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December 19th, 2017, 02:39 PM
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#12891 |
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 15
Thanks: 250
Thanked 80 Times in 13 Posts
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Just heard this in a videogame, sorry if it has been posted before.
The other day I went to the zoo. It only had one animal: a dog. Yeah, it was a Shitzu.
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"Nothing can make her, the devil take her" |
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December 21st, 2017, 04:56 PM
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#12892 |
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Vintage Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 561
Thanks: 36,148
Thanked 14,025 Times in 536 Posts
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For our British friends: thank you for your humor
  
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December 24th, 2017, 10:48 AM
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#12893 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 192
Thanks: 6,564
Thanked 2,853 Times in 189 Posts
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Remember guys a doggie just isn't for Christmas........................its a great position all year round
 All the best fellow VEF'ers |
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December 24th, 2017, 07:23 PM
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#12894 |
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Vintage Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 9,401
Thanks: 165,843
Thanked 114,821 Times in 9,416 Posts
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Twas after the fight before Christmas And all through the house Every one was drunk (even the mouse) The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes Saint Prick would soon be there With mama in the whorehouse And dad smoking grass I just settled down for a nice piece of ass When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what's the matter When what before my eyes should appear A broken sleigh and a few scroungy dear He fell down the chimney, bounced off the floor Flipped and flopped With a yell and a roar He filled the stockings with pretzels and beer And a big fat dick for my brother the queer He flew up the chimney with a thunderous fart I knew right there he blew the damn thing apart He climbed back into his sleigh He called out the names On dasher on dancer up over them walls Get a move on boys or I'll cut off your balls I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight Fuck you all it's been a hell of a night
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December 24th, 2017, 11:57 PM
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#12895 |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 3,234
Thanks: 19,882
Thanked 69,310 Times in 3,171 Posts
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So my son said to me, " Totally awesome Dad, you got me Thunderbird 2 and the Starship Enterprise". To which I said, "Hey, piss off, they're for me".
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December 25th, 2017, 03:50 AM
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#12896 |
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Vintage Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 9,401
Thanks: 165,843
Thanked 114,821 Times in 9,416 Posts
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an alternative to a Christmas classic
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December 25th, 2017, 09:49 PM
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#12897 |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 3,583
Thanks: 37,922
Thanked 127,777 Times in 3,570 Posts
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Take care on the road tonight!
On average a lot more accidents happen around Christmas than any other time of the year. This is because people drink copious amounts of alcohol and let their wives drive them home. Don't get caught unawares!!
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Last edited by photoflex; December 25th, 2017 at 11:08 PM.. |
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December 25th, 2017, 11:02 PM
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#12898 |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 3,234
Thanks: 19,882
Thanked 69,310 Times in 3,171 Posts
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So my wife unwrapped her present, looked at the bottle of perfume and said, "This must be for your girlfriend, I don't like Christian Dior".
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December 27th, 2017, 01:02 AM
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#12899 |
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Veteran Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Location: Location
Posts: 3,583
Thanks: 37,922
Thanked 127,777 Times in 3,570 Posts
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I'm fully aware my girlfriend is blonde,
but I was still surprised when she told me she had filled the freezer with containers with 5 gallons of boiling water in them. It would save time on cooking, she thought...
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December 27th, 2017, 12:16 PM
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#12900 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 192
Thanks: 6,564
Thanked 2,853 Times in 189 Posts
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362 days to Christmas and the neighbours have their decorations up already!!
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