Post your corny jokes - Page 1293

Aaron · January 14th, 2018, 06:11 AM

I got my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, "Thank you!"

I said, "Don't mention it!"

**gedly** · January 14th, 2018, 10:26 AM

So I said to my doctor, "Doctor, can you do anything about this steering wheel on my scrotum? It's driving me nuts".

**Mister Fide** · January 14th, 2018, 11:25 AM

Patient: Doctor!........ Doctor!.........everyone keeps ignoring me.

Doctor: Next.

dazza2 · January 14th, 2018, 12:42 PM

I used to organise the filofax for a mafia gang

...i was deep in organised crime

Milton Jones..genius

dazza2 · January 14th, 2018, 12:43 PM

Impress your friends with your wildlife knowledge by telling the difference between a crocodile and alligator by the one you see later and the one you see in a while

**ball7** · January 14th, 2018, 10:58 PM

I lost my wife in a bushfire

Who knew using gasolin to remove pubic hair was a bad idea.

Aaron · January 17th, 2018, 12:28 AM

Did you hear that a pig went down in an airplane disaster?

That story was a crashing boar, dahling!

**mrfixit** · January 17th, 2018, 03:07 AM

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

**effCup** · January 17th, 2018, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrfixit

he notices a red “M” on her chest
girlfriend at Wisconsin

The inverted W might be a bit lower down than her chest?

**photoflex** · January 20th, 2018, 10:02 PM

@michaellegge

Wonderful performance of Amadeus at The National Theatre tonight.
Really impressed with the cast.
Every time the audience looked up from their phones,
the actors stopped doing the wanker sign immediately.

January 17th, 2018, 03:07 AM	#12928
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 166,060 Thanked 114,860 Times in 9,416 Posts	A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

January 20th, 2018, 10:02 PM	#12930
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,584 Thanks: 37,948 Thanked 127,846 Times in 3,571 Posts	@michaellegge Wonderful performance of Amadeus at The National Theatre tonight. Really impressed with the cast. Every time the audience looked up from their phones, the actors stopped doing the wanker sign immediately. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

January 14th, 2018, 06:11 AM	#12921
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	I got my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thank you!" I said, "Don't mention it!"

January 14th, 2018, 10:26 AM	#12922
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,347 Times in 3,173 Posts	So I said to my doctor, "Doctor, can you do anything about this steering wheel on my scrotum? It's driving me nuts".

January 14th, 2018, 11:25 AM	#12923
Mister Fide Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Nearly there Posts: 892 Thanks: 23,075 Thanked 17,988 Times in 890 Posts	Patient: Doctor!........ Doctor!.........everyone keeps ignoring me. Doctor: Next.

January 14th, 2018, 12:42 PM	#12924
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,854 Times in 189 Posts	I used to organise the filofax for a mafia gang ...i was deep in organised crime Milton Jones..genius

January 14th, 2018, 12:43 PM	#12925
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,854 Times in 189 Posts	Impress your friends with your wildlife knowledge by telling the difference between a crocodile and alligator by the one you see later and the one you see in a while

January 14th, 2018, 10:58 PM	#12926
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,713 Thanks: 66,355 Thanked 210,204 Times in 15,753 Posts	I lost my wife in a bushfire Who knew using gasolin to remove pubic hair was a bad idea.

January 17th, 2018, 12:28 AM	#12927
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	Did you hear that a pig went down in an airplane disaster? That story was a crashing boar, dahling!