The corrupt a wish game

[old alal]

Wish granted, but as Modern Slavery is really frowned upon these days the authorities are on to you and whilst the girls look old enough, they cannot confirm their age and you are hit with stat rape as well. You're the last prisoner to be sent to Rikers Island before they demolish it. What is worse though is they loose all the paperwork and do not know you are there and it is demolished around your ears.

I wish that all Chinese counterfeiters were taken ill with the same condition that can only be treated by an anti biotic that is only available in counterfeit form.

[ruffroundedges]

Granted: Every counterfeit operation in China is stuck down with a listeria infection spread by the TONG leaders weekly poker games along with their "cavorting" with the female workers. Unfortunately for you Martha Stewart hears of your involvement and sends in the Marthafia to deal with you. She having invested heavily in the knock-off market on The Donald's advice. You are subsequently doused with chicken soup and pumpkin pie until you burst in the middle.
We mourn.

I wish Yoko hadn't broke up the band.

[bowlinggreen]

Wish granted. Yoko left John in a snit and the Beatles stuck together.

But their music steadily declined throughout the 70's, and in 1981, inspired by Vangelis, they decided to go synthesizer pop.

Throughout the decade they produced a series of really horrible albums, sounding sort of like a retarded cross between Soft Cell and the Eurythmics. Their albums still sold - sort of - to fans who had futile hope that things would one day improve.

John became a heroin addict, and Paul spent six months in jail for beating up an Entertainment Weekly reporter who openly mocked him. He was never knighted.

The climax of this parody occurred in 1993, when the Beatles went on tour with Michael Bolton, and let him front on "A Hard Day's Night". The music world finally dissolved in laughter and tears, and it was over.

The next year they were all killed in a plane crash. No one cared.

I wish to own my own single malt distillery on the Scottish Highlands.

[ruffroundedges]

Granted.
Your distillery is situated in a picturesque glen far into the Highlands. You sit at the front of your adjacent cottage one evening sipping the best single malt you have ever tasted.
Suddenly out of nowhere a Scott drassed as a Spaniard and a Mick dressed as a Scott come charging up wildly waving their half bastard swords and screaming something about "There can only be one!!!"
Gobsmacked you just sit there as they both run you through and procede to decapitate you.

We mourn.

I wish I had more powerful computer.

[Sir Honkers]

Originally Posted by ruffroundedges

I wish I had more powerful computer.

Granted. It costs you so much money you have nothing left over to pay your power bills or for an internet connection
I wish that I had a sweet little dollhouse that I could rent out to pixies who would pay me in good luck.

[bowlinggreen]

Wish granted but without your knowledge, they sublet the top shelf of your closet to Chucky from Child's Play.

One day you step into the closet and scream in agony as your foot comes down on a piece of foam insulation board studded with Exacto knife blades. Howling and squirting blood from your foot, you wrap it in a towel and hop towards the stairs hoping to be able to drive your car to the ER before you become too faint from blood loss.

In pain, you fail to notice that Chucky has artfully woven piano wire back and forth across the stairs at ankle level looped to nails. The first loop cuts your ankle to the bone, and you trip. Further down, the damage is much worse. You lose 4 fingers and most of your face when you hit piano wire with your chin at just the right angle.

At least you bleed out quick, and never notice Chucky eating your nose.

Chucky gets the credit cards out of your wallet and he and the pixies go on a huge spree at all of the poshest clubs.

I wish the damn April showers would hurry up with the May flowers.

[trailmaster]

Wish granted. You're living in a great house with your own vegetable and flower garden. There has not been much rain lately, but one day it starts to rain. Each day for a week there are thunderstorms and things in your garden start to bloom like crazy. And everywhere else. But then the weather goes awry. It's raining, but not stopping. It rains all day, and all night every day. Soon after just a few weeks three feet of rain has fallen and it is not stopping. All your vegetables die and rot and so do your flowers. Trees start to die because their roots can't breathe. You then try to barricade your house with sand bags to keep out the water. Trees are crashing all over the place and some sail right up to your front door and crash through your front door. Then the water flows in and your house quickly fills with water almost to your second floor. You jump from your staircase into the water and swim to the garage where you have a motorboat stashed. You start it up and escape from your house just before it collapses inward from all the water that can't escape from the roof. Now you watch as your and other houses float away. Your whole town is flooded and it is still raining. You don't know what to do or where to go. With the town flooded nothing looks familiar. You just move in one direction and it seems your boat is being pulled somewhere. Then it hits you too late. At one end of town is a giant sinkhole that was created by a great fault in the earth below. Your boat does not have a life preserver, but it does not matter. You see the hole ahead of you. It is enormous. Almost a mile in diameter and more than half a mile deep. All the houses, trees, people in other boats and all other flotsam are heading toward the hole. Just as your boat goes over the edge there is this bright light and all of a sudden you wake up. "Oh my god, what an awful dream". You get out of bed get dressed and have your breakfast and get ready to go to work. You open your front door and "Oh Nooooooooooooooooo". your house falls into the sinkhole followed by every other house and a million tons of water!!

I wish that the next time I go to the supermarket I find lying on the ground what looks like a spent scratch-off lottery game card. I pick it up and notice that it is two cards stuck together. One is used, but the other one is new. I use a dime to scratch off the silver circles and see that I am a winner. I just won $1 million dollars! Hooooooooray!

[Sir Honkers]

Originally Posted by trailmaster

I wish that the next time I go to the supermarket I find lying on the ground what looks like a spent scratch-off lottery game card. I pick it up and notice that it is two cards stuck together. One is used, but the other one is new. I use a dime to scratch off the silver circles and see that I am a winner. I just won $1 million dollars! Hooooooooray!

Granted. To celebrate your good fortune, you decide to fulfil a life long dream and buy a ticket to fly to Rottnest Island to have your photo taken with a Quokka.
However while waiting for your connecting United Airlines flight to leave an official comes aboard and announces that the flight has been overbooked and one passenger will have to disembark. When no one volunteers to give up their seat, he volunteers you. You are dragged kicking and screaming from the flight by six burly cops and the ensuing fracas leaves you bloodied and bruised.
You see the chance to grow your million dollars by suing United, the Airport Authorities and The Chicago PD, but at your court hearing questions are asked as to how a retired Chicagoan on welfare can afford an international flight in the first place. It emerges that you saw a kindly old lady drop her lottery card and once you realised it was a winning one you decided not to return it to her but to keep it yourself.
Public sympathy for you evaporates and United Airlines, keen for any good publicity advertises that they are giving the sweet little old lady a free around the world flight. Their good name and good fortune are restored and the court orders you to give what is left of the million dollars back to the little old lady.
In addition to compensate her for the ten thousand dollars that you have already spent the court sentences you to be her younger gigolo for a period of no less than five years.

I wish to know why they keep making The Big Bang Theory when it ceased being funny three seasons ago.

[ruffroundedges]

Originally Posted by loosegoose

I wish to know why they keep making The Big Bang Theory when it ceased being funny three seasons ago.

Your wish is granted.


Kaley Cuoco herself shows up at your door to explain that it's because Simon Helberg (Howard) still has the odd funny moment. Also we all want to see Melissa Rauch's (Bernadette) norks.
Suddenly Jim Parsons (Sheldon)shows up at the door and proceeds to hit on you. Jimmy Galecki distracts him as run to your car. You approach the car and find Sir Elton John waiting there with the gay mafia.
The only lube available is hand sanitiser.

We mourn.

I wish Melissa Rauch would show her norks.

[Sir Honkers]

Originally Posted by ruffroundedges

I wish Melissa Rauch would show her norks.

Granted. And to add to the occasion, she asks you if you'd like to, first oil them up and them suck on them. Unfortunately she uses Bernadette's voice which causes you to suffer erectile dysfunction.
I wish when she showed up at my house, Kaley Cuoco would offer me a blowjob to compensate for the last three seasons of The Big Bang Theory.