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Old 12-03-2017, 04:42 PM   #13131
ball7
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After I climbed Mount Everest, I just knew everything would be downhill from there
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Old 12-03-2017, 08:42 PM   #13132
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My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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Old 12-04-2017, 01:22 PM   #13133
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I got a Jehovah's Witnesses Advent Calender. Opened the first door and there was two of them stood there....
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Old 12-04-2017, 02:41 PM   #13134
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Then there was the one about the priest who phoned God
God put him on hold for the next six hundred years or until Jesus returned
Whatever came first
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Old 12-05-2017, 11:09 AM   #13135
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A blonde walks along the street in the evening. Finally, she comes past a lantern with an attached note saying: 'Apartment for rent, 60 sqm, quiet location.' She thinks to herself: 'Well, my landlord threw me out of the last one. I'm looking for a new one anyway.' So she knocks on the lantern, no reaction. She knocks again, still nothing. A flabbergasted policewoman watches the eerie activity from a distance. Finally she goes to the blonde and asks her what she is doing. The blonde answers: 'See for yourself, this nice apartment is for rent. But it's strange, I've been knocking for ten minutes and no one opens the door.' The policewoman eavesdrop at the lamppost for a while. Then she looks closely at the lantern from the very bottom to the bottom and says, 'Keep knocking, there must be someone at home. The light is on.'
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:17 PM   #13136
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Circles? I mean, where do you start?
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:29 PM   #13137
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Whilst getting the decorations out of the loft I found a 1975 copy of Radio Times or, as it's now called, The Sex Offenders Register.
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:32 PM   #13138
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This really sexy bird looked at my beer belly today and sarcasticly asked "Is it Fosters or Stella?". I replied "there's a tap underneath, taste it".
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:35 PM   #13139
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Prince Harry says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. The Duke of Edinburgh said he doesn't give a fuck, he's still going!
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:40 PM   #13140
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Lionel Messi goes up girl in a club and says "Get your coat senorita, you've pulled". She replied "Wow, you're a little forward!".
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