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April 26th, 2009, 07:46 AM | #1 |
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Car, Van and Motorcycle Advert Cliches
Just a bit of fun.
Anyone on a limited budget who has been stuck for transport will have been obliged to look in the magazine and newspaper adverts (or these days, on the web sites) to see what their money will buy anywhere within striking distance of home. Exchange & Mart, Autotrader, Biketrader: that sort of thing. What I noticed here is the recurrence of standard phrases until they stop meaning anything. More than once, I have made inconvenient journeys to obscure corners of London and Essex to discover that the ''mint condition'' object of my hopes looks like a piece of deep sea salvage. So I wondered if anyone else has had this wonderful experience of trying to decypher the small ad to get at the truth. Here are a few of the standard phrases and my alternative translations. Rare Classic: No one wanted them when they were new. Never seen rain: Doesn't run in the wet. XYZ ''Streetfighter'': This one is specific to motorbikes and it means ''I had a spectacular crash and trashed all the plastic bits. Now I can't afford to replace them''. Low mileage: It's horrid! I hate driving/riding it! In need of restoration: Please take my worthless scrap away. Cosmetic damage: In worse condition than the Parthanon. Any other suggestions? |
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April 26th, 2009, 08:28 AM | #2 |
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How about...
First to see will buy Will be the first to say 'bye That's all I've got |
April 26th, 2009, 09:12 AM | #3 |
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Good runner - usually refers to what the owner will do as soon as he's got your money
Full service history - my mate Barry also knocks up fake passports Many extras - many non-standard bits bodged on from other bikes/cars Never ridden in the wet - but crashed several times in the dry First to see will buy - I have a gun/it's nicked and I'll let you have it for peanuts No MOT but will easily pass - something major is buggered Offers considered - I'm desperate to get rid of this pile of shite New chain and tyres - I wore the last set out in 1500 miles of wheelies and burnouts |
April 26th, 2009, 11:19 AM | #4 |
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I hate the flash adverts that show a great looking car and in large letters underneath will say something like.
THE ALPHA MEGACAR - FROM ONLY £5995 and a small asterisk* Then by a small asterisk at the bottom of the adverts and in verrrrrrrrry small letters - The model shown is the 1.8 tooflashforyoupeasants £14,995. |
April 26th, 2009, 11:36 AM | #5 |
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One careful owner (and six bloody awful ones)
Lady owner (we all know what women drivers are like ) Mature owner (doddery old fart who will have destroyed the tyres on kerbs and scraped most of the paint off trying to park in tight spaces) Owned by enthusiast (owned by one of the few people stupid enough to buy one of these piles of junk) |
April 26th, 2009, 01:14 PM | #6 |
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April 26th, 2009, 02:58 PM | #7 | |
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Quote:
I pissed myself when I first heard that |
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June 17th, 2010, 06:55 PM | #8 |
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Apologies for not sticking to the spirit of this post, but I cannot stand those Honda adverts on TV where they don't show any cars at all, and come out with rubbish such as "What if".
If they are trying to be artistic or trendy it just doesn't work for me. If you are advertising then show your product. I don't want to buy a "What if" |
June 18th, 2010, 08:51 AM | #9 |
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One that's always amused me is 'Genuine reason for sale'.
Bloody pointless statement but it does give you chance to play 'guess the reason'. How about the car's started to develop a fault that's going to cost a fortune to put right and the owner wants to find some mug to take it off their hands so it won't be them that has to pay for it? Or the car's just a complete pile of crap and the owner wants to find some mug to take it off their hands so that they can afford to buy something decent? |
June 18th, 2010, 08:59 AM | #10 |
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Another one in the same vein as that is "Up for re-sale due to time wasters" what, you mean people are wasting your time for not wanting to buy your shit car?
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