The corrupt a wish game

[trailmaster]

Wish granted, however, with such incompetent policemen trying to "protect and serve" the criminals now run rampant. Cars are stolen off the streets by the hundreds, citizens are mugged, raped and assaulted everywhere. Banks are robbed and the cops are so stupid they can't do anything. Even the police stations are attacked by criminals armed with rocket guns, heavy machine guns, bazookas, flame throwers and other very deadly weapons which they stole from police armories because the police who are stationed there act like they are retarded. The U.S. declares martial law in all major cities, and have the U.S. Army and National Guard patrol the city streets. Eventually all this chaos causes the stock market to crash. It is even worse than in 1929. Banks and all loan and mortgage companies come to a standstill. People can't get their money. The entire economy collapses and people, even rich people are starving in the streets. Then China, North Korea and even Russia attack us. It is the end of the world!!!


I wish that a volcano would explode right under one of Iran's new Nuclear research plants.

[bowlinggreen]

Wish granted. A huge natural plug of uranium ore blasts out into the subbasement of an Iranian nuke lab from a long buried dormant volcano. As it rises high into the air, the thousands of tons of natural ore react with the refined plutonium the Iranians say they didn't have and critical mass occurs.

So much radiation is released the earth is fatally poisoned. You spend your last day alive wishing that you had never heard of the "corrupt a wish" game, tearfully eating a strawberry milkshake as you listen to "Waltzing Matilda" on Youtube.

I wish I was on a luxury yacht in the Florida Keys.

[trailmaster]

Wish granted, however, your in your luxury yacht in the Florida Keys enjoying a bright warm summer day. The temperature is not too hot. The wind is calm, then you hear this strange fog horn. You can't see where it is coming from, and you wonder why because there is no fog. Then all of a sudden you see a squall approaching you from the east. It is getting darker, and darker and now there is fog, getting thicker and thicker and out of this fog you see a strange ship. You look at it with your binoculars. Damn, it looks like an old pirate ship. You look at the top mast and you see the sign for a skull and crossbones. You startup the motor and think you can outrun this old antiquated ship, but it seems to be floating over the water. Then it is upon you and grappling hooks shoot out from the old ship and grab hold of your ship and then you are horrified to see that the sailors on the pirate ship are all dead men, with dead bloody skin hanging from their bones. Before you know it the men are on your yacht and one says to you. "We've been stuck here for centuries in the Bermuda Triangle east of here, but broke away and we need you're boat." You say "Fuck off" and one of the sailors skewers you with a cutlass and you fall to the deck. When you wake up you are now one of the walking dead on the new pirate ship which used to be your luxury yacht.


I wish I had a device in my colon which acted like the transporter in Star Trek. It would turn all my intestinal waste into energy and I would never have to s...t again.

[Bill derBerg]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

...

I wish I had a device in my colon which acted like the transporter in Star Trek. It would turn all my intestinal waste into energy and I would never have to s...t again.

Granted. For the most original wish so far you are granted your wish with no caveats or fine print. Your waste product produces pure energy and ,detecting its original dna structure, reconstitutes itself in your refrigerator. That delicious strawberry shake you had for dessert was something else altogether this morning. However, if you fart during the energy cycle the propellant strength of the gas determines where the food goes. Sometimes people walking down the street get pelted with your reconstituted food. Since you are the only person with this 'ability' everyone knows who to blame and where to send the dry cleaning bill. Occasionally you answer the door and get an all natural fist to the face.

I wish I could choose to be anyone in history and enjoy the best day of their life.

[trailmaster]

Wish granted, however, you did not specify who you wanted to be so you are Edward John Smith captain of the U.S.S Titanic which hit an iceberg on its maiden voyage on April 15, 1912 and sank taking with it over 1503 passengers to a watery grave. You had a great time all before and during the voyage, until the ship hit the iceberg. Being the captain you refused to go into a lifeboat and sank with your ship. Now you walk the ocean floor as a tormented spirit and you have 1503 other angry spirits who hound you for all eternity.


I wish for no rain on Saturday, because I am going to my building's annual garden party.

[bowlinggreen]

Wish granted, there is no rain - just sun. With record temperatures. As you wander though the party in 105 degree heat and 95 percent humidity, you start to feel faint. Before you can find a place to sit down you are overcome, and fall - striking your head on a rock. A cerebral incident ensues due to the incipient sunstroke and the concussion, and you become a vegetable in the coma ward at the hospital.

I wish I could go back in time and watch Elizabeth I being crowned Queen of England.

[Bill derBerg]

Originally Posted by bowlinggreen

...
I wish I could go back in time and watch Elizabeth I being crowned Queen of England.

Granted. You are transported back in time to 1559. No phone, no lights, no motor cars not a single luxury. Like Robinson Crusoe it's primative as can be. But you make the best of a bad situation by trying to blend in with the crowd. However, you fail miserably. No one can understand your moderm English and your clothes look out of place. When they spot your wristwatch it confirms you are a warlock. Your trial is but a mere formality and yiou are unceremoniously burned at the steak.

I wish I knew the complete ingredients of hot dogs.

[bowlinggreen]

Wish granted. After signing a non-disclosure agreement you are taken on a special tour of a meat packing plant. Looking at the pails and bins full of washed pig assholes, ball sacks, and cow udders makes you want to puke, so you run away from the horror looking for a toilet. Security, thinking you are a secret animal rights activist, begins to chase you. You run screaming up onto a high catwalk, and feeling faint, lose your balance and go over the railing - right into the meat renderer for the hot dogs. They manage to scrape out your clothes and bones and wash the poop and nastiness out of the machine, but about 20 percent of you ends up as Oscar Meyer wieners - including YOUR wiener.

So now you know.

I wish I could go back in time and warn Abe Lincoln that he was going to get shot at Ford's Theater on the night in question.

[trailmaster]

Wish granted, however, you failed to realize that you must have on period clothing. You arrived by a time portal dressed in your 20th century clothing. Almost immediately you are arrested by the police and put in a police lockup wagon and taken to the police station for questioning. Right away you start saying to the police; "President Lincoln may be assassinated at Ford's Theater tonight". The police look at you queerily, disregard what you say and are more interested at your electronic watch, your smartphone, your strange clothing. They say to you "What are these machines you have". "Where did you come from". You won't answer because you know they will think you are some kind of lunatic. You do keep telling them about President Lincoln's upcoming assassination. They think you might be a lunatic anyway and have you transferred to the U.S. Marshall's service in Landover, Maryland. You are put in the lower cells to be questioned at a later date. You are stripped of all your 20th century clothes and items and are given a prison outfit. Your fate is uncertain.

I wish for a mild and warm Autumn.

[Bill derBerg]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

...

I wish for a mild and warm Autumn.

Granted. It's milder and warmer than British beer. It's as exciting as the Olympics. If the weather was a car it would be a Lada. Suddenly, there is a roar and a localized electrical disturbance. Could this be a storm. No, it's a time machine carrying a rather odd looking chap with a bad case of hirsutism. He claims to be from the future and he's here to stop you from wishing for a new Ford Crown Victoria. Before you can argue he rushes to your kitchen and begins to gobble down your last bit of Breyer's bubble gum and cookies ice cream. Enraged you make a grab for the flux capacitor on his time machine only to miss and pull the activator handle. You are quickly transported back in time and appear on the back of a covered wagon. You soon find out you are with General Custer and on your way to Wounded Knee. Good times to follow. Meanwhile the machines owner is standing in your kitchen wondering how he's going to get back home in time to watch The Gang Bang Theory.

I wish my mailman would get bit by a tarantula for delivering me nothing but bills.