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Old 04-12-2016, 09:54 AM   #11131
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Someone tried to speak with me at 50kHz. I've never heard such talk!
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Old 04-13-2016, 11:40 PM   #11132
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A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up..

The doctor tells him "You need to stop masturbating."

The man asks, "Why?"

. . .

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"


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Old 04-14-2016, 03:28 AM   #11133
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Guy goes in for the colonoscopy.
Asks "Where should I hang my pants?"
Doc says "Over there, next to mine."
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Old 04-14-2016, 02:14 PM   #11134
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Three Irish women were passing the time of day on the street corner which just happened to be opposite the local whorehouse. And when the rabbi went in the door, there was a great clucking of tongues. Next to enter was the Episcopal minister. "Can you believe it?" said one woman to the others. "The state of the clergy today is positively disgraceful."
Last to enter was Father Flanigan.
"Ahh," said the women, "she must be very sick!"
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Old 04-14-2016, 02:45 PM   #11135
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I've often wondered if there are quite as many Rabbis in Ireland as there are in Irish jokes. What think ye the chances, O'Santee?
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Old 04-14-2016, 04:01 PM   #11136
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"Has a child my parent's forced me to walk the plank. They couldn't afford a proper dog".

(Gary Delaney).
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Old 04-15-2016, 05:39 PM   #11137
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I've been wondering why I should convert to Islam. After months of racking my brain I've come up with only 1 reason.

If I became a muslim, and got on a train on which there was only standing room, all I'd have to do was shout "allah o akbar" and there's sure to be lots of spare seats by the time the doors shut.
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Old 04-15-2016, 07:56 PM   #11138
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A man ended up in hospital today with a toy horse lodged up his arse , the doctors have described his condition as stable


Two bishops were discussing the decline of morals in the modern world. "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her name?"
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Old 04-15-2016, 09:52 PM   #11139
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The dog's just caught a cold. He's got this terrible barking cough.
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Old 04-17-2016, 07:02 AM   #11140
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Went to see my psychiatrist about my OCD he didn't cure me but he did let me tidy his office.

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