Post your corny jokes - Page 754

**Jeff Vader** · March 9th, 2014, 10:13 AM

The Sun has moved to deny rumours it is about to reveal the first English international gay footballer.

I think it's disgusting in the 21st century that homosexuals still don't feel comfortable enough to come out and admit that they play for England.

**photoflex** · March 10th, 2014, 07:26 AM

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day.
"In English," he said " a double negative forms a positve. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

Then a voice from the back piped up;

"Yeah, right."

howieg43 · March 10th, 2014, 11:12 PM

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals.
As they are awaiting their fate they are approached by the cannibal chief.

"First we are going to kill you," the chief explained. "Then we will eat you. Then we will use your skin to make a canoe. But we are kind, so we will let you choose how you will die."

The Englishman said "I will die by the sword!" They gave him a sword and he screams "God save the Queen!" then he stabs himself in the gut.

The Frenchman says "I will die by the gun!" They give him a gun and he shouts "Vive la France!" And then shoots himself.

The American asked for a fork. The cannibals all start laughing, but figure this will be a good show so they give the American the fork.

As soon as he gets the fork in his hands the American starts stabbing himself all over, and screams: "Make a canoe out of this, you sons of bitches!"

howieg43 · March 10th, 2014, 11:18 PM

The Past, Present and the Future all walked into a bar. It was tense!

**effCup** · March 11th, 2014, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by howieg43

The Frenchman says "I will die by the gun!" They give him a gun and he[...] then shoots himself.

Clearly not the most intelligent of Gauls... but then, shooting the cannibals would presumably ruin the joke.

**rondori** · March 11th, 2014, 03:40 AM

Three recent Texas college graduates decide to make a road-trip to Mexico. Unfortunately, three guys try to assassinate the Presidente and they're driving the same kind of car. The College Grads get caught and convicted and are brought before the electric chair. The Temple grad has a degree in in international Relations and begins spouting Treaties and human rights. The guards strap him in and hit the switch. Nothing happens.
They release him saying "Under Mexican law we can only try and kill you once, You are free to go."
Next, they strap in the Sam Huston Law grad while he spouts writs of habius corpus, etc. They hit the switch, again nothing happens.
They release him saying "Under Mexican law we can only try and kill you once, You are free to go."
They strap in the Texas A&M EE grad and he says "Hold on, If you re-connect that wire over there, this thing will work!"

**BondJmsBond** · March 11th, 2014, 04:01 AM

^ Aggie jokes eh? I'm game.

A car full of Aggies were driving to Houston for vacation, when they got close they saw a sign:

Houston - Left

So they turned around and went home.

howieg43 · March 11th, 2014, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by effCup

Clearly not the most intelligent of Gauls... but then, shooting the cannibals would presumably ruin the joke.

No Problem, I ruined the joke myself by giving cannibals access to guns!

**tygrkhat40** · March 11th, 2014, 01:45 PM

Then let's go a step further, the cannibals gave Frenchy a gun with only one bullet in it.

A Frenchman, an Italian and a New Yorker are convicted of rape in a small village. The penalty is to have their member cut off, but each man gets to choose how it's done. The Frenchman, from the land of the gulliotine, says, "Chop it off." The Italian thinks of his beloved salami and says, "Slice it off." The New Yorker says, "OK, I'm ready. Jerk it off."

**effCup** · March 11th, 2014, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tygrkhat40

let's go a step further, the cannibals

But are they Summer Cannibals?

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomesing

Patti Smith - Summer Cannibals

[snip yt link]

Sorry, was that a step too far?

Not corny enough?

A-maize-'n the yield from idleness.

... or Fine Young Cannibals?

March 9th, 2014, 10:13 AM	#7531
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	The Sun has moved to deny rumours it is about to reveal the first English international gay footballer. I think it's disgusting in the 21st century that homosexuals still don't feel comfortable enough to come out and admit that they play for England. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

March 10th, 2014, 07:26 AM	#7532
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,927 Thanked 127,800 Times in 3,570 Posts	Double Positive An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said " a double negative forms a positve. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative." Then a voice from the back piped up; "Yeah, right." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

March 11th, 2014, 03:40 AM	#7536
rondori Vintage Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: New Mexico Posts: 561 Thanks: 36,148 Thanked 14,025 Times in 536 Posts	Three recent Texas college graduates decide to make a road-trip to Mexico. Unfortunately, three guys try to assassinate the Presidente and they're driving the same kind of car. The College Grads get caught and convicted and are brought before the electric chair. The Temple grad has a degree in in international Relations and begins spouting Treaties and human rights. The guards strap him in and hit the switch. Nothing happens. They release him saying "Under Mexican law we can only try and kill you once, You are free to go." Next, they strap in the Sam Huston Law grad while he spouts writs of habius corpus, etc. They hit the switch, again nothing happens. They release him saying "Under Mexican law we can only try and kill you once, You are free to go." They strap in the Texas A&M EE grad and he says "Hold on, If you re-connect that wire over there, this thing will work!" __________________ I'm OK, you're UKE: all cultures are multicultural, all races are multiracial. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 11th, 2014, 01:45 PM	#7539
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 152,866 Times in 9,629 Posts	Then let's go a step further, the cannibals gave Frenchy a gun with only one bullet in it. A Frenchman, an Italian and a New Yorker are convicted of rape in a small village. The penalty is to have their member cut off, but each man gets to choose how it's done. The Frenchman, from the land of the gulliotine, says, "Chop it off." The Italian thinks of his beloved salami and says, "Slice it off." The New Yorker says, "OK, I'm ready. Jerk it off." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 10th, 2014, 11:12 PM	#7533
howieg43 Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Northland Posts: 16 Thanks: 180 Thanked 137 Times in 13 Posts	A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals. As they are awaiting their fate they are approached by the cannibal chief. "First we are going to kill you," the chief explained. "Then we will eat you. Then we will use your skin to make a canoe. But we are kind, so we will let you choose how you will die." The Englishman said "I will die by the sword!" They gave him a sword and he screams "God save the Queen!" then he stabs himself in the gut. The Frenchman says "I will die by the gun!" They give him a gun and he shouts "Vive la France!" And then shoots himself. The American asked for a fork. The cannibals all start laughing, but figure this will be a good show so they give the American the fork. As soon as he gets the fork in his hands the American starts stabbing himself all over, and screams: "Make a canoe out of this, you sons of bitches!"

March 10th, 2014, 11:18 PM	#7534
howieg43 Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Northland Posts: 16 Thanks: 180 Thanked 137 Times in 13 Posts	The Past, Present and the Future all walked into a bar. It was tense!

March 11th, 2014, 04:01 AM	#7537
BondJmsBond Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,062 Thanks: 28,094 Thanked 27,287 Times in 3,007 Posts	^ Aggie jokes eh? I'm game. A car full of Aggies were driving to Houston for vacation, when they got close they saw a sign: Houston - Left So they turned around and went home.