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April 7th, 2015, 08:37 PM | #1 |
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Dirty Songs...what's the best you know?
Dirty Songs...what's the best you know?
Last edited by georger; April 7th, 2015 at 10:52 PM.. |
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April 7th, 2015, 08:51 PM | #2 |
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You have obviously not attended an all Boys English School, then gone on to a decent Rugger club and a short service commission in a decent regiment otherwise you would be aware of the glories of such songs as
Eskimo Nell The Ball of Kerrymuir The Good Ship Venus The Mayor of Bayswater and many more. My own favourite is Dinah a lady who uses axle grease because her cunt's so hard. Some girls work in factories, Some girls work in stores, But my girl works in a whorehouse, With forty other whores. I took her to the pictures, We sat down in the stalls, And every time the lights went out, She grabbed me by the balls. She and I went fishing, In a dainty punt, And every time I hooked a fish, She stuffed it up her cunt. I wish I was a silver ring, Upon my Dinah's hand, And everytime she scratched her cunt, I'd see the promised land. Dinah had a puppy, Dinah had a duck, She put them in the bathtub, To see if they would fuck. A rich girl has a bra, A poor girl uses string, but Dinah uses neither, She lets the bastards swing. A rich girl has a ring of gold, A poor girl one of brass, The only ring that Dinah has, Is the one around her ass. A rich girl uses Vaseline, A poor girl uses lard, Dinah uses axle-grease, Because her cunt's so hard. Dinah had a baby, It was an awful shock, She couldn't call it Dinah 'cos, The bastard had a cock. A rich girl uses Kotex, A poor girl a sheet, Dinah uses nothing at all, It dribbles in the street. Dinah had a boyfriend, His name was Tommy Tucker, He took her to the bushes, To see if he could fuck her. Dinah met a fisherman, Fishing for some bass, Instead of catching fish that day, He got a piece of ass. Dinah met a breakaway, She liked the way he rucked, The breakaway liked Dinah, He liked the way she fucked. Dinah met a scrum half, Sat down in his lap, Dinah got the scrum half, The scrum half got the clap. Dinah had two boyfriends, Both named Mitch, One was a son of a baker, The other was a son-of-a-bitch. Dinah met a rugby team, She liked the way they played, The team liked Dinah, They liked the way she laid. A rich girl drives a limousine, A poor girl drives a truck, But the only ride that Dinah has, Is when she has a Fuck. A rich girl uses tampons, A poor girl uses rags, Dinah uses nothing at all, Or shoves up burlap bags. I wish I was a chamber pot, Under Dinah's bed, And every time she took a piss, |
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April 8th, 2015, 09:11 AM | #3 |
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The Mission UK "Love me to death"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8v-4xRIKT8 Love Me To Death Let me come inside your ivory tower Let me come inside your hallowed walls God, it's heaven in here Fix me with your hand of praise Fix me with your touch of precious thrills Your fingers dance across my skin Reaching out for the pride of man Hand in hand, flesh in flesh We're walking through the fire of love Breath by breath, and flame by flame We burn 'til the sun rises and shines hot Love come gushing, love runs free My love comes all over you My love comes for you Love me to death, my flower Run bare fur through my hair Naked on my lips Love me to death, my precious Smother me in kisses Drown me with your waves of falling sweetness Hold me dear, bury me deep Bless me with your word of savage honour We love more by fate than design So give me your hand and I'll gladly give you my life A flower, that sways in the breeze You must be stronger than the winds that blow you away Blow you away Love me to death, my precious Run bare fur through my hair Dance wild on my lips Love me to death, my flower Lay me down on your bed of petals Cover me with your honey, my blossom Love me to death Love me to death Love me to death, my flower Love me to death, my treasure Run bare fur through my hair Dance wild on my lips Love me to death, my precious Love me to death, my love Tarnish, taint and punish me softly Softly love me to death Love me to death |
April 11th, 2015, 02:25 AM | #4 |
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Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies theme.
Gonna tell ya a little story about a man named Jed. The poor mother fucker wore a rubber on his head. Then one day while a fuckin' Emmy-Lou. Out from his dick came a bubblin' crude. Sperm that is. White gold. Mixed with pee. Three months later Jed gotta surprise. When Emmy-Lou's belly started to rise. Six months later what did Jed see? When out from her pussy came Jethro-Bodine! |
April 11th, 2015, 02:38 PM | #5 |
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"Open the door, you fuckin' whore, said Barnacle Bill the sailor..."
Don't really remember most of it...it was 30 years ago when I was in the USAF. Best thing I remember, tho, was going on a trip and the officer escorting us (small enlisted performance group) had heard about the song and wanted to hear it. The problem was...it was a female 1st Lt. We said "Uhhhhh...Ma'am? It's more than a little inappropriate." She almost ordered us to sing it...and then laughed her ass off! |
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April 11th, 2015, 02:42 PM | #6 |
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Faster Pussycat has a few good ones, including "Cathouse", which is about prostitution.
The popular glam metal band Warrant did a song I WON'T EVER play around my parents, because they would flip out: "She's my cherry pie!" Last edited by AmateurEmale; April 11th, 2015 at 02:43 PM.. Reason: typo |
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April 11th, 2015, 10:50 PM | #7 |
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The Rodeo Song
The Rodeo Song (1980)
Garry Lee and Showdown (From Medicine Hat, Alberta) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqsG45QGZK8 Well it's forty below And I don't give a fuck Got a heater in my truck And I'm off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know.... You piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves Well here comes Johnny With his pecker in his hand He's a one-ball man And he's off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know.... You piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves (INSTRUMENTAL) Well it's forty below And I ain't got a truck And I don't give a fuck 'Cause I'm off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know.... You piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves Well here comes Johnny With his pecker in his hand He's a one-ball man And he's off to the rodeo It's an allamande left And allamande right C'mon you fuckin' dummy Get your right step right Get offstage you goddamn goof Y'know.... You piss me off You fucking jerk Get on my nerves --------------------------------------------------------------- From the album "Showdown - Welcome to the Rodeo" Not so dirty but definitely adult content back in 1980. Has been covered by a number of other country artists. |
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April 12th, 2015, 08:21 AM | #8 |
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Momus - Coming in a Girl's Mouth:
What is the cultural meaning of coming in a girl's mouth? Do I wish to feed her or fill her mouth with filth? Is it just to test whether she accepts my messiest mess Or simply paint a funny milk moustache across her face? Or is there in this thrilling ritual something messianic Some sort of baptism by sperm? Like my cock is John the Baptist saying "One day someone greater than me shall come" Or some Moses who leads an entire nation across her tongue To liberation That must be it ..... why else fill a girl's mouth saltily full With a fluid the consistency of honey, tapioca and motor oil? He has a lot more as well - including "The Guitar Lesson" (about an inconclusive encounter between a young man and a 12 year old girl: disturbing because of its dreamy eroticism); "A Dull Documentary" (having sex with a babysitter when the child she is sitting wanders in, with memories of the same thing happening with his own babysitter); "Everything you didn't want to know about my Penis"; "Amongst Woman Only" (a fantasy about a woman masturbating); "The Cabriolet" (a romantic version of JG Ballard's Crash) - as well as the one in my sig. I saw a concert of his once when someone called out "Do a spunk song!" and he did, having at least two to choose from (I think there are more but I can't think of any at the moment). This is only a small selection - he has dozens: witty, engrossing, thought-provoking, beautiful - I like dirty songs as much as the next pervert, but Momus is something more.
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My sperm is not your enemy Hold it in your hand You hold (you know it's true) The future of man! -Momus |
April 12th, 2015, 12:44 PM | #9 |
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Frank Zappa
"Titties & Beer" It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight I heard the scarey wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the aide of me I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big titty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . . 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery I noticed even the crickets Was actin' weird up here So I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . " But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone . . . "Where's those titties I like so well, 'n' my godam beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil , . . He's about this big , . . He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright, I swear I knowed it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know, it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "You sonofabifch!" 'Cause I was mad at him. Well he just got out the floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter. Said: BANG BANG BANG The sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away . . . You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?" YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? "Yeah! titties 'n all!" WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN? "Were the cans this tall?" EVEN HER BOOTS? "Would I lie to you?" SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "Yes, this is true'. 'WELL DON'T THEY PAY Y'ALL GOOD FOR THE STUFF THAT YOU DO? "I can't complain when the checks come through . . '' WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL, DO YOU HEAR! "Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I am fhe Devil, Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here , . '' YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE, THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON I LEARNED WRITIN' FOR . . . GIMME THAT PAPER ... BET YER ASS I'LL SIGN . . . 'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY- SQUEEZIN' TIME! "You can't fool me, man . . . you ain't that bad . . . I mean you shoulda seen some of fhe souls I had . . . Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew too . . . 'n both of fhose suckers was worse 'n you . . "WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL SO ... WHATCHA GONNA DO? [improvised dialog] "No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think ... I mean ... hold on a minute, boy . . . that's Magic Ink!" And then the Devil puked 'N out jumped m'girl They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN' All around the world, she said: "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS, AN' I'M GONNA GET WRECKED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!" And then she gave us the finger, It was rigid 'n stiff, That's when the Devil, he farted An' she went right over the cliff The Devil was mad took off to my pad I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? [etc. repeat] |
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April 12th, 2015, 12:47 PM | #10 |
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Frank Zappa's classic:
"Dinah-Moe Humm" [backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes] I couldn't say where she's coming' from, But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm She stroll on over, say look here, bum, I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum (Y'jes can't do it) She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb She could prove it any time all men was scum I don't mind that she called me a bum, But I knew right away she was really gonna cum (So I got down to it) I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation on her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm, Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Where's this Dinah-Moe Comin' from I done spent three hours An' I ain't got a crumb From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe From the Dinah-Moe Humm Got a spot that gets me hot, ow! An' you ain't been to it (No no no no!) Got a spot that gets me hot, ow! An' you ain't been to it (No no no!) Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it (No no no no no!) Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it 'Cause I can't get into it Unless I get out of it An' I gotta get out of it Before I get into it 'Cause I never get into it Unless I get out of it An' I gotta be out of it To get myself into it (She looked over at me with a glazed eye And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area And she said . . . ) Just get me wasted An' you're half-way there 'Cause if my mind's tore up, Then my body don't care I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin An' said my-my-my What sort of thing Might this lady get high upon? I checked out her sister Who was holdin' the bet An' wondered what kind of trip The young lady was on The forty dollar bill didn't matter no more When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet But she could use a little [?] if I wasn't done yet I told her . . . Just because the sun Want a place in the sky No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try So I pulled on her hair Got her legs in the air An' asked if she had any cooties on there (Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!) She was buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! I was wheelin' an dealin' WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH! She surrender to the feelin' SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED An' she started in to squealin' Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red Some drool rollin' down From the edge of her chin While she spied the condition Her sister was in She quivered 'n quaked An' clutched at herself While her sister made a joke About her mental health 'Till Dinah-Moe finally Did give in But I told her All she really needed Was some discipline . . . Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . . M-M-M . . . it's real angora Would y'all like some more-a? Right here on the flora? An' how 'bout you, Fauna? Y'wanna? MMM . . . sound like you're chokin' on somethin' Did you say you want some more? Well, here's some more . . . (Oh, baby . . . ) Oh, sure . . . look, D'you think I could interest you In a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers? MMM . . . tweezers! Wait a minute, lemme sterilize 'em . . . Gimme your lighter . . . I couldn't say where she's coming' from But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm She stroll on over, say look here, bum, I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum (Y'jes can't do it) I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation on her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm Some Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Some Dinah-Moe An' a little Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' a little Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' some Dinah-Moe An' a Dinah-Moe again An' Dinah-Moe An' Dora too, lil' Dinah 'n Dora An' Dinah-Moe Kiss my aura, Dinah |
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