Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 113

Havinfun · March 25th, 2017, 05:58 PM

I had to put Gramps in the nursing home last week.
I visited him yesterday and he said he loves the place. I asked him why and he said, "the nurse was giving me a bath and I got an erection, and she gave me a blow job right there on the spot."

I visited him today and he said I had to get him out of there because he hates it there. I asked him why and he said, "I fell down in the hallway and a big orderly fu**ed me in the ass!"

Trying to comfort him, I said, "well, you got a blow job yesterday. You have to take the bad with the good."

He said, "you don't understand! I only get an erection two or three times a year, but I fall down several times a day!"

MaxJoker · March 29th, 2017, 02:24 PM

The girlfriends dog died and she was sobbing so much about him I got her an identical one ,
Now she's got two dead dogs ,
But is she happy ?,
Typical woman.

My great grandfather was on the Titanic ,
As far as I know,
He still is.

Almost got away with screwing a 14 year old girl ,
Managed to persuade the judge I didn't realise she was 14,
Think where I messed up was when saying I`d thought she was 10.

**captpike** · March 29th, 2017, 09:18 PM

New Disney Film
Disney's new film, "Jet Black," the African-American version of "Snow White," has been put on hold. All of the seven dwarfs, Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Looter, Drive-By, Pimp, and Shank, have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes. They also say they have no intention of singing "It's off to work we go".

fireburning · March 31st, 2017, 06:40 PM

How do you satisfy nine out of ten people?
– Gang rape.

What is the similarity between a frying pan and a hooker?
– Both of them can get the sausage to grow.

What do you call a hooker in a wheel chair?
– Four-wheel drive.

MaxJoker · April 1st, 2017, 06:27 PM

Can't believe how ungrateful my ten year old son is ,
Every day for the last year I've been showing him how to masturbate,
Yet he keeps on complaining as to why we have to use my cock.

What`s the best part of having a prostitute die on you ?,
Second hour is free.

**ruffroundedges** · April 2nd, 2017, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

O M F G !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Estreeter · April 5th, 2017, 11:17 AM

What do cannibals do after they dump their girlfriends

Wipe their ass

**SanteeFats** · April 5th, 2017, 01:57 PM

A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."

**seany65** · April 7th, 2017, 10:44 PM

Saw rik mayall do this in a yuotube clip earlier:

Why did the pervert cross the road?

'cos he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.

MaxJoker · April 12th, 2017, 02:51 PM

What do you say if your three year old niece accidentally slips the tongue in when you`re kissing her goodbye,
You don't say anything,
You just try to hide the erection.

March 25th, 2017, 05:58 PM	#1121
Havinfun Member Join Date: Mar 2017 Location: Idaho Posts: 45 Thanks: 285 Thanked 505 Times in 41 Posts	I had to put Gramps in the nursing home last week. I visited him yesterday and he said he loves the place. I asked him why and he said, "the nurse was giving me a bath and I got an erection, and she gave me a blow job right there on the spot." I visited him today and he said I had to get him out of there because he hates it there. I asked him why and he said, "I fell down in the hallway and a big orderly fu*ed me in the ass!" Trying to comfort him, I said, "well, you got a blow job yesterday. You have to take the bad with the good." He said, "you don't understand! I only get an erection two or three times a year, but I fall down several times a day!" __________________ I try my best to give credit to the original photographers, but, if I miss any, I am thankful to them. Last edited by Havinfun; March 26th, 2017 at 05:47 PM..*

March 29th, 2017, 02:24 PM	#1122
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	The girlfriends dog died and she was sobbing so much about him I got her an identical one , Now she's got two dead dogs , But is she happy ?, Typical woman. My great grandfather was on the Titanic , As far as I know, He still is. Almost got away with screwing a 14 year old girl , Managed to persuade the judge I didn't realise she was 14, Think where I messed up was when saying I`d thought she was 10. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 29th, 2017, 09:18 PM	#1123
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,344 Thanked 47,307 Times in 1,164 Posts	New Disney Film Disney's new film, "Jet Black," the African-American version of "Snow White," has been put on hold. All of the seven dwarfs, Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Looter, Drive-By, Pimp, and Shank, have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes. They also say they have no intention of singing "It's off to work we go". __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 1st, 2017, 06:27 PM	#1125
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Sick twisted jokes ahoy ! Can't believe how ungrateful my ten year old son is , Every day for the last year I've been showing him how to masturbate, Yet he keeps on complaining as to why we have to use my cock. What`s the best part of having a prostitute die on you ?, Second hour is free. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 5th, 2017, 11:17 AM	#1127
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,145 Thanks: 449,888 Thanked 896,998 Times in 60,347 Posts	What do cannibals do after they dump their girlfriends Wipe their ass __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 31st, 2017, 06:40 PM	#1124
fireburning Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 223 Thanks: 1,977 Thanked 2,864 Times in 223 Posts	How do you satisfy nine out of ten people? – Gang rape. What is the similarity between a frying pan and a hooker? – Both of them can get the sausage to grow. What do you call a hooker in a wheel chair? – Four-wheel drive.

April 5th, 2017, 01:57 PM	#1128
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 814,061 Times in 60,881 Posts	A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."

April 7th, 2017, 10:44 PM	#1129
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,651 Thanks: 80,415 Thanked 32,734 Times in 3,527 Posts	Saw rik mayall do this in a yuotube clip earlier: Why did the pervert cross the road? 'cos he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

April 12th, 2017, 02:51 PM	#1130
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	What do you say if your three year old niece accidentally slips the tongue in when you`re kissing her goodbye, You don't say anything, You just try to hide the erection. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.