Bringing Porn Into Relationships

[blueboy]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone has any advice with how to approach this with my girl and anyone has movie recommendations for someone who has never watched porn that won't freak them out. Basically, sex has been a bit conservative for my liking since meeting my partner but recently it's been getting a bit more kinky and frankly, I want it to continue.

My partner knows I watch it, as she found my files one day after I got careless with my laptop. She wasn't very impressed and it's never been mentioned again, but I've decided to just take a leap and I'm going to ask her if she'd like to watch some with me and see what her reaction is.

I'm looking for some movies that a female first timer may like, so I figure something that can fill this criteria:
-The girl has to be genuinely enjoying herself and having a good time.
-The guy has to be pleasing to a female eye.
-Lingerie would be nice but not essential.
-The girl in the scene CANNOT have huge tits! (a fair bit of my stash is well catered for in this department, but my missus isn't exactly the chestiest of ladies, which is one of the reasons I didn't really want her seeing my collection before I had a bit of a clear out. I don't want her thinking that I only get turned on by big tits).

Thanks for reading this far and I look forward to hearing any recommendations, also it would be great to get some female advice if there are any ladies reading this. Thanks.

[peter_pp]

Start with softer content showing clips with pleasures for HER ...

[slimOl55]

I remember that we had this question before,
http://vintage-erotica-forum.com/sho...13&postcount=1

and I have had time to reflect the logical answers - you can try anyhing Tinto Brass:

http://vintage-erotica-forum.com/sho...ht=tinto+brass

beyond that, Andrew Blake:http://vintage-erotica-forum.com/sho...t=andrew+blake

is the Hollywood version and is very girl-girl orientated, but still very voyeristic! It just takes time to find her kink, after that you can expand your search here at VEF - this must be the best free source for any research & questions.

Happy New Year to all @ VEF

slimol55

[Sharkhunter]

Try X-Art or its new spin-off site colette.com. All the models are gorgeous, a good number of the males are not your usual grunting chimps, and hardcore and even anal is elevated to what is almost an art.

[Sir Honkers]

Good luck with that. The average women being turned on by porn is male wishful thinking. The funny thing is, in my relationship, my wife has always been the one 'wanting to spice things up.' I go along with her roleplay and dressups and so forth, but only because the sex is fantastic when she's really in the mood. Otherwise, it all makes me feel a bit silly.
>sigh< the indignities you suffer for a good root.

[Sharkhunter]

I think the extent of how successful porn can be depends on your partner's preferences. Most women prefer mental and emotional stimulation to visual cues like us more primitive males, but on others it can work.

However the sight of another guy (in my experience at least) doesn't have the same effect on a woman as looking at another girl has on a man - I can just think of three of my ex-girlfriends and the current Mrs Sharky stated categorically that other guys do nothing for them. Curiously, nearly all of my partners were/are turned off by the "beefcake" types often seen in porn. The trick I have found is if your girl has sapphic tendencies that are obvious or waiting to be tapped - the sight of another girl being fucked or eaten out is more likely to turn her on than the guy doing the actual fucking.

As my current partner is as straight as a die and has no sapphic tendencies whatsoever, I know I am onto a loser in trying to get her to watch even the most sensual "couples" porn. However it did work with my ex, especially B/G/G stuff.

[Pinkpapercut]

This is a bit tangential to your request but I think it's worth saying.

Since my late 20s I've been upfront about my interest in and use of visual porn and erotica with girlfriends and friends in general, and the girl-friends have mostly been accepting of it but uniformly uninterested in sharing the experience of watching beyond their passing curiosity, even when it was sex videos I'd supposed might be more appealing to a woman.

I'd say women are more likely to enjoy porn in the form of erotic fiction than in video or photo-magazine format. There's more time and opportunity for them to identify and become emotionally involved with the characters in books.

The only woman I've known independently use visual porn was heterosexual and a friend rather than a girl friend, and she used to buy gay men's porn mags for the "ripped young man with a boner" photos, and I'm guessing gay porn is not something that's ever going to be on the viewing agenda with you and your GF.

On the other hand, over the decades I've had a highly sexed GF who bought Club International and Men Only for the sex stories but had no interest in any kind of visual porn, a GF who devoured Anais Nin stories, and a GF who loved sexy fantasy and science fiction novels and fantasised about being fucked simultaneously in vagina and anus by a double-dicked alien lizard man she'd read of in one novel.

And that's not to mention the millions of women out there who bought and were turned on by the tedious - to me - "Fifty Shades of Grey".

So you might find it useful to tempt your partner on board the porn-cruiser with fiction rather than videos.

Once she's on board you could maybe move her on to vids. Perhaps one of those "how-to" sex vids so popular in the early 90s would be a good introduction - I find a lot of women still need an initial "permission" to enjoy non-vanilla sexual experiences, and "it's educational" might be that permission, like those old time supposedly tee-total ladies who wouldn't let a drop of liquor pass their lips but downed many a bottle of tonic wine because it was "medicinal".

Keep in mind too that she won't be watching video porn with male eyes but with female eyes, so the usually intensely (god I hate this phrase but it's appropriate here) Male Gaze of porn videos will likely alienate her or distance her from the content and reduce the chances of her enjoying and being turned on by it..

[LadyLuck]

Originally Posted by blueboy

My partner knows I watch it, as she found my files one day after I got careless with my laptop. She wasn't very impressed and it's never been mentioned again, but I've decided to just take a leap and I'm going to ask her if she'd like to watch some with me and see what her reaction is.

She wasn't very impressed with the porn itself or wasn't very impressed that you look at porn or wasn't very impressed with the fact that you were hiding it from her? Or all three, perhaps?

"Hey, honey... would you be interested in watching some of this stuff that I was hiding from you and didn't want you to know about but that you accidentally stumbled upon due to my carelessness?"

Let us know how that works out for you.

[KingKeigh]

Definitely start off slow with the softcore stuff. Lots of low budget erotica on Netflix as a primer. Or just kind of innocently channel surf your way to some late night cable movie and leave it on. See how she reacts. Then leave one of your favorite XXX dvds out mixed among your regular movies so she can find it. Turn your back and let her curiously put it in the machine and watch her reaction.

I haven't had that much luck with getting girls I like to appreciate porn. I often wait for a moment when the subject of porn comes up to gauge a woman's reaction to it. Other times I just don't mention it. I've had exactly one girlfriend who loved porn and she was a bi-sexual woman who was into it way before me but she pilfered a few of my best magazines. And even she criticized the production quality, the actors' looks and the content of some of my favorite movies. It's like I was sleeping with Roger Ebert. I admit, truthfully I prefer that activity just be a solo project. Just like she may enjoy having her "alone" time with her special toys, my porn collections are my special toys.

With my ex-wife, I used to do that channel surf thing to see if that heated up the mood. Usually got some mixed results from her but she sometimes liked to imitate some of what she saw when we got to bed later. She generally only liked erotic movies if they had big stars in them like 9 1/2 Weeks and Basic Instinct.

[old alal]

I've had some experience here, so I'll share a bit if I may.

Firstly I think most of the replies so far are all helpful. Going back over time I've had about 30 % of my relationships include porn in some guise, but almost all wanted "erotica" rather than "porn" All of these needed (or started) with my openness about porn to all my partners. In the cases where we used it together, discussions about it, why I looked etc were always the start. This would spark an interest. Nearly 90% of my girlfriends looked at some sort of porn, be it written, pictorial soft core top shelf mags, harder Scandinavian ones or videos, both with me and alone. Only 30% or so continued to do so, often suggesting I bring a magazine to bed (in the early days) so we could look at the pictures together and talk about them. They were all very curious as to what I got turned on by for instance. They would often then suggest we try the positions on offer, and in fact as I remember now the very first time I came on a girls face was at her suggestion after she said something like "look at her she is really enjoying that".

I was the keeper of the porn at work, a title and honour bestowed upon me I think because I could copy them. I therefore took other peoples tapes home at weekends to copy. Of course I watched as I copied, usually late at night after my partner had either gone home or to bed. On one occasion a friend came down to join me (good thing I wasn't wanking) with the rather soft excuse that she wanted to see what was going on. As I had not seen the film before, I warned her that it might not be suitable for couples watching. This really interested her and after discussing what couples porn was rather than just porn, while the tapes continued to be copied, well we watched cuddling up on the sofa. She wasn't wearing much and I obviously played with her breasts. Her nipples were harder than I'd remembered and I told her this. She rubbed them and agreed, she then put her hand between her legs and said "look I am also wetter than normal, this turn on thing must really work". She put her wet fingers into my mouth and ..... well I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Needless to say we watched nearly every weekend after that, until some of the films became harder, then she suggested I do the copying when she was otherwise occupied, and we watch something we had seen before later. She even suggested we put a TV and Player in the bedroom.

I summarise.
Do it slow, talk about it first, perhaps tell her what you used to look at when you were younger, and offer to find some examples on the internet, perhaps here to see her interest level. Be honest and you never know

Keep the anal stuff away though, and any suggested rape or forcing. I would also go for short films with a little story, she is not daft so the pizza man with his cock in the box won't really work, unless you use it as an example of how stupid they are until they get to the sex.

Good luck. I'll be happy to share some more stories if you like, but let us know how you go on.