old 10-12-2008, 04:13 AM   #7
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It always starts so promising



Then they get a gander at the lifestyle behind the outstanding personage that is i and a low rumbling begins



A sound that grows in judgmental intensity



As they become grinningly confident in their subtle mission of "Skull improvement "



But then their womanly irresistible force meets my immovable manly object and they feel the pressure of failure



But direct methods stink



For i refuse to blink



Tick tock tock tick



Sometimes their points were sharp enough to prick




Maybe a lesser soul would even turn to drink







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Old 10-14-2008, 09:29 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Albert Mudat View Post
THIS woman will never to have to suffer your stupid male-chauvinist pig jokes, Mr GS :
Enjoy! :-)

Maybe i`m wrong MR AM (But hey when does that ever happen ? ) , but you yourself claimed some of them amusing so who`s the real male-chauvinist pig here ?. Plus if they were so stupid why did you find some of them amusing ?.Of course what you seem to have done there is failed to take this thread in the manner deemed necessary, ie ironically. See every man knows we`re the weaker sex (Although i prefer to think of it as the rational sex) so what`s wrong with finding some baseless humour in our predicament ?.


Now was that a serious post i wrote ? , well who am i to judge







This picture taken during my first attempt at chat up which ended in failure when i vomited and crapped my pants,so no change there then



Four stage countdown

1- Seductive week



2- Adventurous week



3- Sensitive week



4- Hell week







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Last edited by MaxJoker; 10-14-2008 at 11:28 AM.. Reason: Added forgive me photo
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Old 10-21-2008, 11:02 AM   #9
MaxJoker
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You wanna know the secret to a lasting relationship ? , only give her one of em



Spot the sane woman competition


Now you see her



Now you don't



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Old 10-21-2008, 11:05 AM   #10
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Four stages again




Well i found it funny
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