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Old 11-20-2017, 10:42 AM   #13131
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My wife loves sad movies, and says she can tell how good a movie is by how many tissues she goes through. I have the same system...
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Old 11-20-2017, 10:43 AM   #13132
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Just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing. She’s behind with the washing.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:01 AM   #13133
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"Hello everyone and welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight."
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:02 AM   #13134
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A 6 foot beetle punched me in the face & called me a fat bastard. Apparently there's a nasty bug going round...
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Old 11-22-2017, 03:51 PM   #13135
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Porn? I have issues. I mean tissues.
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Old 11-22-2017, 09:23 PM   #13136
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I've just bought a new sat-nav with a wild west theme, I tried it out for the first time today in South London.

It gave me a route in Tooting in good time
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Old 11-22-2017, 10:03 PM   #13137
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I once knew a man who taught his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. It went from Barking to Tooting in an hour.
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Old 11-22-2017, 10:09 PM   #13138
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I've started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
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Old 11-22-2017, 10:12 PM   #13139
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Start a fire for a man and keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 11-22-2017, 11:37 PM   #13140
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anothercustom View Post
"Hello everyone and welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight."
There was a plastic surgeon there who insisted that the industry had changed beyond recognition.
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