Post your corny jokes - Page 1340

**Nobody1** · May 28th, 2018, 09:14 PM

A hunchback goes to a bakery. The saleslady asks him what he wants. I would like to have a bread, answers the hunchback. At which the saleswoman says, first swallow the other one.

**mrfixit** · May 31st, 2018, 04:42 AM

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!”
“Oh, please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
“Really, I can’t” he replied, “My wife loves this beard!”
The girlfriend asked once more and he sighed and finally gave in. That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. Wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”

**mrfixit** · May 31st, 2018, 05:05 PM

The bartender asked a guy sitting at the bar: “What’ll you have?”
The guy answered: “A scotch, please.”
The bartender handed him the drink and said: “That’ll be $5.”
The guy said: “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender: “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was understandably unhappy, but said to the guy: “Okay, I’ll let you off this time, but don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, the same guy walked into the bar. The bartender said: “What the hell are you doing in here? I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint. I can’t believe you’ve got the never to come back.”
The guy said innocently: “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life.”
Fearing that he had made a mistake, the bartender backed down. “I’m very sorry,” he said, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”
The guy replied: “Thanks. Make it a scotch.”

Aaron · June 2nd, 2018, 10:08 AM

In his battle with David, Goliath telegraphed his final move:

... --- ...

Estreeter · June 2nd, 2018, 10:11 AM

Have you ever heard jokes about German Sausage

They're the Wurst

**Mal Hombre** · June 2nd, 2018, 10:19 AM

Can You provide Links ?

Estreeter · June 2nd, 2018, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Can You provide Links ?

I can provide less

This German bloke, Klaus

hates mobile phones in cars and wanted as little info in it as possible so he would use it less in his car , so, he deleted his entire contacts list .... wanted it to be Hans free

**seany65** · June 2nd, 2018, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaron

In his battle with David, Goliath telegraphed his final move:

... --- ...

"S O S"?

No wonder he lost, that's not a good fight move.

**Mal Hombre** · June 2nd, 2018, 05:37 PM

Leastways He was local,He only lived a stones throw away..

**Mister Fide** · June 3rd, 2018, 04:06 AM

Got a new girlfriend last week but she has not spoken a word to me yet & it's annoying to have to pump her up each time I take her out of the box.

May 31st, 2018, 04:42 AM	#13392
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,831 Times in 9,416 Posts	A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.” James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!” “Oh, please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice. “Really, I can’t” he replied, “My wife loves this beard!” The girlfriend asked once more and he sighed and finally gave in. That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. Wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

May 31st, 2018, 05:05 PM	#13393
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,831 Times in 9,416 Posts	The bartender asked a guy sitting at the bar: “What’ll you have?” The guy answered: “A scotch, please.” The bartender handed him the drink and said: “That’ll be $5.” The guy said: “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender: “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.” The bartender was understandably unhappy, but said to the guy: “Okay, I’ll let you off this time, but don’t ever let me catch you in here again.” The next day, the same guy walked into the bar. The bartender said: “What the hell are you doing in here? I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint. I can’t believe you’ve got the never to come back.” The guy said innocently: “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life.” Fearing that he had made a mistake, the bartender backed down. “I’m very sorry,” he said, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.” The guy replied: “Thanks. Make it a scotch.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

June 2nd, 2018, 10:11 AM	#13395
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,145 Thanks: 449,888 Thanked 896,971 Times in 60,346 Posts	Have you ever heard jokes about German Sausage They're the Wurst __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

June 2nd, 2018, 10:19 AM	#13396
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,750 Thanked 855,839 Times in 57,575 Posts	Can You provide Links ? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

June 2nd, 2018, 05:37 PM	#13399
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,750 Thanked 855,839 Times in 57,575 Posts	Leastways He was local,He only lived a stones throw away.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 28th, 2018, 09:14 PM	#13391
Nobody1 Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 2,119 Thanks: 16,786 Thanked 22,140 Times in 2,127 Posts	A hunchback goes to a bakery. The saleslady asks him what he wants. I would like to have a bread, answers the hunchback. At which the saleswoman says, first swallow the other one.

June 2nd, 2018, 10:08 AM	#13394
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	In his battle with David, Goliath telegraphed his final move: ... --- ...

June 3rd, 2018, 04:06 AM	#13400
Mister Fide Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Nearly there Posts: 892 Thanks: 23,075 Thanked 17,987 Times in 890 Posts	Are all girls like this? Got a new girlfriend last week but she has not spoken a word to me yet & it's annoying to have to pump her up each time I take her out of the box.