Lewd Limericks

[Mantissa]

There's never a dearth of requests
For a plump décolletage like Mae West's,
But a healthy reliance
On research and science
Compels us to ogle more breasts.

Misnamed Cesare Innocenti,
A libertine breast cognoscenti,
Announced with bravura,
"I'm certain that you're a
Mere 'C' in that 'D' cup o' plenty!"
- Dolph

[Mantissa]

For dessert, I will always embrace
Something sweet with a crust for its base,
So I'm willing to try
Your suggested cream pie —
Just so long as it's not in my face.
- SheilaB

[Arts & Farces]

A pansified boy from Khartoum,
Took a lesbian up to his room.
Then they argued all night,
As to who had the right,
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

[Mantissa]

If your neckline is plunging and low,
You may find, when you're out, you're on show.
There are men who may perve at yer
Centre of curvature —
There where the curves touch and go.
- Stella

[rockernut]

There was a young lady of Dexter
whose husband exceedingly vexed her.
For whenever they'd start
He'd unfailingly fart
with a blast that damned nearly unsexed her!

[rockernut]

There was a young lady of Wilts,
Who walked up to Scotland on stilts;
When they said it was shocking
To show so much stocking
She answered: 'Then what about kilts?'

[Mantissa]

The fate of the Bishop of Lincoln
Is an awful example to thinkoln:
He was spotted, they claim,
In a house of ill-fame,
With a bra and suspender-belt, pink, oln.
- timon

[Mantissa]

''These fines," said the Bishop of Durham,
"'A prelate should never incurham;
I explained it to this copper, see,
They insult my episcopacy!
So he said he would try to defurham."
- timon

Poore Richard, Prince Bishop of Durham, *
When told of Jack Lambton's large wurham, **
Caught when Lambton missed church,
Said, "Now Jack, it's the birch
For you, and the wurham, we'll interrham." ***
- Mantissa
Ó¿Ò

* Richard Poore, Prince Bishop of Durham, 1209-1213 and 1229-1237
** John Lambton, an heir of the Lambton Estate, County Durham
*** The Lambton Worm

It appears that this long-running forum
Is to focus on Dick Poore of Durham.
But he served first at Chichester,
Says my church rigister;
Salisbury too – don’t ignore ’em!
- MikeAq

A maid to the Bishop of Chichester
Caused Richard's tight velvet breeches stir.
Translated to Sarum, *
He'd no longer warum
And his maid felt all her niches stir.
- Mantissa
Ó¿Ò

* Salisbury

[Mantissa]

I'm convinced that the miniscule thong
Has a shape anatomically wrong.
Once you get in the groove
Of a life on the move,
The thing's bound to join in before long.
- Val

[MaxJoker]

There was a young girl from Caldenie
Who`d swallow a man`s full load for a penny
When asked how she was able
To prevent splodges dropping from her mouth to her navel
She said "Hummuamvameny" .