Did You Ever Accidentally See Your Parents Having Sex/Find Sexy Photos of Your Parents?

[USBPepsi]

That's right, the most sensitive, freakiest subject around. See, last night I put up a lengthy response over in the First glimpse of pussy hair thread, part of which was the (not unusual) admission that the first pubes I had ever seen were on my mother. Then this morning I made another admission over in the Amateur Wives and Girlfriends thread, and it got me to thinking: There are a lot of things from our early years that we don't really talk about in polite company. Seeing as this is not a particularly sensitive bunch, however...

So, the question remains: Did you accidentally see your parents having sex? Did you run across "sensitive" photos? Some guys can't even think about it without having to reach for the nearest wastebasket. Still, you know what they say: Confession is good for the soul. And if you're like me, and are a bit skeptical about the whole idea of a "soul", then confession is at least good for the psyche.

I must admit that I, more than most people, find it a little easier to talk about these things. There are a couple reasons for this: Firstly, twenty-some years of writing has me trained to confront even the most delicate and sensitive of my memories. Secondly, what openness I didn't gain from writing, I picked up during a couple years of therapy. I quickly found that psychologists wanted a guy to talk about everything, and the less that guy wanted to talk about something, the more important it was supposed to be. Supposed to be, anyway. In some ways I'm as skeptical about psychology as I am religion. However, I grudgingly admit that therapy did help me in at least one or two ways, the above-mentioned openness being one of them.

Wow, seems pretty dramatic, doesn't it? I guess it all has to do with circumstances. There are situations in which a kid could see his parents doing it that would hardly register at all. For example... (cue the harp, as I fade back in the mists of time)

When I was a very young child (we're talking, like, maybe five years old) my family was dirt poor. Even though we lived in a fairly big house (rented), it was an extremely old house with almost no heating. As a result, over half the rooms in the place were closed off in the winter, and at night I was forced to sleep in a tiny bed (almost a crib) in the corner of my parents' bedroom.

One of my earliest memories, then, is waking up in the middle of the night and seeing my parents doing something very strange. They were mostly covered up, but my mother was calling out instructions to my father. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but it sounded like it hurt real bad! After a minute or so of staring and wondering, I decided that my father, who was holding onto my mother's bare back, must be helping her to pop an extremely stubborn and painful zit. It had to hurt bad, because my Mom was letting out little moans, even as she told Dad "a little to the right; yeah, that's it". Yeah, it was a zit, all right. Even though my father was also making weird noises, which was a bit odd, what else could it be?

It was at that moment that my Dad noticed that I was awake. Now, as an adult I've heard all sorts of unpleasant stories of how parents reacted when their kids caught sight of them doing it. My Dad, though, just smiled at me and said, "Hey, _______, having trouble sleeping? I bet I can get back to sleep before you! Whoever wins gets a quarter." I immediately ceased my wondering over this zit, and buried my head in my little pillow. I was out like a light within a minute, I bet.

As one might suspect, it was several years before I guessed that, hey, that wasn't any zit!

That was the last time I actually saw anything, at least in person. In my post-pubescent years I would occasionally hear suspicious moans in our (now different) house, but I knew enough at that point to know that I didn't want to know.

Now... As I said, that was the last time I saw anything in person. Sadly, though, it wasn't the last time that I caught sight of my parents in general.

Once I was firmly in the grasp of puberty, you see, I did the usual teen boy things, including digging around in places I shouldn't have, looking for my father's secret porn stash. Unfortunately, my Dad must have been overly confident that none of his kids would ever find his stash, or perhaps thought that we were sufficiently intimidated by him that we would never look for it. He was almost correct; unfortunately a teenage boy's desire for porn almost always overrides his survival instincts.

If my Dad had known his youngest was so porn-crazed, he probably would have kept the personal photos in a different, much more secure, place. I'm sure he didn't want me to find the pictures of Mom. I certainly wish I hadn't.

These photos, which I found in a large manila envelope smack on top of the magazines, were not memories that I particularly enjoy having wedged into my mind for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, there they are, and unless at some point I suffer some severe brain injury, there they're going to stay.

Obviously, the most damaging factor was that these were nude pics of my mother. Nude pics of my mother enjoying being photographed. Sure, I had seen my mother naked before, but never like this. A look of lust on your nude mother's face is something that any sane child would want to avoid.

Unfortunately, though, it didn't end there. There was the additional point that these photos were not of the fairly innocent "tee hee, I'm naked!" variety. No, these were more like if a man fairly unschooled in photography had shot a pictorial for Private Magazine.

...Aaaaand I just figured out the main reason I hate facials.

I put the pictures back quickly. Very quickly. I'm pretty sure a couple of them started to smoke from the speed of re-entry into the envelope. Unfortunately, in this case out of sight was most definitely NOT out of mind.

I'd like to say that I never saw those photos again. I'd like to say that.

The next question concerning those photos is pretty obvious. The answer is "no comment". There is a point at which openness ends, even for me. All I can say is that unlike the sins of the father, which are often visited upon the son, the sins of the son can be partly erased with the eventual demise of the parents. My parents never wanted me to dwell in guilt on any of my shortcomings, and I'm sure this would not have been an exception. I am sure as hell glad, however, that the subject never came up. If either of my parents ever suspected that I had seen anything, they were as anxious as I to leave it unsaid. Leaving things unsaid is often the secret to a family remaining happy and healthy.

---

And now that I've traumatized you all by proxy, any tales (possibly far more innocent, maybe not) that you wish to share? As my psychologist often said, this is a safe place. That's why we have usernames.

[headlessbill]

Oh Dear God..!!!!!...LOL....You poor man..!!!!!

I have to say....I am fortunate enough to never have witnessed such parental shenanegins!....
But found it VERY hard to stifle a giggle at your misfortunes Polar!

Traumatic....but VERY entertaining!!!!!!

[Estreeter]

No

And if I did, I certainly wouldn't be sharing it here amongst porn addicts

[tony_grego]

No, and never have been possible...
...my parents never had sex.

Salut !

[MaxJoker]

No , because as luck would have it by the time i was old enough to change my own nappies (28 years ) they`d settled into the comfortable role of hating each other

Have walked in on myself having sex though

Barely been able to look in my own eyes since

[rotobott]

I think I was there at my conception, but I've blocked it out.

[USBPepsi]

Wow, look at all the replies! Quite a surprise. Why is it I always forget to subscribe to my own threads?

[buggeration]

I never actually saw my parents having sex - heard them though!

[eelcat]

I hadn't lucky enough, but my wife wasn't so fortunate. A few years ago she was going through her dads desk looking for something and just happened to come across a nude photo of him.
She claimed she needed 10 years of therapy to get over it

[technoallah]

I must say polartrade that I found your post real interesting to read, thank god I never found any photos, those damning images burnt forever into your mind and I never caught them in the action as by the time I probably knew what it was all about they had divorced.. a few years later however I was staying with my dad and I walked past the door and caught a glimpse of him with the woman he left my mother for. It was more pain than disgust I suffered in that instance though. Gives me shivers when I think of it and luckily I think this is the first time I've thought about it since it happened!