Post your corny jokes - Page 1385

**ball7** · September 16th, 2018, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

A woman once walked up to me and said, "You know, you look just like my third husband".
"Why? How man husbands have you had?", I reply.
She replies, "Two".

Oh, yeah. That was how you met Angelina Jolie

**ball7** · September 17th, 2018, 02:19 PM

My conspiracy theory is that the government hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landings, but he was such a perfectionist that he demanded they film on location

MaxJoker · September 17th, 2018, 02:27 PM

Never insult an Italian baker ,

He'll beat the Focaccia.

**Greenman** · September 17th, 2018, 05:26 PM

Credit to Ronnie Corbett
"My producer said to me Ronnie luvvy, why don't you tell that joke you told at the BBC Christmas party" so here goes.
A young boy comes into his mother's room and on hearing her approaching decides to hide in the wardrobe nearby. He gets in and sits down waiting for his mother to leave. Eventually she does and he looks around and says "Coo isn;t it dark in here" upon which he is startled to find a man hiding in there not wearing much clothing. The man looks at the kid and gestures for him to be quiet but the kid isn't having any of it and threatens to shout out but the man says okay here if I give you five pounds will you promise not to say anything. The kid nods and accepts the money.

A few days later he and his mother are entering a church and the kid spots the confession box and goes off to investigate. He opens the ornate wooden door on one side and peers in, then goes inside and pulls the curtain across. He sits down but then hears someone else behind a screen entering through the other door. He looks around and exclaims "Coo, isn't it dark in here" and on the other side of the hatch a voice says "Oh no! Not you again" (cue Ronnie leaning forward to applause from audience)

Okay I did this from memory so it might not be word for word but its a funny story/joke.

**ball7** · September 17th, 2018, 08:53 PM

You ever wonder what congressmen do for a living…?
-Unknowncomic

**effCup** · September 17th, 2018, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greenman

Coo

Besides John Inman, only Ronnie Corbett knew how best to say "coo" on tv.

MaxJoker · September 18th, 2018, 03:20 PM

Recently took up meditation ,

Well it`s better than sitting around doing nothing.

**bp666** · September 19th, 2018, 11:49 AM

You'd think it would be easy to find lost luggage at the airport. That's not the case.

**bp666** · September 19th, 2018, 11:52 AM

I finally found my spirit guide today after many years of intense searching.

He's great - his name is Philip and he works at Liquor King. Got me a great deal on a case of vodka. I'll see him again next week.

**bp666** · September 19th, 2018, 11:59 AM

I went into a pet store the other day checking out birdcages. I asked if they had any birdcages made out of nickel. They said no only aluminium. I pointed at one and said so this is a nickeless cage.

I'm not welcome there anymore.

September 17th, 2018, 02:27 PM	#13843
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,902 Times in 69,067 Posts	Never insult an Italian baker , He'll beat the Focaccia. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 17th, 2018, 05:26 PM	#13844
Greenman Live Legend of VEF Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Underground lair somewhere in the world Posts: 20,353 Thanks: 30,936 Thanked 383,589 Times in 19,356 Posts	Credit to Ronnie Corbett "My producer said to me Ronnie luvvy, why don't you tell that joke you told at the BBC Christmas party" so here goes. A young boy comes into his mother's room and on hearing her approaching decides to hide in the wardrobe nearby. He gets in and sits down waiting for his mother to leave. Eventually she does and he looks around and says "Coo isn;t it dark in here" upon which he is startled to find a man hiding in there not wearing much clothing. The man looks at the kid and gestures for him to be quiet but the kid isn't having any of it and threatens to shout out but the man says okay here if I give you five pounds will you promise not to say anything. The kid nods and accepts the money. A few days later he and his mother are entering a church and the kid spots the confession box and goes off to investigate. He opens the ornate wooden door on one side and peers in, then goes inside and pulls the curtain across. He sits down but then hears someone else behind a screen entering through the other door. He looks around and exclaims "Coo, isn't it dark in here" and on the other side of the hatch a voice says "Oh no! Not you again" (cue Ronnie leaning forward to applause from audience) Okay I did this from memory so it might not be word for word but its a funny story/joke. __________________ There was only ONE Greenman, and you accepted no substitutes! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Rest in peace MaxJoker-you will be sorely missed. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 20,000: Milestone reached!

September 18th, 2018, 03:20 PM	#13847
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,902 Times in 69,067 Posts	Recently took up meditation , Well it`s better than sitting around doing nothing. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 17th, 2018, 02:19 PM	#13842
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,713 Thanks: 66,359 Thanked 210,209 Times in 15,753 Posts	My conspiracy theory is that the government hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landings, but he was such a perfectionist that he demanded they film on location

September 17th, 2018, 08:53 PM	#13845
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,713 Thanks: 66,359 Thanked 210,209 Times in 15,753 Posts	You ever wonder what congressmen do for a living…? -Unknowncomic

September 19th, 2018, 11:49 AM	#13848
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,077 Thanks: 77,658 Thanked 14,213 Times in 1,078 Posts	You'd think it would be easy to find lost luggage at the airport. That's not the case.

September 19th, 2018, 11:52 AM	#13849
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,077 Thanks: 77,658 Thanked 14,213 Times in 1,078 Posts	I finally found my spirit guide today after many years of intense searching. He's great - his name is Philip and he works at Liquor King. Got me a great deal on a case of vodka. I'll see him again next week.

September 19th, 2018, 11:59 AM	#13850
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,077 Thanks: 77,658 Thanked 14,213 Times in 1,078 Posts	I went into a pet store the other day checking out birdcages. I asked if they had any birdcages made out of nickel. They said no only aluminium. I pointed at one and said so this is a nickeless cage. I'm not welcome there anymore.