Post your corny jokes

[MaxJoker]

Always tell the girls i work freelance, and am on regular performance-related pay.


Find that sounds better than,


" I`m a busker shaking his tambourine while standing outside McDonald`s ".

[jackpinesavage]

They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!
-------------------------------------
*One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Estate
agent which direction was north because He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
And has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
--------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
-----------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

------------------------------------------------

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.

*****************************************

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

[henry_fellows]

Originally Posted by photoflex

I heard he asked to be frozen again, after failing to find a single new joke in this thread.....

The link to all your posts appears not to work

Sorry - no matches. Please try some different terms.

Henry

[henry_fellows]

A game keeper was walking around his employers land when he spotted a man with his hand stuffed down a rabbit hole.
..OI! YOU,,YOU THERE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING POACHING ON THIS LAND.
..the man looks up startled
..Is that you vicar asks the game keeper
..yes my son he reply's
...what are you doing poaching rabbits from my guvnors land he asks??
..well, you see my son my stipend is only small, so wrong though it maybe, I catch a few rabbits to save a little money
..but vicar how come you have a bag full of rabbits, but you have no dog no gun nothing but your hands how do you do it??
..well my son i'll let you into a little sectret
you need to get the smell of your wife’s private parts on your fingers, you know how rabbits are, when they smell the woman’s musk they cannot resist but come up the hole to see what the smell is because it makes them full fruity, then you grab them!! Its as easy as that

..o ok vicar, you can take a few now and again, but don’t let on to anyone as how I gave you permission
..ok my son god bless you
The very next day the game keeper goes out to catch a few rabbits for his own table, with not much luck and then he remembers what the vicar had told him.
so he goes home see's his wife bending over getting some home made cakes outta the oven.
he creaps up behind her slowly puts his hand up her skirt and puts his fingers in to her knickers.

OWWWWWWWW she shreaked you made me jump.
YOU GOING POACHING AGAIN VICAR



Best Wishes
Henry

[photoflex]

Originally Posted by henry_fellows

The link to all your posts appears not to work
Sorry - no matches. Please try some different terms.
Henry

Thanks, Henry_Fellows, I believe some heavy cursing provides the right terms.
But no, really, this happens all the time. After a while the link stops working. Some kind member helped me and provided a link that would keep working, but clearly that also failed.

[slisse]

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church-goer, "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

[MaxJoker]

Look all i`m saying is if you want to set up a company and run it ?.

Then that's your business.

[MaxJoker]

Sean Connery has always said he would leave the Bahamas and return to his homeland of Scotchland, if it ever gained independence.

He must be shitting himself !.


Not saying i`m ugly , only when i was in prison and dropped the soap in the shower everyone else ran out .


Was on a ride at the funfair yesterday and the guy on the mike shouted "hold on to your hats".

Next thing i know all the women and children are screaming plus i`m being dragged away then arrested for indecent exposure.

Hats, helmets, what`s the fcuking difference ?.

[amantpoche]

early morning Vladimire Putin out on the terrace for some fresh air,
and looks at the sun, the sun told him, I greet you big Putin.
At noon Putin goes back on the terrace, the sun told him
I greet you big Putin and Vladimir cash back inside.
A 03 hours Putin appears on the terrace to breathe fresh air,
and there is no salvation from the sun, upset Putin said the sun this morning
at noon and you welcomed me and now you say nothing.
Sun said this morning at noon as I was to the east, but
now that I'm in the west, i tell you , fuck you asshole .

[retroanalyst]

I forgot to go to Hypochondriacs Anonymous today.

I bet it's early-onset Alzheimer's.