Lewd Limericks

[Mantissa]

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

There was a young girl from Caldenie
Who`d swallow a man`s full load for a penny
When asked how she was able
To prevent splodges dropping from her mouth to her navel
She said "Hummuamvameny" .

A woman from Henley-in-Arden,
Once sucked off her man in the garden.
He asked, “My dear Flo,
Where does that stuff go?”
And she said, (quick gulp) “Beg your pardon?”
- Anon

[Mantissa]

Annabelle Battistella gave chills
To old Arkansas Dem Wilbur Mills.
Once this Argentine stripper
Got a grip on his zipper,
He no longer could pass any bills.
- Len Farano



Fanne Fox, born Annabelle Battistella in 1936, was a stripper best known for being involved in a 1974 sex scandal surrounding Arkansas Congressman Wilbur Mills, in what is reputed to be one of the most reported political sex scandals of the 1970s. She is in the Time Magazine list of Top 10 Mistresses, and on the Bloomberg list of top 10 U.S sex scandals.

[quisestu]

Along Holkham beach I was jogging.
I spied a couple who were snogging.
On getting quite near,
it was plainly clear.
I'd been accidently dogging.

[Mantissa]

Bollocks is slang for the testicles.
As a curse word it's one of the besticles.
No ifs and no buts,
It is the mutt's nuts.
An expletive that beats all the resticles.
- Paperdragon

[Mantissa]

The classic...

There was a young fellow from Ghent
Whose cock was all twisted and bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.
- Anon

...inspired these:

Said an eager young man of Ostend,
"How neat! I am trying to bend
My organ in two
And to come, just like you.
You could just be starting a trend!"

"That's right," said a man from Liege,
"This method is now all the rage.
You can find a neat pic
Of a doubled-up prick
On Facebook, on everyone's page!"

"My girl," said a young man from Brussels,
"In the course of our amorous tussles,
Can redirect me
To 'most any degree,
By the force of her strong pubic muscles."

Said a gloomy young man from Dunkirk,
"Don't try it; it just doesn't work.
Mine was coiled up to enter
My wife's pleasure centre,
When, 'Ow!' it sprang back with a jerk."
- Timon

[Mantissa]

The classic...

There was a young fellow from Ghent
Whose cock was all twisted and bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.
- Anon

...inspired one more:

You stupid young fellow from Ghent,
No wonder you can't come but went.
The orgasmic trick
Is a proper pierced prick,
So there's room for the pressure to vent.
- Proof

[Mantissa]

The Summer of a Dormouse

Britain has now had almost a WEEK of hot dry weather!

The UK's now feeling some heat:
For girl-watchers life's at last sweet.
Bikini-clad lasses
Are wiggling their asses
And giving men's eyeballs a treat.
- Tiddy Ogg

*Subject line is an obscure quote from Byron.

[Mantissa]

That blue pill grants the strength of ten men.
Though we've done it four times, I've a yen
Just to do it again
And again and again
And again and again and again.

[savage560]

There once was a man from Nantucket
His dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,with come on his chin,
If may ear was a cunt I would fuck it!

OHHHHH!

[Mantissa]

There once was a prude who'd deplore
My lewd limericks, but that was before
We hooked up. Now she's keen
On the downright obscene.
"They're so dirty," she says. "Tell me more."
- Kevin Lucas