Post your corny jokes - Page 1150

**trailmaster** · September 8th, 2016, 11:47 AM

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod.

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big"?
She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach"? She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"

**gedly** · September 8th, 2016, 04:51 PM

I was once stopped from entering a conference on counterfeiting. My pass was a forgery.

**effCup** · September 8th, 2016, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

My pass was a forgery.

Your pass was a poor forgery.

**trailmaster** · September 9th, 2016, 12:42 PM

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kesses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." "If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds. "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

**SanteeFats** · September 9th, 2016, 02:57 PM

Anybody who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

**effCup** · September 9th, 2016, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

Anybody

The wisdom of experience is it, SF?

Estreeter · September 9th, 2016, 03:33 PM

2 corns walk into a bar

fuck my feet are sore

I'll get my coat

Well it is a thread about corny jokes

~~}[eywood~~ · September 10th, 2016, 12:29 PM

Oh it's like that, eh?

Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

If corn oil comes from corn, Peanut oil comes from peanuts and olive oil comes from olives, what does baby oil come from?

**SanteeFats** · September 10th, 2016, 02:31 PM

A student asked his teacher how old she was. She promptly said, "39 and holding." Then the student asked, "Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"

**effCup** · September 10th, 2016, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by }[eywood

what does baby oil come from?

It may have the consistency of oil...
but is the product of human inconsistency.

September 9th, 2016, 03:33 PM	#11497
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,117 Thanks: 449,716 Thanked 896,775 Times in 60,317 Posts	Just made this one up 2 corns walk into a bar fuck my feet are sore I'll get my coat Well it is a thread about corny jokes __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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September 8th, 2016, 11:47 AM	#11491
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,890 Thanks: 1,328,979 Thanked 707,170 Times in 60,063 Posts	I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod. A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big"? She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach"? She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"

September 8th, 2016, 04:51 PM	#11492
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,307 Times in 3,171 Posts	I was once stopped from entering a conference on counterfeiting. My pass was a forgery.

September 9th, 2016, 12:42 PM	#11494
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,890 Thanks: 1,328,979 Thanked 707,170 Times in 60,063 Posts	A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kesses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." "If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds. "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

September 9th, 2016, 02:57 PM	#11495
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,782 Times in 60,861 Posts	Anybody who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents! Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

September 10th, 2016, 12:29 PM	#11498
~~}[eywood~~ Banned! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: NY Posts: 548 Thanks: 123 Thanked 3,505 Times in 511 Posts	Oh it's like that, eh? Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk. If corn oil comes from corn, Peanut oil comes from peanuts and olive oil comes from olives, what does baby oil come from?

September 10th, 2016, 02:31 PM	#11499
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,782 Times in 60,861 Posts	A student asked his teacher how old she was. She promptly said, "39 and holding." Then the student asked, "Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"