Post your corny jokes - Page 1121

**photoflex** · July 2nd, 2016, 06:01 AM

The young couple next door just made a sex tape.
They don't know it, of course.

The hardest part of making skimmed milk must be throwing the cows across the lake.

The guy next to me at work used to watch porn all day.
I'm just glad he didn't begin to rub of on me.

I think if I was to try revenge porn, I'd just post naked pictures of myself online.
So everyone would know how low my exe's standards were.

When answering the security question 'Place of Birth',
apparently 'Vagina' is not an acceptable answer.

It's been a tough week.
I bought myself a memory foam mattress,
and now it's trying to blackmail me.

I've currently got a stalker.
But you probably can't tell in these trousers.

A friend of mine was killed by the big C.
He was walking past Curry's and the sign fell on his head.

I was watching TV and the announcer said there was
a documentary about the clitoris on the red button.
But I couldn't find it.

**Mal Hombre** · July 2nd, 2016, 08:55 AM

Doctor doctor,I think I'm a bucket..
You do look a little pale..

**thunderfly** · July 2nd, 2016, 11:20 AM

Guess who I bumped into the other day in Specsavers?
Everyone.

A pirate walks into a bar with the ships wheel stuffed down the front of his trousers.
"Isn't that uncomfortable?" asked the barman.
"Aye, it's drivin' me nuts" replied the pirate.

**gedly** · July 2nd, 2016, 12:42 PM

I was asked at the airport, "Will you be on holiday in Spain?". "Well, I'm a bit late for the Civil War", I replied.

MaxJoker · July 2nd, 2016, 12:56 PM

**SanteeFats** · July 2nd, 2016, 01:47 PM

A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to bl*w me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts bl*wing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says, "Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says, "Sure," and the other guy says, "Okay, just don't hit me that hard."

**rosestone** · July 2nd, 2016, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

A guy walks into a bar with his monkey

A variation on the same theme.......

A teenage guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like 5 shots of Jagermeister please".
The barman looks around and says "Kid, you're alone. Why do you want 5 shots of Jager all at once? Just order one, then if you want another, I'll get your another."
The kid says "But I'm celebrating my first ever blow-job!"
The barman smiles and says "Congratulations son! I tell you what, I'll get you six shots, the last one's on the house."
The kid says "Thanks mister, but if 5 shots of Jager doesn't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

**trailmaster** · July 2nd, 2016, 10:03 PM

Great joke rosestone

**jafad** · July 3rd, 2016, 06:20 AM

My mate Alan, is the best prankster ever.
Every time I come home early from work,he is always hiding naked under my bed waiting to jump out on me.
.
How he sneaks in without my missus even knowing is beyond me

**captpike** · July 3rd, 2016, 11:51 AM

July 2nd, 2016, 06:01 AM	#11201
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,786 Times in 3,570 Posts	The young couple next door just made a sex tape. They don't know it, of course. The hardest part of making skimmed milk must be throwing the cows across the lake. The guy next to me at work used to watch porn all day. I'm just glad he didn't begin to rub of on me. I think if I was to try revenge porn, I'd just post naked pictures of myself online. So everyone would know how low my exe's standards were. When answering the security question 'Place of Birth', apparently 'Vagina' is not an acceptable answer. It's been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress, and now it's trying to blackmail me. I've currently got a stalker. But you probably can't tell in these trousers. A friend of mine was killed by the big C. He was walking past Curry's and the sign fell on his head. I was watching TV and the announcer said there was a documentary about the clitoris on the red button. But I couldn't find it. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

July 2nd, 2016, 08:55 AM	#11202
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,732 Thanked 855,811 Times in 57,574 Posts	Doctor doctor,I think I'm a bucket.. You do look a little pale.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 2nd, 2016, 12:56 PM	#11205
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	__________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 3rd, 2016, 11:51 AM	#11210
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,337 Thanked 47,306 Times in 1,164 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 2nd, 2016, 11:20 AM	#11203
thunderfly Vintage Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 896 Thanks: 6,620 Thanked 11,386 Times in 896 Posts	Guess who I bumped into the other day in Specsavers? Everyone. A pirate walks into a bar with the ships wheel stuffed down the front of his trousers. "Isn't that uncomfortable?" asked the barman. "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts" replied the pirate.

July 2nd, 2016, 12:42 PM	#11204
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,317 Times in 3,171 Posts	I was asked at the airport, "Will you be on holiday in Spain?". "Well, I'm a bit late for the Civil War", I replied.

July 2nd, 2016, 01:47 PM	#11206
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,976 Times in 60,879 Posts	A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to blw me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts blwing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says, "Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says, "Sure," and the other guy says, "Okay, just don't hit me that hard."

July 2nd, 2016, 10:03 PM	#11208
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,899 Thanks: 1,329,042 Thanked 707,264 Times in 60,072 Posts	Great joke rosestone

July 3rd, 2016, 06:20 AM	#11209
jafad Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 547 Thanks: 740 Thanked 10,278 Times in 547 Posts	My mate Alan, is the best prankster ever. Every time I come home early from work,he is always hiding naked under my bed waiting to jump out on me. . How he sneaks in without my missus even knowing is beyond me