Post your corny jokes

[bp666]

Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.

We haven't met yet.

[Solid]

"Anything that can be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise, will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise" -

Cole's Law

[trailmaster]

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note: "I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants." So I wrote back: "Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone."

[mrfixit]

After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the Exam.”
Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers:
“Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 17 Year old lover, which is logical but not legal.
The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”

[mrfixit]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me,
April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,”
But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and
April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did
Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The Teacher fainted.

[trailmaster]

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said, "Dave, don't worry about it. You're not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering "Dave, you're a veterinarian..."

[mrfixit]

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can’t find the rake. He yells up to his wife, “Where is the rake?”
She can’t hear him and shouts back, “What?”
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, “What?” The man repeats his gestures, mouthing “EYE KNEE – THE RAKE.”
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, “What in the heck was that?”
She replies, “EYE – LEFT TIT – BEHIND – THE BUSH”

[Mal Hombre]

In a similar vein,
A Steeplejack is at the top of a factory chimney and He needs His hacksaw,So He shouts down to His young female assistant but She can't hear Him.He gestures making sawing motions,She points to Him.Her left breast,Her bottom and Her groin ,He repeats His mime,She repeats Hers,Finally He comes down,"What are You doing ? I need the hacksaw" She replies "I said YOU - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - CUNT."

[trailmaster]

A beautiful woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?" The pharmacist replies, "Yes, aisle 11." The blonde goes to the aisle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?" The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy them."

[mrfixit]

Charlie was invited to his friend and wife’s house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen.
To his utter surprise the wife came in and said: “did you like what you saw?”
Charlie smiled and said “yes” he looked towards where the husband was sat.
“Well come tomorrow at lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest”, the wife said.
Charlie knew that he couldn’t afford to spend the night with her.
“Okay, but what about your husband?”
The wife gave out a little sigh and said: “oh don’t worry about him, he’ll be at work”
The next day Charlie turned up to the wife’s house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home.
He asked: “Did Charlie come over today?”
Thinking she had been caught she said: “yes”
The husband carried on: “did he give you the whole $500?”
“Yes”.
The husband let out a huff: “phewww, he came by my work today and asked me
for the money, he didn’t tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch”.