Post your corny jokes - Page 1210

**photoflex** · March 29th, 2017, 04:59 AM

The Graybeard engineer retired and a few weeks later the Big Machine broke down, which was essential to the company’s revenue.
The Manager couldn’t get the machine to work again so the company called in Graybeard as an independent consultant.
Graybeard agrees.
He walks into the factory, takes a look at the Big Machine, grabs a sledge hammer, and whacks the machine once whereupon the machine starts right up.
Graybeard leaves and the company is making money again.
The next day Manager receives a bill from Graybeard for $5,000.
The manager is furious at the price and refuses to pay.
Graybeard assures him that it’s a fair price.
The manager retorts that if it’s a fair price Graybeard won’t mind itemizing the bill.
Graybeard agrees that this is a fair request and complies.
The new, itemized bill reads….

Using a hammer: $5
Knowing where to hit the machine with hammer: $4995

Total: $5000

**photoflex** · March 29th, 2017, 07:26 AM

Chuckle, chuckle....

MaxJoker · March 29th, 2017, 02:14 PM

My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road.

You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.

**SanteeFats** · March 30th, 2017, 03:10 PM

Coroner may be a dead end job but at least the patients don't complain.

**Nobody1** · March 30th, 2017, 06:57 PM

A blonde drives with 180 through the inner city. Finally, she is stopped by a police patrol. A policewoman gets out of the patrol car and wants to see her driving license. The blonde does not know what a driving license is. So she asks what a driver's license looks like. After a moment, the policewoman says 'It's a thing with your picture in it'. The blonde takes a small mirror out of her handbag and shows it to the cop. The policewoman looks puzzled into the little mirror and says 'Oh, you're a colleague. Then please keep driving.'.

**bloke57** · March 30th, 2017, 07:18 PM

Q. Who provided the ice cream in the bible?

A. Lyons of Judah and Walls of Jericho.

**Silklover** · March 30th, 2017, 09:24 PM

How do you make a lemon come? You tickle its citrus...

**gedly** · March 30th, 2017, 10:17 PM

People always tell me, "Remember, it's a jungle out there!". What a load of rubbish. I live in region of temperate deciduous woodland and grassland, with extensive areas of intensive agriculture and urbanisation.

Aaron · March 31st, 2017, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silklover

... You tickle its citrus...

If you can FIND its citrus!

March 29th, 2017, 04:59 AM	#12092
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,922 Thanked 127,778 Times in 3,570 Posts	The Graybeard engineer retired and a few weeks later the Big Machine broke down, which was essential to the company’s revenue. The Manager couldn’t get the machine to work again so the company called in Graybeard as an independent consultant. Graybeard agrees. He walks into the factory, takes a look at the Big Machine, grabs a sledge hammer, and whacks the machine once whereupon the machine starts right up. Graybeard leaves and the company is making money again. The next day Manager receives a bill from Graybeard for $5,000. The manager is furious at the price and refuses to pay. Graybeard assures him that it’s a fair price. The manager retorts that if it’s a fair price Graybeard won’t mind itemizing the bill. Graybeard agrees that this is a fair request and complies. The new, itemized bill reads…. Using a hammer: $5 Knowing where to hit the machine with hammer: $4995 Total: $5000 __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

March 29th, 2017, 07:26 AM	#12093
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,922 Thanked 127,778 Times in 3,570 Posts	Chuckle, chuckle.... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

March 29th, 2017, 02:14 PM	#12094
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,564 Times in 69,067 Posts	My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road. You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 30th, 2017, 06:57 PM	#12096
Nobody1 Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 2,119 Thanks: 16,786 Thanked 22,140 Times in 2,127 Posts	A blonde drives with 180 through the inner city. Finally, she is stopped by a police patrol. A policewoman gets out of the patrol car and wants to see her driving license. The blonde does not know what a driving license is. So she asks what a driver's license looks like. After a moment, the policewoman says 'It's a thing with your picture in it'. The blonde takes a small mirror out of her handbag and shows it to the cop. The policewoman looks puzzled into the little mirror and says 'Oh, you're a colleague. Then please keep driving.'. Last edited by Nobody1; March 30th, 2017 at 07:07 PM..

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March 28th, 2017, 07:52 PM	#12091
JCat Vintage Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 979 Thanks: 2,869 Thanked 14,289 Times in 974 Posts

March 30th, 2017, 03:10 PM	#12095
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,824 Thanks: 281,841 Thanked 813,847 Times in 60,866 Posts	Coroner may be a dead end job but at least the patients don't complain.

March 30th, 2017, 07:18 PM	#12097
bloke57 Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Unaffordable housing Posts: 4,923 Thanks: 31,646 Thanked 68,928 Times in 4,921 Posts	Q. Who provided the ice cream in the bible? A. Lyons of Judah and Walls of Jericho.

March 30th, 2017, 09:24 PM	#12098
Silklover Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Next to you Posts: 1,253 Thanks: 17,262 Thanked 17,819 Times in 1,241 Posts	How do you make a lemon come? You tickle its citrus...

March 30th, 2017, 10:17 PM	#12099
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,310 Times in 3,171 Posts	People always tell me, "Remember, it's a jungle out there!". What a load of rubbish. I live in region of temperate deciduous woodland and grassland, with extensive areas of intensive agriculture and urbanisation.