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December 27th, 2017, 10:11 PM | #12901 |
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My grandma died today on her 104th birthday.
It was ever so sad, we were only half way through giving her the bumps. |
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December 29th, 2017, 12:45 PM | #12902 |
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December 29th, 2017, 07:12 PM | #12903 |
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I told my wife to stuff the turkey.
Since I didn't tell her what to stuff it with. I came home to find my pillow inside the turkey |
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December 30th, 2017, 12:17 AM | #12904 |
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December 30th, 2017, 12:29 AM | #12905 |
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This reminds me of the KTVU news anchor who announced the names of crew members on the Asiana 214 jet:
Sum Ting Wong Wi Tu Lo Ho Lee Fuk Bang Ding Ow https://youtu.be/vuUp0Np7lX4 |
December 30th, 2017, 11:55 AM | #12906 |
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My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop. Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?" He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
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December 30th, 2017, 03:31 PM | #12907 |
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Overheard at the latest AAA meeting:
"I drank to forget" "So did I" "Me too" "Did it work?" "Did what work" |
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December 30th, 2017, 06:20 PM | #12908 |
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"Go ahead and tell me a joke."
"Your marriage" |
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December 31st, 2017, 08:30 PM | #12909 |
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This tweet really happened and it may be the best one of the year!
When I told my parents over the phone that my husband has the flu, my dad said “Have you tried euthanasia?” and in the background my mom yelled “For the last time, it’s echinacea!”
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January 1st, 2018, 11:05 AM | #12910 |
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And the first one of the new year:
'Whales. Animals actually the size of Whales.'
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