Lewd Limericks - Page 4

**Mal Hombre** · December 2nd, 2009, 07:40 PM

A policeman from Clapham junction
Whose tool would no longer function
Was a cause of great strife
To his lady wife
who had to make do with his truncheon

Estreeter · December 3rd, 2009, 03:36 PM

This one is not really funny, but there is a story behind it, we were saying it at school when i was about 10 years old

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Tables and chairs
Lift up your undies and
show us your hairs

I said it in class one day, got a belting from the teacher

Then got a belting from my dad at home when I gave him the note from the teacher

**nopar king** · December 4th, 2009, 10:16 AM

It took a while for the cog wheels in my head to get going but here are 2 attempts from me. I'll post them separately to see which is more popular (if any).

There was a girl from Iraq,
whos hair was long straight & black,
except down below,
where no hair would grow,
it was bald as TVs Kojak.

**nopar king** · December 4th, 2009, 10:17 AM

There was a girl from Halesowen,
whos hair was long blonde & flowing,
especially down below,
where it would grow grow & grow,
and needed quite regular mowing.

If you think either is any good just thank the best one.

**nopar king** · December 4th, 2009, 01:55 PM

More DIY in an attempt to keep things going.

There was a girl called Shirley,
whos man would cum just a bit too early,
having got her this far,
she'd finish using a Mars bar,
or the end of a half eaten Curly Wurly.

**knobby109** · December 4th, 2009, 05:20 PM

I sat with the Duchess for tea
She said "Do you fart when you wee"?
I said "No,not a bit. Do you belch when you shit"?
And felt that was one up for me.

Mary had a little lamb.
She kept it in a bucket
Every time that it got out
The bulldog tried to put it back in again.

Mary had a little bear
To which she was so knd
And everywhere that Mary went
You could see her bear behind.

There once was a monk from Madras
Who sat with a girl on the grass
She lifted his frock
And tickled his cock
Till it foamed like a bottle of Bass.

iufrenchman · December 7th, 2009, 08:24 PM

There once was a man named Adair
Who was fucking his girl on the stair
When the bannister broke
He quickened his stroke
And finished her off in midair

iufrenchman · December 15th, 2009, 05:43 PM

There once was a farmer named Puckett, had a pig and tried to fuck it,
The pig said with a grunt, my ass ain't no cunt,
but come around front and I'll suck it.

iufrenchman · December 15th, 2009, 05:47 PM

There was a young lassie from Tarse,
whose virginal claim was a farce.
Tho' her cherry intact,
She loved the sex act...
You could drive a damned truck up her arse.

**Viklas** · December 15th, 2009, 06:24 PM

There once was a hooker named Sue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin,
As he paid to get in,
"You'll pay to get out of it, too!"

There are female police in our nation
Who get off with the boys at the station
Which is saying, of course,
That they screw with the force--
After all, folks, the term's "cop-ulation!"

December 2nd, 2009, 07:40 PM	#31
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,771 Thanked 855,844 Times in 57,575 Posts	A policeman from Clapham junction Whose tool would no longer function Was a cause of great strife To his lady wife who had to make do with his truncheon __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 3rd, 2009, 03:36 PM	#32
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,145 Thanks: 449,888 Thanked 896,982 Times in 60,347 Posts	This one is not really funny, but there is a story behind it, we were saying it at school when i was about 10 years old Ladies and Gentlemen, Tables and chairs Lift up your undies and show us your hairs I said it in class one day, got a belting from the teacher Then got a belting from my dad at home when I gave him the note from the teacher __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 4th, 2009, 10:16 AM	#33
nopar king Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: in front of my computer Posts: 686 Thanks: 572 Thanked 16,240 Times in 675 Posts	It took a while for the cog wheels in my head to get going but here are 2 attempts from me. I'll post them separately to see which is more popular (if any). There was a girl from Iraq, whos hair was long straight & black, except down below, where no hair would grow, it was bald as TVs Kojak. Last edited by nopar king; December 4th, 2009 at 10:18 AM.. Reason: spelling

December 7th, 2009, 08:24 PM	#37
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	Adair There once was a man named Adair Who was fucking his girl on the stair When the bannister broke He quickened his stroke And finished her off in midair

December 15th, 2009, 05:43 PM	#38
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	Farmer named Puckett There once was a farmer named Puckett, had a pig and tried to fuck it, The pig said with a grunt, my ass ain't no cunt, but come around front and I'll suck it.

December 4th, 2009, 10:17 AM	#34
nopar king Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: in front of my computer Posts: 686 Thanks: 572 Thanked 16,240 Times in 675 Posts	There was a girl from Halesowen, whos hair was long blonde & flowing, especially down below, where it would grow grow & grow, and needed quite regular mowing. If you think either is any good just thank the best one.

December 4th, 2009, 01:55 PM	#35
nopar king Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: in front of my computer Posts: 686 Thanks: 572 Thanked 16,240 Times in 675 Posts	More DIY in an attempt to keep things going. There was a girl called Shirley, whos man would cum just a bit too early, having got her this far, she'd finish using a Mars bar, or the end of a half eaten Curly Wurly.

December 4th, 2009, 05:20 PM	#36
knobby109 Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,736 Thanks: 144 Thanked 14,338 Times in 1,702 Posts	I sat with the Duchess for tea She said "Do you fart when you wee"? I said "No,not a bit. Do you belch when you shit"? And felt that was one up for me. Mary had a little lamb. She kept it in a bucket Every time that it got out The bulldog tried to put it back in again. Mary had a little bear To which she was so knd And everywhere that Mary went You could see her bear behind. There once was a monk from Madras Who sat with a girl on the grass She lifted his frock And tickled his cock Till it foamed like a bottle of Bass.

December 15th, 2009, 05:47 PM	#39
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	Lassie from Tarse There was a young lassie from Tarse, whose virginal claim was a farce. Tho' her cherry intact, She loved the sex act... You could drive a damned truck up her arse.

December 15th, 2009, 06:24 PM	#40
Viklas Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 554 Thanks: 3,228 Thanked 9,546 Times in 533 Posts	There once was a hooker named Sue Who filled her vagina with glue She said with a grin, As he paid to get in, "You'll pay to get out of it, too!" There are female police in our nation Who get off with the boys at the station Which is saying, of course, That they screw with the force-- After all, folks, the term's "cop-ulation!"