A Great Play on Words - Page 3

**electile disfunction** · November 5th, 2010, 12:16 AM

When Hydrogen U played Oxygen Tech
The game had just begun
When Hydrogen racked up two fast points
But Oxygen still had none.

Then Oxygen scored a single goal
And thus it did remain,
Hydrogen 2 and Oxygen 1 ...
Called because of rain.

--by Johnny Hart

P.S.: I'm feeling lonely folks. Does anyone else have some puns?

**Mal Hombre** · November 22nd, 2010, 06:38 PM

Felching takes it out of You.......

**Mal Hombre** · May 6th, 2011, 01:51 PM

Two's company,Ten's an orgy......

**electile disfunction** · May 6th, 2011, 02:15 PM

It takes two to tango (and two hundred to mosh!).

**tygrkhat40** · May 6th, 2011, 03:59 PM

My favorite teacher took a drink,
But he will drink no more.
For what he thougth was H2O
Was H2SO4.

Hope you remember your basic chemistry.

welshworrier · May 7th, 2011, 09:48 PM

Countryside - the act of killing Piers Morgan

**Navvet** · May 8th, 2011, 12:59 AM

I knew she was a fisherman's daughter, because when I showed her my rod, she reeled.

**Ghaleon** · May 8th, 2011, 02:17 AM

1.A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7.A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8.A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9.Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this is so bad, it's good…..) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10.And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did

**lothian** · December 20th, 2011, 12:54 AM

I'll never forget my first camping holiday, it was in tents.

**tygrkhat40** · December 20th, 2011, 02:25 PM

If people from Hempstead get hemmerhoids, do people from Poland get polaroids? Do people from Astrakhan get asteroids?

November 5th, 2010, 12:16 AM	#21
electile disfunction Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Somewhere flat, that's either hot, cold, or windy ... Canada? Posts: 1,966 Thanks: 42,100 Thanked 21,353 Times in 1,903 Posts	Water When Hydrogen U played Oxygen Tech The game had just begun When Hydrogen racked up two fast points But Oxygen still had none. Then Oxygen scored a single goal And thus it did remain, Hydrogen 2 and Oxygen 1 ... Called because of rain. --by Johnny Hart P.S.: I'm feeling lonely folks. Does anyone else have some puns?

November 22nd, 2010, 06:38 PM	#22
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,153 Thanks: 772,850 Thanked 855,927 Times in 57,579 Posts	Felching takes it out of You....... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 6th, 2011, 01:51 PM	#23
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,153 Thanks: 772,850 Thanked 855,927 Times in 57,579 Posts	Two's company,Ten's an orgy...... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 8th, 2011, 02:17 AM	#28
Ghaleon Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Between Here & There Posts: 2,063 Thanks: 73,874 Thanked 34,818 Times in 2,064 Posts	1.A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 3.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6.A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7.A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8.A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9.Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this is so bad, it's good…..) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10.And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 20th, 2011, 02:25 PM	#30
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 152,633 Times in 9,629 Posts	If people from Hempstead get hemmerhoids, do people from Poland get polaroids? Do people from Astrakhan get asteroids? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 6th, 2011, 02:15 PM	#24
electile disfunction Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Somewhere flat, that's either hot, cold, or windy ... Canada? Posts: 1,966 Thanks: 42,100 Thanked 21,353 Times in 1,903 Posts	It takes two to tango (and two hundred to mosh!).

May 6th, 2011, 03:59 PM	#25
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 152,633 Times in 9,629 Posts	My favorite teacher took a drink, But he will drink no more. For what he thougth was H2O Was H2SO4. Hope you remember your basic chemistry.

May 7th, 2011, 09:48 PM	#26
welshworrier Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 49 Thanks: 15 Thanked 1,185 Times in 49 Posts	Countryside - the act of killing Piers Morgan

May 8th, 2011, 12:59 AM	#27
Navvet An Old Salt Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 8,095 Thanks: 71,681 Thanked 279,568 Times in 8,087 Posts	I knew she was a fisherman's daughter, because when I showed her my rod, she reeled.

December 20th, 2011, 12:54 AM	#29
lothian Vintage Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Edinburgh Scotland Posts: 706 Thanks: 7,330 Thanked 9,841 Times in 704 Posts	I'll never forget my first camping holiday, it was in tents.