Post your corny jokes - Page 1327

**anothercustom** · April 4th, 2018, 06:49 AM

What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

**fatrat1** · April 4th, 2018, 07:11 PM

A bear having a shit in the woods. A rabbit comes hopping by, the bear asks does the shit stick to your fur. The rabbit replies no. So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with it.

**Isegrim** · April 4th, 2018, 08:13 PM

Isn't that exactly what Donald Trump does with his voters?

Aaron · April 4th, 2018, 09:40 PM

humidor (noun); Spanish comedian

**mrfixit** · April 5th, 2018, 06:11 AM

A few days before his son was due to leave for his first semester at university, a father sat him down for a quiet chat.
“Son,” he said, “in college you’re going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist.”
“Dad, you didn’t need to. I’ve already got condoms.”
“With a face like yours, you won’t be needing condoms, son. I bought you some anti-depressants.”

**sledge** · April 5th, 2018, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anothercustom

What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

Rambo 3 - The Blue Light
"What is this? "
"A blue light"
"What does it do?"
"Turns blue"

**fatrat1** · April 5th, 2018, 09:00 AM

[QUOTE=
What did the leper say to the call girl? Keep the tip.[/QUOTE]

Two lepers playing cards, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.

Aaron · April 5th, 2018, 12:54 PM

from Monty Python:
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dun-n-ng-g-g!

And now for something in a similar vein:
What masturbatory tool sounds like a bell?
Don-n-ng-g-g!

**mrfixit** · April 5th, 2018, 03:39 PM

Like rabbits, hares mate prodigiously. One female used to mate with every hare in the field on a rota basis. One day she would mate with all the gentle, considerate hares, and on the next she would have sex with the rough, rude hares. This system continued throughout the year, but sometimes the animals would forget whose turn it was on a particular day, and this could lead to hurt feelings.
One of the kind, sensitive male hares complained to a friend: “I don’t know where I stand with her. All morning I’ve been trying to catch her eye, but she just doesn’t want to know.”
“Don’t worry,” said the friend. “It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. She’s just having a bad hare day.”

**mrfixit** · April 5th, 2018, 04:56 PM

A Texan visitor to England asked an Englishman to show him the biggest building in town.
“There it is,” said the Englishman. “It’s quite impressive, I must admit.”
“You call that big?” scoffed the Texan. “Back in Texas we have buildings just like that but over a hundred times bigger!”
“I’m not surprised,” said the Englishman. “That’s the local lunatic asylum!”

April 4th, 2018, 07:11 PM	#13262
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	A bear having a shit in the woods. A rabbit comes hopping by, the bear asks does the shit stick to your fur. The rabbit replies no. So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with it. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 5th, 2018, 06:11 AM	#13265
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,808 Times in 9,416 Posts	A few days before his son was due to leave for his first semester at university, a father sat him down for a quiet chat. “Son,” he said, “in college you’re going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist.” “Dad, you didn’t need to. I’ve already got condoms.” “With a face like yours, you won’t be needing condoms, son. I bought you some anti-depressants.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 5th, 2018, 09:00 AM	#13267
fatrat1 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 2,708 Thanks: 52,473 Thanked 27,275 Times in 2,641 Posts	[QUOTE= What did the leper say to the call girl? Keep the tip.[/QUOTE] Two lepers playing cards, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off. __________________ My Avatar is To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by fatrat1; April 12th, 2018 at 10:34 AM..

April 5th, 2018, 03:39 PM	#13269
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,808 Times in 9,416 Posts	Like rabbits, hares mate prodigiously. One female used to mate with every hare in the field on a rota basis. One day she would mate with all the gentle, considerate hares, and on the next she would have sex with the rough, rude hares. This system continued throughout the year, but sometimes the animals would forget whose turn it was on a particular day, and this could lead to hurt feelings. One of the kind, sensitive male hares complained to a friend: “I don’t know where I stand with her. All morning I’ve been trying to catch her eye, but she just doesn’t want to know.” “Don’t worry,” said the friend. “It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. She’s just having a bad hare day.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 5th, 2018, 04:56 PM	#13270
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,808 Times in 9,416 Posts	A Texan visitor to England asked an Englishman to show him the biggest building in town. “There it is,” said the Englishman. “It’s quite impressive, I must admit.” “You call that big?” scoffed the Texan. “Back in Texas we have buildings just like that but over a hundred times bigger!” “I’m not surprised,” said the Englishman. “That’s the local lunatic asylum!” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 4th, 2018, 06:49 AM	#13261
anothercustom Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 4,950 Thanks: 25,742 Thanked 123,754 Times in 5,161 Posts	What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

April 4th, 2018, 08:13 PM	#13263
Isegrim Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Posts: 1,094 Thanks: 8,200 Thanked 11,679 Times in 1,099 Posts	Isn't that exactly what Donald Trump does with his voters?

April 4th, 2018, 09:40 PM	#13264
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	humidor (noun); Spanish comedian

April 5th, 2018, 12:54 PM	#13268
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	from Monty Python: What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dun-n-ng-g-g! And now for something in a similar vein: What masturbatory tool sounds like a bell? Don-n-ng-g-g!

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