What I've Learned From Watching Porn.

daddynick · July 9th, 2009, 02:49 AM

What I've Learned From Watching Porn

Feel free to add your own lessons...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Women wear high heels to bed.

When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

All women are noisy fucks.

People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in
the background.

Those tits are real.

A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't
disgusted!)

Double penetration makes women smile.

Asian men don't exist.

If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by
giving her a brisk slap on the butt.

Nurses always suck patient's penises.

When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll
only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

Women never have headaches... or periods.

When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind
her to "suck it".

A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
parties concerned.

Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers
and find a cock there.

Men don't have to beg.

When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
hip.

**blondifan** · July 9th, 2009, 03:00 AM

.. and don't make stupid faces when you orgasm as it will be caught on film for perpetuity and men everywhere will hate you forever.

However, if you wear a mask you're real life partner will not recognise you.

zarafan · August 4th, 2009, 08:06 PM

However, if you wear a mask you're real life partner will not recognise you.[/QUOTE]

When a mask isn't available, sunglasses will do the trick just fine....

And shoes aren't really comfortable unless the heels are at least 6 inches high.

And it's neither necessary nor pleasurable to undress completely during sex.

And no guy ever feels embarrassed after seeing his pal naked and screwing his wife with him.

And slapping the clit is way more stimulating than stroking it.

And guys' cocks touching in a chick's mouth, pussy, or ass isn't weird, gay, or uncomfortable.

And anything will sound clever, seductive, and sexy when said with a raised eyebrow, in a low voice full of innuendo.

And two people who share no language in common can nonetheless have terrific sex together; when a French guy and a Czech girl fuck, the language of eros is automatically English; the words they share actually need no translation.

And all East European women are 20 years old, 5' 10", 110 lbs, bisexual, and horny.

And dubbed sex scenes don't sound corny at all.

And nothing cures seasickness better than a threesome.

And nothing stimulates sex better than sand on a girl's butt.

And no part of a woman's body commands more intensive grooming than the pubic hair.

And it's not REALLY a blowjob unless the chick gags on it and spits rivulets of slobber on her breasts.

And size actually doesn't matter at all, even though she swears throughout that it does.

And short men can get laid, too!

This is a terrific thread; I'm learning a lot from it!!!

zarafan

**DTravel** · July 9th, 2009, 04:39 AM

Being married will in no way hinder one from sleeping around. In part because your spouse will be too busy sleeping around themselves to notice you doing so.

Estreeter · July 9th, 2009, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daddynick

What I've Learned From Watching Porn

Feel free to add your own lessons...

Absolutely nothing,
It's just porn to me,

Sandy Claws · July 10th, 2009, 05:47 AM

Blake Palmer always has to choke his alarmingly fat but soft johnson to get penetration.

**CRASH** · July 11th, 2009, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gluten

Blake Palmer always has to choke his alarmingly fat but soft johnson to get penetration.

very true...except for the few scenes in the mid 2000s when he tried viagra.

to be honest, the thing was Ginormous once it actually stood up straight...who knew, considering we never saw him with wood!

mschaeffer33 · February 24th, 2010, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gluten

Blake Palmer always has to choke his alarmingly fat but soft johnson to get penetration.

But Blake Palmer delivers the goods.

karlafong · July 11th, 2009, 04:29 AM

All pizza delivery men, meter readers, door-to-door salesmen, etc, get immediate sex from every house where a gorgeous woman lives ... which may explain why it takes so damn long to get my cable fixed.

Bromwich · July 11th, 2009, 08:04 AM

Women enjoy anal intercourse, even though the expression on their face suggests otherwise

July 9th, 2009, 02:49 AM	#1
daddynick Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 63 Thanks: 1 Thanked 1,425 Times in 72 Posts	What I've Learned From Watching Porn. What I've Learned From Watching Porn Feel free to add your own lessons... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Women wear high heels to bed. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. All women are noisy fucks. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. Those tits are real. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!) Double penetration makes women smile. Asian men don't exist. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a brisk slap on the butt. Nurses always suck patient's penises. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you. Women never have headaches... or periods. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it". A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there. Men don't have to beg. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

July 9th, 2009, 03:00 AM	#2
blondifan Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,406 Thanks: 54,999 Thanked 60,209 Times in 4,401 Posts	For Posterity .. and don't make stupid faces when you orgasm as it will be caught on film for perpetuity and men everywhere will hate you forever. However, if you wear a mask you're real life partner will not recognise you.

August 4th, 2009, 08:06 PM	#3
zarafan Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 47 Thanks: 1,070 Thanked 383 Times in 45 Posts	However, if you wear a mask you're real life partner will not recognise you.[/QUOTE] When a mask isn't available, sunglasses will do the trick just fine.... And shoes aren't really comfortable unless the heels are at least 6 inches high. And it's neither necessary nor pleasurable to undress completely during sex. And no guy ever feels embarrassed after seeing his pal naked and screwing his wife with him. And slapping the clit is way more stimulating than stroking it. And guys' cocks touching in a chick's mouth, pussy, or ass isn't weird, gay, or uncomfortable. And anything will sound clever, seductive, and sexy when said with a raised eyebrow, in a low voice full of innuendo. And two people who share no language in common can nonetheless have terrific sex together; when a French guy and a Czech girl fuck, the language of eros is automatically English; the words they share actually need no translation. And all East European women are 20 years old, 5' 10", 110 lbs, bisexual, and horny. And dubbed sex scenes don't sound corny at all. And nothing cures seasickness better than a threesome. And nothing stimulates sex better than sand on a girl's butt. And no part of a woman's body commands more intensive grooming than the pubic hair. And it's not REALLY a blowjob unless the chick gags on it and spits rivulets of slobber on her breasts. And size actually doesn't matter at all, even though she swears throughout that it does. And short men can get laid, too! This is a terrific thread; I'm learning a lot from it!!! zarafan Last edited by zarafan; August 4th, 2009 at 08:19 PM..

July 9th, 2009, 04:39 AM	#4
DTravel Lean Mean Screencap Machine Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Better you don't know. Posts: 23,804 Thanks: 10,480 Thanked 207,285 Times in 23,710 Posts	Being married will in no way hinder one from sleeping around. In part because your spouse will be too busy sleeping around themselves to notice you doing so. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I rage and weep for my country. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I can reup screencaps, other material might have been lost.

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July 10th, 2009, 05:47 AM	#6
Sandy Claws Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 149 Thanks: 1,535 Thanked 2,211 Times in 282 Posts	Blake Palmer always has to choke his alarmingly fat but soft johnson to get penetration.

July 11th, 2009, 04:29 AM	#9
karlafong Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 38 Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 309 Times in 29 Posts	All pizza delivery men, meter readers, door-to-door salesmen, etc, get immediate sex from every house where a gorgeous woman lives ... which may explain why it takes so damn long to get my cable fixed.

July 11th, 2009, 08:04 AM	#10
Bromwich Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 101 Thanks: 993 Thanked 2,463 Times in 105 Posts	Women enjoy anal intercourse, even though the expression on their face suggests otherwise