What annoys you the most ?

[rosestone]

As I now seem to be using this forum as the sounding board for my relationship problems, I have a pickle that I'd like to kindly ask if any of my forum brothers has any thoughts or advice.

An old friend of mine has put me in a slightly invidious position. He's already on his second marriage (we're not very old), and has 2 kids with 2 different women, one of whom is a baby by his current wife. Here's the problem: he has started an affair with another woman, and has already roped me and a couple of other friends in to provide alibis for him.

I told my wife about this, because I'm not interested in keeping secrets from her, and she reacted in the manner you'd expect (worryingly calm disapproval).

So anyway, my wife and I live not far from a major city that is a popular destination for tourists, and my friend has contacted me to arrange to come visit, but.............with his girlfriend, not his wife and family, and strongly hinting that he expects me to lie about it being a 'lads' holiday' or something if anybody asks.

My wife is pissed off with him already (understandably), and ya know, it's one thing for me to tell her, it's another to expect her to be complicit in my friend's philandering, because female solidarity and all that, and she doesn't approve. But what am I gonna do, tell her she has to stay home?

On the other hand, my friend seems happy for the first time since forever, and I get the impression that he and his current wife are not getting along at all. And if he does visit with his clandestine gf, what am I gonna say "Sorry dude, can't meet up with you or show you around, because I disagree with your moral choice?". It's not my place to meddle in other people's lives.

Any thoughts? I can't think of a way of escaping the situation without someone getting upset at me, even though I didn't do anything

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by rosestone

Here's the problem: he has started an affair with another woman, and has already roped me and a couple of other friends in to provide alibis for him.

Mate
I've covered for Mates stupidity before as have they mine, but only minor things Drinking, gambling, blah blah blah.

That said, when it's about something like that, ask your Mate back if it's right he's asking ya to do that, don't let him make you feel bad, it's his problem and not yours. He shouldn't be putting you in that kind of position, Mates don't do that to each other when it's something of that magnitude. At the end of the day, you're gonna cop it also. If he cannot understand that and put you in the firing line also, he ain't a Mate.

[Arturo2nd]

Originally Posted by rosestone

Any thoughts? I can't think of a way of escaping the situation without someone getting upset at me, even though I didn't do anything

Thoughts:

1)I am not so sure female solidarity is a real thing as they seem to fall all over each other in backstabbing and gossip.

2) Wasn't your friend happy when he was dating his current wife? The odds are very low on any relationships working once the second marriage fails. Your friend is a philandering dog and always will be. (I've had friends like this.)

3) Is is it worth screwing up your marriage to enable this fellow? Do you really need all this drama and chaos in your life?

[bloke57]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

That said, when it's about something like that, ask your Mate back if it's right he's asking ya to do that, don't let him make you feel bad, it's his problem and not yours. He shouldn't be putting you in that kind of position, Mates don't do that to each other when it's something of that magnitude.

I agree 100%. No so-called friend should be putting you in this position and I think, for me, it would be a time to evaluate whether it's a friendship worth keeping. If someone can't be trusted in this context, in how many others might he resort to deception?

Sorry to sound a bit moralising but I thoroughly disapprove of adultery. Anyone who can risk the happiness and well-being of his partner and, more especially, his children for the price of a legover is not worth knowing. Any proper "man" would be honest with his partner if the relationship was not working - not dodge his responsibilities in such a seedy, clandestine manner. That's my view - take or leave.

[Oswald]

Virtue signalling mega rich celebrities who are rampant hypocrites.

From Paul Joseph Watson:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHnjlQC6Puw

[CARLTON BROWN]

Originally Posted by bloke57

I agree 100%. No so-called friend should be putting you in this position and I think, for me, it would be a time to evaluate whether it's a friendship worth keeping. If someone can't be trusted in this context, in how many others might he resort to deception?

Sorry to sound a bit moralising but I thoroughly disapprove of adultery. Anyone who can risk the happiness and well-being of his partner and, more especially, his children for the price of a legover is not worth knowing. Any proper "man" would be honest with his partner if the relationship was not working - not dodge his responsibilities in such a seedy, clandestine manner. That's my view - take or leave.

Yes, I have to agree with all this. It seems like very fair comment.

[cuzzyman927]

Originally Posted by rosestone

Any thoughts? I can't think of a way of escaping the situation without someone getting upset at me, even though I didn't do anything

I agree with Brian249x, but I will be a little more blunt and direct. That guy's hormones seem to be as active as those little sperms that swim up to fertilize a woman's egg! Once the period of infatuation and happiness fades like the chrome on an old car's bumper he loses interest and becomes bored, pretty much like a child soon becomes bored with a new toy. I have no doubt that when the next girl comes along which gets his dick hard she will become his new heart throb and "one and only" ... and on it goes.

It would be in the best interest for a guy like that to remain single and unattached, and just play the field on a dating basis. If both feel that they need to become "an item" then a set of "ground rules" should be established up front so that later no one gets hurt and let down in the end.

My suggestion to you is don't become involved in his "woes" or give him advice because he probably won't take it, or it won't work for him.

[Devius]

Currently cheesed off by the sacking of Premier League-winning manager Claudio Ranieri by Leicester City:

http://vintage-erotica-forum.com/sho...ostcount=19610

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/39070927

[rosestone]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

That said, when it's about something like that, ask your Mate back if it's right he's asking ya to do that, don't let him make you feel bad, it's his problem and not yours. He shouldn't be putting you in that kind of position, Mates don't do that to each other when it's something of that magnitude. At the end of the day, you're gonna cop it also. If he cannot understand that and put you in the firing line also, he ain't a Mate.

Thanks for all responses guys, it really is helpful when you can get opinions and realise that your own thinking isn't skewed, and I will take the advice.

It does annoy me, but I should say that my mate is a good guy, he's just bad at forward thinking, he meets a woman who'll have sex with him, and she says 'I want to get married' and he says 'Urr, okay', and she says 'I want a baby' and he says 'Urr, okay', and his wife says 'I don't want any more kids, have a vasectomy', and he says 'Urr, okay', then his second wife says 'I want a baby, you'll have to get the vasectomy reversed', and he says 'Urr, okay', and etc etc, then after 18 months he realises he's married to a person who pushes him around a bit and is no longer interested in fulfilling him sexually. I just feel sorry for him and his wife.

I agree with bloke too, affairs are not just hurtful, they're daft and don't help anybody. I think probably my friend is hoping that his will end his marriage quietly and cleanly, and it really really won't.

Cheers guys.

[jehuty34]

Some sound advice given here. No true friend should even think about putting you in that position. If it were me, I'd tell him to go and do one.