The VEF Members Novel

[Tmee2020]

...meantime some of us regular plebs had got hold of a 44 gal drum of regular jelly, plus "JL", "DE", "LV", "TW", "DA" and a bevy of other starlets and headed to the Tropicana, keeping our heads well and truly down below the parapet.
After 35 minutes we were in. Pretty good effort, seeing the Tropicana is in LA.
NIN came up with the suggestion that watching gorgeous girls grappling beat the hell out of battling zombie shemales. He was marked down by the unwashed for not showing enough irony.
"Hey, I think I've figured out bri-" I started....
"No shit Sherlock!"
"Look, If you insist on using my second name in that context every damned time I'll take out a suppression order."
"Just what VEF needs, more litigation!" Most others thought this was just enough irony.
I had to attend to corner duties during a 1 min break in the action.

Returning to my ringside seat I fessed up.
"This is great, but I'm not sure I should have abandoned Skullster to those zombie hordes when I was supposed to be guarding his green back. I could hear him in the fog as we left...'Hand me my battle axe, T.... T???' I hope The Boss got through it all O.K."

"You lie! Why do you lie all the time? You're not thinking that at all. Anyway GS is hard but fair. He's got to deal with Confederate Zombies as well, a Cavalry Division led by the headless body of JEB Stuart. Don't know what brought that on."

I knew what brought it on.
"Well I know he's unimpressed by RE Lee's grand strategy, that's probably it. They've outflanked Norwich, but it's not destroyed enough for their liking.
Anyway it's not Headless JEB Stuart, it's Hatless JEB Stuart. Jackson courtmarshalled him for losing his hat."

The jelly wrestling was over. It was time to head back and face the music.

"He's just ripping Gaddafi lately too, and Gaddafi's so easygoing. Where did that come from?"

"He dishonoured his sunglasses contract."

[keefriff]

Greenskull, now in Los Angelas, wails in horror with the realization that he is in a worse place than Norwich. "This can't be happening to me." he sighs "I don't deserve this fate. I must change from this garish ninja costume into something more casual to blend in with the masses." Being in LA, Greenskull has very few choices: fake hollywood starlet, homeless crack addict, or Mexican bandido. After putting on the black sombrero Greenskull is ready for action. "I don't need no stinking badges" he sneers as he pushes his way to the front of the line at Chuck E. Cheese and orders a large pizza to go. He tries to blend in and sits down to read his newly purchased comic book. It's one of his favorites; Richie Rich Volume II issue 14, the one where Richie gets caught engineering a Ponzi scheme and gets sentenced to 5-7 in Pelican Bay. Greenskull waits for his pizza and reads the comic book eagerly in anticipation of the much talked about ending whereupon Richie Rich "tosses the salad" of 4 members of the Aryan Nation. Greenskull reads and waits patiently for his pizza to be ready.

Meanwhile on the other side of the pond, I'm not sure which pond, Tabler momentarily dumbstruck by the glistening vodka bottle realizes that he is on his own against these flesh eating zombies. "I must make a plan. Greenskull has left me to my own devices and these zombies are getting close." It's at this point that Tabler spied a horse in the distance. "If I can get to that horse, I can ride that beast out of here and to safety." He crept slowly along the country lane ever vigilant for zombies as well as any stray liquor bottles. He crawled along as the rain continued to beat down on him.

Somehwere in the swamps of Jersey Estreeter and brianw are having an intense arguement. "I don't remember saying anything about a diet and now you bring me this crap!" Estreeter screams while flinging a salad into brian's face. "That is flipping rabbit food!" Brian slunked back towards their car while Estreeter made a phone call. "Paulie, yeah it's me Esteeter. I gotta job for youse and Furio. Get down to the swamps and bring the whole works. Yeah right. And bring me a Big Mac...or five. Gotta go." So they waited, Estreeter with his stomach growling and brianw with blue cheese dressing on his face. They waited...as the The Rising played in the background.

[Estreeter]

End of chapter 1

Confused

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Chapter 2 will start in a few days after I re-arrange my brain cell structure, unless someone else figures out where this story is going before I do

Hint for GS, You're in LA, close too The Maestro

[Estreeter]

GreenSkull, now in LA LA land and trying hard to blend in, knows he's close to his mentor, The Maestro. He starts off on foot hopin' to hitch a ride in a beat up old VW van if he's lucky enough. "Far Out" he says to himself, I look ridiculous in this outfit and puts the Ninja outfit back on as he knows The Maestro will recognize him a lot quicker after not having contact with him in over a year. After a half mile of walking, GreenSkull is now sweatin', but his usual runs of bad luck end there and then. A VW van does stop to pick him up,




He get's in and see's a group of middle aged leftover Hippies. After eyeballing each other the Hippies made up their minds that GreenSkull was weird and he hadn't even spoken a word yet. The oldest Hippie who had a striking resemblence too Charlie Manson asked GS "Where ya goin' man". GS replied "Off to see The Maestro's, Estreeters in trouble with good Ol Brian. The Maestro is the only one who can help, and what's with the beads and flowers ?"
The Hippie replied "Yeah man, we dig" So off they set down the road though nobody knew where they were headed and to kill the time in the back of the van, GS swapped his Ninja swords for some flowers with the cute lookin' quiet girl.

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the pond, Scoundrel somehow bumped into Greenman. Scoundrel gave GM a quick rundown on the past 24 hours events. Greenman being the tea totaller decided that they should go and rescue Tabler from the bottle,

Estreeter and Brian were having a quiet moment when Brian opened his mouth, again. Estreeter simply said "Shut the fuck up, nobody speaks while the Boss is on the radio" When The Rising finished, Estreeter looked at Brian who was angry again at God knows what, don't think even he knew, Estreeter then says "Look, You're out of the banned cell, you're free but too lie low for a while, I gotta get ya too a friend of ours house, Keef, he's one of us, he's a Goodfella"...............

[Greenman]

(I'm just going to sit on the sidelines and see how this pans out-teetotaller? well I like a drop of white wine occasionally)

[blondifan]

... meanwhile; blondifan who has donned scuba diving apparatus, has swum to the bottom of the deceptively deep jelly wrestling pool at the Tropicana and upon discovering a secret hidden chamber discovers many of the missing "Whatever Happened To ...?" thread models. Including the object of his own affections, who has had to assume another identity, because of lunatic obsessives like blondifan! blondifan decides to publish his own related story in an easy to read publication, 'beecuz he haz trubble with wordz' ...



.. and if you think i'd do that for just any girl (which i never did!) you're crazier than whoever thought this up!

However, some of the other models trapped in the hidden dungeon of despair do not fare as well
not only because of their mean mad suspiciously abscent captor, the "Dungeon Maderator" but because of...

[Tmee2020]

... as Fate would have it we encountered GS just after he had crossed Death Valley. The skirmish with the Zombie Hordes (now referred to in the local press as Armageddon) had passed, Skullster was on a disconcertingly direct line between the battlefield and the Tropicana. Death Valley had disappointed, not enough hardship, so he said. It took some time, but we finally got out of him that he was on a crusade. I was more than a little concerned that this might have something to do with me still being alive, but it turned out not to be so. He was after the emerald-encrusted Holy Green Skull of Norwich.
I asked him if he needed any assistance in his quest, after a manic laugh he told me no, he was keeping one green eye on his own back. Skullster left us, still heading west, saying something about

"Sword of Damocles... just when he least expects it... not enough pain in the world any more..."
so clearly there were no hard feelings.



Back in NJ I bumped into bri and ES. They had been in Henry's Bar where they had whacked some mobster.
"Whacked?" I said. "Where?"
"In Henry's Bar."
"No, I mean...where abouts did you whack him? On the arm, body, leg?"
"His head."
"His head? Was he hurt?"
"No, not really, only enough to kill him."
Turns out it had been a fairly ugly night up to that point but bri was the voice of reason and moderation throughout.
I was sure the mobster had learned his lesson, that he wasn't really as tough as he thought he was.

At that moment we had contact from blondi. After the Tropicana he had organised a raid on the mirror site and recruited Pammie, yet another big-boobed blonde, to a special SWOT squad for that purpose.
Blondi noticed before very long that Pammie was becoming more and more agitated.
She finally confessed "I don't like mirrors, they kinda freak me out!"
...

[Estreeter]

...........And back in mother England, Scoundrel and Greenman set off in a desperate search for Tabler and the evil demon alcohol. It wasn't hard for them to locate him, there was a trail of empty bottles by the roadside every mile or so, but they found him without much trouble. Resting up against a tree, almost empty bottle in one hand, shirt hanging out of his pants, tie undone but still semi sober tabler with a smile asked them if they wanted a drink. Only in moderation should the demon drink be consumed they both uttered. Tabler seemed angry when he heard this, so to calm him a bit, Greenman grabbed the Vodka and finished the rest in one mouthful, making him slightly tipsy. Then it happened, Greenman liked the Vodka, Tabler sensed this, and said he had more. Scoundrel at this point knew where this was headed, so he didn't want to interfere with fate he let them go back to the house, bad mistake Scoundrel thought, but it will be funny.

Back in the house, the alcohol cabinet was opened, 3 bottles removed and a few shot glasses. Greenman grabbed the shot glasses from tabler and tossed them onto the floor saying "If we're gonna drink, we'll drink like men, straight from the bottle". Scoundrel was laughing to himself, he saw the transformation of GM coming..........

[sydney1]

I think I can see where this is going:

Back in the house, the alcohol cabinet was opened, 3 bottles removed and a few shot glasses. Greenman grabbed the shot glasses from tabler and tossed them onto the floor saying "If we're gonna drink, we'll drink like men, straight from the bottle". Scoundrel was laughing to himself, he saw the transformation of GM coming..........

And then it's on for cocktails.. then all of a sudden Tabler says: "I've just purchased a blue-ray copy of Sex and the city 2", let's watch it over a Manhattan it'll be a gas!"
Followed up by the witty quip..

By the way Greeny, luuuurve the outfit. Galliano's?

[tabler]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the role of tabler in this gripping yarn is sponsored by..




Thank you for your attention and now back to the story..