Car, Van and Motorcycle Advert Cliches

**scoundrel** · April 26th, 2009, 07:46 AM

Just a bit of fun.

Anyone on a limited budget who has been stuck for transport will have been obliged to look in the magazine and newspaper adverts (or these days, on the web sites) to see what their money will buy anywhere within striking distance of home. Exchange & Mart, Autotrader, Biketrader: that sort of thing.

What I noticed here is the recurrence of standard phrases until they stop meaning anything. More than once, I have made inconvenient journeys to obscure corners of London and Essex to discover that the ''mint condition'' object of my hopes looks like a piece of deep sea salvage. So I wondered if anyone else has had this wonderful experience of trying to decypher the small ad to get at the truth.

Here are a few of the standard phrases and my alternative translations.

Rare Classic: No one wanted them when they were new.
Never seen rain: Doesn't run in the wet.
XYZ ''Streetfighter'': This one is specific to motorbikes and it means ''I had a spectacular crash and trashed all the plastic bits. Now I can't afford to replace them''.
Low mileage: It's horrid! I hate driving/riding it!
In need of restoration: Please take my worthless scrap away.
Cosmetic damage: In worse condition than the Parthanon.
Any other suggestions?

**eelcat** · April 26th, 2009, 08:28 AM

How about...

First to see will buy Will be the first to say 'bye

That's all I've got

**27cows** · April 26th, 2009, 09:12 AM

Good runner - usually refers to what the owner will do as soon as he's got your money
Full service history - my mate Barry also knocks up fake passports
Many extras - many non-standard bits bodged on from other bikes/cars
Never ridden in the wet - but crashed several times in the dry
First to see will buy - I have a gun/it's nicked and I'll let you have it for peanuts
No MOT but will easily pass - something major is buggered
Offers considered - I'm desperate to get rid of this pile of shite
New chain and tyres - I wore the last set out in 1500 miles of wheelies and burnouts

**Wendigo** · April 26th, 2009, 11:19 AM

I hate the flash adverts that show a great looking car and in large letters underneath will say something like.

THE ALPHA MEGACAR - FROM ONLY £5995 and a small asterisk*

Then by a small asterisk at the bottom of the adverts and in verrrrrrrrry small letters - The model shown is the 1.8 tooflashforyoupeasants £14,995.

**27cows** · April 26th, 2009, 11:36 AM

One careful owner (and six bloody awful ones)
Lady owner (we all know what women drivers are like

)
Mature owner (doddery old fart who will have destroyed the tyres on kerbs and scraped most of the paint off trying to park in tight spaces)
Owned by enthusiast (owned by one of the few people stupid enough to buy one of these piles of junk)

**scoundrel** · April 26th, 2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 27cows

One careful owner (and six bloody awful ones)

Oh yes: seen this one before. It can also mean pre-enjoyed by Hertz Car Rental, Hertz Van Rental or Addison Lee Motorcycle Couriers.

**eelcat** · April 26th, 2009, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoundrel

Oh yes: seen this one before. It can also mean pre-enjoyed by Hertz Car Rental, Hertz Van Rental or Addison Lee Motorcycle Couriers.

Reminds me of that Two Ronnies news item that started "Dutch footballer Budget Van Rental..."
I pissed myself when I first heard that

dickerbetwixt · June 17th, 2010, 06:55 PM

Apologies for not sticking to the spirit of this post, but I cannot stand those Honda adverts on TV where they don't show any cars at all, and come out with rubbish such as "What if".

If they are trying to be artistic or trendy it just doesn't work for me. If you are advertising then show your product.

I don't want to buy a "What if"

glamourfan · June 18th, 2010, 08:51 AM

One that's always amused me is 'Genuine reason for sale'.

Bloody pointless statement but it does give you chance to play 'guess the reason'.

How about the car's started to develop a fault that's going to cost a fortune to put right and the owner wants to find some mug to take it off their hands so it won't be them that has to pay for it?

Or the car's just a complete pile of crap and the owner wants to find some mug to take it off their hands so that they can afford to buy something decent?

**tabler** · June 18th, 2010, 08:59 AM

Another one in the same vein as that is "Up for re-sale due to time wasters" what, you mean people are wasting your time for not wanting to buy your shit car?

April 26th, 2009, 07:46 AM	#1
scoundrel Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: England Posts: 26,237 Thanks: 162,389 Thanked 278,408 Times in 26,182 Posts	Car, Van and Motorcycle Advert Cliches Just a bit of fun. Anyone on a limited budget who has been stuck for transport will have been obliged to look in the magazine and newspaper adverts (or these days, on the web sites) to see what their money will buy anywhere within striking distance of home. Exchange & Mart, Autotrader, Biketrader: that sort of thing. What I noticed here is the recurrence of standard phrases until they stop meaning anything. More than once, I have made inconvenient journeys to obscure corners of London and Essex to discover that the ''mint condition'' object of my hopes looks like a piece of deep sea salvage. So I wondered if anyone else has had this wonderful experience of trying to decypher the small ad to get at the truth. Here are a few of the standard phrases and my alternative translations. Rare Classic: No one wanted them when they were new. Never seen rain: Doesn't run in the wet. XYZ ''Streetfighter'': This one is specific to motorbikes and it means ''I had a spectacular crash and trashed all the plastic bits. Now I can't afford to replace them''. Low mileage: It's horrid! I hate driving/riding it! In need of restoration: Please take my worthless scrap away. Cosmetic damage: In worse condition than the Parthanon. Any other suggestions?

June 18th, 2010, 08:59 AM	#10
tabler Comfortably Numb Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: St James Park Posts: 7,028 Thanks: 112,504 Thanked 146,054 Times in 8,009 Posts	Another one in the same vein as that is "Up for re-sale due to time wasters" what, you mean people are wasting your time for not wanting to buy your shit car? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. *Velcome to zee Forum. You must obey zee rules!*

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April 26th, 2009, 08:28 AM	#2
eelcat Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 660 Thanks: 2,389 Thanked 6,300 Times in 648 Posts	How about... First to see will buy Will be the first to say 'bye That's all I've got

April 26th, 2009, 09:12 AM	#3
27cows Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 368 Thanks: 9,524 Thanked 5,514 Times in 363 Posts	Good runner - usually refers to what the owner will do as soon as he's got your money Full service history - my mate Barry also knocks up fake passports Many extras - many non-standard bits bodged on from other bikes/cars Never ridden in the wet - but crashed several times in the dry First to see will buy - I have a gun/it's nicked and I'll let you have it for peanuts No MOT but will easily pass - something major is buggered Offers considered - I'm desperate to get rid of this pile of shite New chain and tyres - I wore the last set out in 1500 miles of wheelies and burnouts

April 26th, 2009, 11:19 AM	#4
Wendigo Former Staff Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Blighty Posts: 113,759 Thanks: 259,865 Thanked 1,139,125 Times in 113,881 Posts	I hate the flash adverts that show a great looking car and in large letters underneath will say something like. THE ALPHA MEGACAR - FROM ONLY £5995 and a small asterisk* Then by a small asterisk at the bottom of the adverts and in verrrrrrrrry small letters - The model shown is the 1.8 tooflashforyoupeasants £14,995.

April 26th, 2009, 11:36 AM	#5
27cows Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 368 Thanks: 9,524 Thanked 5,514 Times in 363 Posts	One careful owner (and six bloody awful ones) Lady owner (we all know what women drivers are like ) Mature owner (doddery old fart who will have destroyed the tyres on kerbs and scraped most of the paint off trying to park in tight spaces) Owned by enthusiast (owned by one of the few people stupid enough to buy one of these piles of junk)

June 17th, 2010, 06:55 PM	#8
dickerbetwixt Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 370 Thanks: 1,582 Thanked 3,195 Times in 368 Posts	Apologies for not sticking to the spirit of this post, but I cannot stand those Honda adverts on TV where they don't show any cars at all, and come out with rubbish such as "What if". If they are trying to be artistic or trendy it just doesn't work for me. If you are advertising then show your product. I don't want to buy a "What if"

June 18th, 2010, 08:51 AM	#9
glamourfan Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 169 Thanks: 1,045 Thanked 8,884 Times in 158 Posts	One that's always amused me is 'Genuine reason for sale'. Bloody pointless statement but it does give you chance to play 'guess the reason'. How about the car's started to develop a fault that's going to cost a fortune to put right and the owner wants to find some mug to take it off their hands so it won't be them that has to pay for it? Or the car's just a complete pile of crap and the owner wants to find some mug to take it off their hands so that they can afford to buy something decent?