Post your corny jokes - Page 1491

**trailmaster** · July 8th, 2019, 01:07 PM

Teacher: "Little Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand."
Johnny: "My penis in your hand."
Teacher: "What?"
Johnny: "Sorry teacher, I forgot to put a space between pen is."

**gedly** · July 8th, 2019, 05:04 PM

I've just heard that the government might put a tax on farts.
I can see that kicking up a right stink.

**trailmaster** · July 9th, 2019, 12:47 PM

One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently. Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida. Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time. Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period.
He said: "Hell if I know, but my sister said she missed hers and my mom screamed, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy nextdoor killed himself."

**mrfixit** · July 9th, 2019, 07:17 PM

**trailmaster** · July 10th, 2019, 01:59 PM

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says "He's in heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"

**Staffsyeoman** · July 10th, 2019, 03:38 PM

Stalin is sat in his office in the Kremlin one day in early 1940 when there is a tentative knock on the door. "Come!" he barks. One of his secretaries approaches gingerly. "Comrade Stalin... you have a telegram from Comrade Trotsky... I think you should read it..." He rips the paper angrily from the woman's hand.... It says: "Stalin. I was wrong. You are right. You are the true heir of Lenin. Trotsky" Stalin beams, and summons the Praesidium to his presence. When all gathered, he reads it out, proudly. There is much cheering, back-slapping and downing of vodka. Except for Molotov, who has a worried look... "Stalin, I think you are forgetting that Trotsky is Jewish.... you should read it this way.... Ii was wrong?? YOU were right??? YOU are the true heir of Lenin???"

**trailmaster** · July 11th, 2019, 01:07 PM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I suspect that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically , I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe."
"But what does it tell you, Watson?" Watson is silent for a moment.
"Watson, you idiot!" Holmes says, "Someone has stolen our tent!"

MaxJoker · July 11th, 2019, 01:25 PM

Accidentally upset a couple people today by calling them hipsters ,

Supposedly the correct term is "Conjoined twins".

**ball7** · July 11th, 2019, 09:38 PM

I once went to my family doctor and was talking to him about something medical, and his reply was "I'll be right back I have to go google that... I mean look that up".

ssomerfield123 · July 13th, 2019, 09:00 AM

Why do a walruses go to tupperware parties?

Because they love a tight seal.

July 9th, 2019, 07:17 PM	#14904
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,832 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

July 11th, 2019, 01:25 PM	#14908
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Accidentally upset a couple people today by calling them hipsters , Supposedly the correct term is "Conjoined twins". __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 11th, 2019, 09:38 PM	#14909
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,693 Thanks: 66,291 Thanked 210,005 Times in 15,733 Posts	I once went to my family doctor and was talking to him about something medical, and his reply was "I'll be right back I have to go google that... I mean look that up". __________________ Hello, I must be going - Groucho Marx Looking for stills or scenes from the movie Agent BH 44 starring Ian Carmichael.

July 8th, 2019, 01:07 PM	#14901
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,298 Times in 60,079 Posts	Teacher: "Little Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand." Johnny: "My penis in your hand." Teacher: "What?" Johnny: "Sorry teacher, I forgot to put a space between pen is."

July 8th, 2019, 05:04 PM	#14902
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,318 Times in 3,171 Posts	I've just heard that the government might put a tax on farts. I can see that kicking up a right stink.

July 9th, 2019, 12:47 PM	#14903
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,298 Times in 60,079 Posts	One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently. Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida. Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time. Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period. He said: "Hell if I know, but my sister said she missed hers and my mom screamed, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy nextdoor killed himself."

July 10th, 2019, 01:59 PM	#14905
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,298 Times in 60,079 Posts	A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says "He's in heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"

July 10th, 2019, 03:38 PM	#14906
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,269 Thanks: 34,179 Thanked 26,758 Times in 2,160 Posts	Stalin is sat in his office in the Kremlin one day in early 1940 when there is a tentative knock on the door. "Come!" he barks. One of his secretaries approaches gingerly. "Comrade Stalin... you have a telegram from Comrade Trotsky... I think you should read it..." He rips the paper angrily from the woman's hand.... It says: "Stalin. I was wrong. You are right. You are the true heir of Lenin. Trotsky" Stalin beams, and summons the Praesidium to his presence. When all gathered, he reads it out, proudly. There is much cheering, back-slapping and downing of vodka. Except for Molotov, who has a worried look... "Stalin, I think you are forgetting that Trotsky is Jewish.... you should read it this way.... Ii was wrong?? YOU were right??? YOU are the true heir of Lenin???"

July 11th, 2019, 01:07 PM	#14907
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,298 Times in 60,079 Posts	Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I suspect that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically , I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe." "But what does it tell you, Watson?" Watson is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" Holmes says, "Someone has stolen our tent!"

July 13th, 2019, 09:00 AM	#14910
ssomerfield123 Member Join Date: Jul 2019 Location: Somewhere Posts: 18 Thanks: 25 Thanked 392 Times in 18 Posts	Why do a walruses go to tupperware parties? Because they love a tight seal.