Post your corny jokes - Page 1230

MaxJoker · May 22nd, 2017, 04:38 PM

My granddad has the heart of a lion ,

Plus now a lifetime ban from our local Zoo .

Gin&Tonic · May 22nd, 2017, 07:08 PM

Just heard that the rock band "Dislexia" has agreed to finally release their last album.
After much debate, they have decided to name the album "Our Greatest Shit"

**bp666** · May 22nd, 2017, 08:51 PM

My girlfriend and I are trying to compile a list of songs by The Carpenters.

We've only just begin.

**ruffroundedges** · May 22nd, 2017, 09:13 PM

- The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull,his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

Gin&Tonic · May 22nd, 2017, 10:55 PM

Question ....What's the difference between an Airfix set and Jeremy Corbin?
Answer ....The Airfix set is a glueless kit.

fireburning · May 22nd, 2017, 11:19 PM

Autistic kids rock.

**bp666** · May 23rd, 2017, 10:50 AM

What do you call a snake that's around 3.1415 feet long?

A python.

**bp666** · May 23rd, 2017, 10:51 AM

Funeral costs are so bloody expensive these days.

At my mother-in-law's, after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, we could barely afford the face-painting.

**bp666** · May 23rd, 2017, 08:43 PM

I like my coffee like my women.

White, with big tits and can suck a golfball through a hose.

Starbucks don't do one apparently and now I'm "not welcome" there anymore.

**bp666** · May 23rd, 2017, 08:45 PM

And so God created Eve from Adam's rib.

Makes you wonder what Adam was attempting to do that required the removal of a rib, and gave God the idea to make a woman.

May 22nd, 2017, 04:38 PM	#12291
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	My granddad has the heart of a lion , Plus now a lifetime ban from our local Zoo . __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 22nd, 2017, 09:13 PM	#12294
ruffroundedges Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: In a cave, havn't you been paying attention? Posts: 5,198 Thanks: 79,034 Thanked 95,993 Times in 5,282 Posts	- The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull,his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears." __________________ Pull my finger..... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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May 22nd, 2017, 07:08 PM	#12292
Gin&Tonic Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 49 Thanks: 254 Thanked 528 Times in 42 Posts	Just heard that the rock band "Dislexia" has agreed to finally release their last album. After much debate, they have decided to name the album "Our Greatest Shit"

May 22nd, 2017, 08:51 PM	#12293
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts	My girlfriend and I are trying to compile a list of songs by The Carpenters. We've only just begin.

May 22nd, 2017, 10:55 PM	#12295
Gin&Tonic Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 49 Thanks: 254 Thanked 528 Times in 42 Posts	Question ....What's the difference between an Airfix set and Jeremy Corbin? Answer ....The Airfix set is a glueless kit.

May 22nd, 2017, 11:19 PM	#12296
fireburning Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 223 Thanks: 1,977 Thanked 2,860 Times in 223 Posts	Autistic kids rock.

May 23rd, 2017, 10:50 AM	#12297
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts	What do you call a snake that's around 3.1415 feet long? A python.

May 23rd, 2017, 10:51 AM	#12298
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts	Funeral costs are so bloody expensive these days. At my mother-in-law's, after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, we could barely afford the face-painting.

May 23rd, 2017, 08:43 PM	#12299
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts	I like my coffee like my women. White, with big tits and can suck a golfball through a hose. Starbucks don't do one apparently and now I'm "not welcome" there anymore.

May 23rd, 2017, 08:45 PM	#12300
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts	And so God created Eve from Adam's rib. Makes you wonder what Adam was attempting to do that required the removal of a rib, and gave God the idea to make a woman.