Post your corny jokes - Page 1164

Solid · October 13th, 2016, 07:08 PM

I suppose the good thing is when they catch all these hundreds of killer clowns they will all fit in one police car.

**SanteeFats** · October 13th, 2016, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soild

I suppose the good thing is when they catch all these hundreds of killer clowns they will all fit in one police car.

Unless they are :

**seany65** · October 13th, 2016, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soild

I suppose the good thing is when they catch all these hundreds of killer clowns they will all fit in one police car.

Doesn't matter. It'll fall to bits half-way down the road and they'll all escape.

**trailmaster** · October 14th, 2016, 12:45 PM

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen! "Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why are you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, " I was not always a frog." "Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was walking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog." "But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest. So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bed!

**photoflex** · October 14th, 2016, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond.

You left out the punchline; "And that Your Honor, is the case for the Defense!"

boyk99 · October 15th, 2016, 05:50 AM

Teacher in front of a class of 8 year olds. Children I want you to make a sentence with the words "Rubber Balls" in it.
Teacher "yes Anna?" Anna "I love the ball pit with the rubber balls"
Teacher "very good Anna."
Teacher "yes peter?" peter "I love rubber balls as they bounce so high"
Teacher " very good peter"
Then snotty little jimmy puts his hand up, Teacher knows he always has dirty answers to these question times, but she can't think of anything bad about rubber balls, so she asks him for his response. and jimmy replies
"when my dad brought his new bride from Thailand, I heard them in bed and I heard his new bride telling him to rubber balls.

boyk99 · October 15th, 2016, 05:51 AM

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! "
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!

boyk99 · October 15th, 2016, 05:52 AM

Dad was in the field ploughing when he noticed Mary run into the barn. A few seconds later Bruce runs into the barn after her. After about 20 minutes they still haven't come out of the barn, So Dad decides to see what they are doing.
As he walks into the barn he see's Bruce on top of Mary and he was going to town, Dad thinks to himself that dirty bastard and picks up a shovel and whacks Bruce on the arse with it Bruce jumps up and runs out side.
Mary was still lying on the floor trying to cover up her modesty; Dad looked down at her and said I didn't think you had it in you Mary.
Neither did I dad said Mary until you hit him on the arse with the shovel.!!

boyk99 · October 15th, 2016, 05:53 AM

A guy walked into a bar with a pet Alligator by his side. He put the Alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my privates inside. Then the 'gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my privates, unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The 'gator closed his mouth, as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and hit the alligator on the top of its head. The 'gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone £100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar, and a woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."

boyk99 · October 15th, 2016, 05:54 AM

Carol was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of prostitutes, Carol among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Carol's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Carol told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some."Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied
"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."
The policeman fainted.

October 13th, 2016, 07:08 PM	#11631
Solid Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 200 Thanks: 21,134 Thanked 2,939 Times in 199 Posts	I suppose the good thing is when they catch all these hundreds of killer clowns they will all fit in one police car.

October 14th, 2016, 12:45 PM	#11634
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,898 Thanks: 1,329,029 Thanked 707,255 Times in 60,072 Posts	One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen! "Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why are you so sad?" "Well," said the frog, " I was not always a frog." "Tell me more" said the priest. "One day, I was walking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog." "But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest. "Well said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again." "Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest. So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bed!

October 15th, 2016, 05:50 AM	#11636
boyk99 Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 20 Thanks: 91 Thanked 223 Times in 19 Posts	Teacher in front of a class of 8 year olds. Children I want you to make a sentence with the words "Rubber Balls" in it. Teacher "yes Anna?" Anna "I love the ball pit with the rubber balls" Teacher "very good Anna." Teacher "yes peter?" peter "I love rubber balls as they bounce so high" Teacher " very good peter" Then snotty little jimmy puts his hand up, Teacher knows he always has dirty answers to these question times, but she can't think of anything bad about rubber balls, so she asks him for his response. and jimmy replies "when my dad brought his new bride from Thailand, I heard them in bed and I heard his new bride telling him to rubber balls.

October 15th, 2016, 05:51 AM	#11637
boyk99 Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 20 Thanks: 91 Thanked 223 Times in 19 Posts	A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! " "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman. "What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," he replied. She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!

October 15th, 2016, 05:52 AM	#11638
boyk99 Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 20 Thanks: 91 Thanked 223 Times in 19 Posts	Dad was in the field ploughing when he noticed Mary run into the barn. A few seconds later Bruce runs into the barn after her. After about 20 minutes they still haven't come out of the barn, So Dad decides to see what they are doing. As he walks into the barn he see's Bruce on top of Mary and he was going to town, Dad thinks to himself that dirty bastard and picks up a shovel and whacks Bruce on the arse with it Bruce jumps up and runs out side. Mary was still lying on the floor trying to cover up her modesty; Dad looked down at her and said I didn't think you had it in you Mary. Neither did I dad said Mary until you hit him on the arse with the shovel.!!

October 15th, 2016, 05:53 AM	#11639
boyk99 Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 20 Thanks: 91 Thanked 223 Times in 19 Posts	A guy walked into a bar with a pet Alligator by his side. He put the Alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my privates inside. Then the 'gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my privates, unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The 'gator closed his mouth, as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and hit the alligator on the top of its head. The 'gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone £100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar, and a woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."

October 15th, 2016, 05:54 AM	#11640
boyk99 Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 20 Thanks: 91 Thanked 223 Times in 19 Posts	Carol was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of prostitutes, Carol among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Carol's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Carol told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some."Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry." The policeman fainted.