Post your corny jokes - Page 1272

**bp666** · September 20th, 2017, 08:14 PM

I'm in a really good place right now...

Not emotionally......I'm just at the bottle shop.

captain fanta · September 20th, 2017, 10:07 PM

It's been reported that there's a bloke running around our village sticking a size 10 knitting needle up people's arses.

The police reckon he's working to a pattern...

**captpike** · September 21st, 2017, 03:33 PM

MaxJoker · September 22nd, 2017, 02:09 PM

A friend just phoned to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to Spinal Column,

"Can I call you back ?" I asked.

**bloke57** · September 22nd, 2017, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

A friend just phoned to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to Spinal Column,

"Can I call you back ?" I asked.

It wasn't his choice - he was lumbared with it.

**Mal Hombre** · September 22nd, 2017, 03:12 PM

That joke struck a cord with Me..

**DoctorWho** · September 22nd, 2017, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

A friend just phoned to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to Spinal Column,

"Can I call you back ?" I asked.

You have got to be kidding me!!.. That guy has some NERVE...

- - -

**bloke57** · September 22nd, 2017, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

That joke struck a cord with Me..

You've taken my words completely out of cortex.

**gedly** · September 22nd, 2017, 10:13 PM

**photoflex** · September 25th, 2017, 07:15 AM

Spare a thought for poor ole Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair.
After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.

The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1."
"I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please".
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir".
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
"I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please."
O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary."
"I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof".
"I will never use this bar again".

"OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

September 21st, 2017, 03:33 PM	#12713
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,303 Thanked 47,306 Times in 1,164 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 22nd, 2017, 02:09 PM	#12714
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,513 Times in 69,067 Posts	A friend just phoned to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to Spinal Column, "Can I call you back ?" I asked. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 22nd, 2017, 03:12 PM	#12716
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,635 Thanked 855,661 Times in 57,565 Posts	That joke struck a cord with Me.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 25th, 2017, 07:15 AM	#12720
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,920 Thanked 127,769 Times in 3,570 Posts	Spare a thought for poor ole Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair. After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary." Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England". "That is remarkable value", Michael comments. "I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1." "I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please". Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame". "I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir". O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3." O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager". "I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please." O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?" "Of course I do Mr. O'Leary." "I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof". "I will never use this bar again". "OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

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September 20th, 2017, 08:14 PM	#12711
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts	I'm in a really good place right now... Not emotionally......I'm just at the bottle shop.

September 20th, 2017, 10:07 PM	#12712
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,777 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	It's been reported that there's a bloke running around our village sticking a size 10 knitting needle up people's arses. The police reckon he's working to a pattern...

September 22nd, 2017, 10:13 PM	#12719
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,306 Times in 3,171 Posts