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Old 01-19-2017, 09:38 PM   #12221
deadman76
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My mate kept taking the pi$$ out of me for having a pay as you go mobile phone.
"you got a pay as you go phone, you got a pay as you go phone" he would sing
So in the end i took out a contract..................... and had him killed.
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Old 01-19-2017, 10:54 PM   #12222
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Of course, I've always been a tireless campaigner for suffers of insomnia.
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Old 01-20-2017, 12:44 AM   #12223
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Bilbo burgled a cup from the hoard of the dragon Smaug. This is known. Not as well publicized was the theft of Smaug's private journal. An excerpt:

Dear Diary,
I may need spectacles. During a foray I mis-gauged the air-to-ground distance and ate a half mouthful of sod with my peasant. It wasn't half bad! I shall call the meal SERF AND TURF.
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Old 01-21-2017, 03:42 AM   #12224
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I just accidentally swallowed a bag of Scrabble tiles. I'm so scared. My next dump might spell disaster. ..
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Old 01-21-2017, 09:50 AM   #12225
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Staffsyeoman View Post
My next dump might spell disaster. ..
A relatively small bag of just 8 tiles, then.
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Old 01-21-2017, 03:33 PM   #12226
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I just found out my wife had me cloned and has been seeing him behind my back. Is she cheating on me??
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Old 01-21-2017, 10:57 PM   #12227
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As a prying child looking for confiscated videogames I discovered my mom hides my gameboy way better than she hides her strap-on.
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Old 01-22-2017, 01:53 AM   #12228
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SanteeFats View Post
I just found out my wife had me cloned and has been seeing him behind my back. Is she cheating on me??
I thought the movie Multiplicity could have used a few 3-way scenes. Except for the third guy, that pizza-eating, tongue-shaving spazz.
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Old 01-22-2017, 03:45 AM   #12229
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SanteeFats View Post
Is she cheating on me??
... or with you? Maybe depends on the position?
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Old 01-22-2017, 01:03 PM   #12230
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My friend married a beautiful Native American woman called 'three horses', didn't last long though, apparently all she did was nag, nag , nag!
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