What I Know About Females

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by MisterMacky

They love good manners. At least the one's who like me.

And they have a gift for seeing right through those good manners when you're trying too use them for less than noble purposes..............so quit acting

[MisterMacky]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

And they have a gift for seeing right through those good manners when you're trying too use them for less than noble purposes..............so quit acting

I never act.
Except when I mean to.

[TCO95]

I have a red headed mother and five red headed sisters.
First thing I learned "It don't take much to set them things off."
If we didn't need females for breeding there would be a f**king bounty on them and I would be fabulously wealthy.
This is what I know.

[olivierd]

MisterMacky, you write:
They love attention, especially when they feel center spot light of your day
They like well dressed men
They need validation. Constant reassurance.
They love good manners. At least the one's who like me.
You have a very angelic view of women it's very nice.
I am the opposite of what you say, yet I meet women, you have an explanation?

[MisterMacky]

Originally Posted by olivierd

MisterMacky, you write:
They love attention, especially when they feel center spot light of your day
They like well dressed men
They need validation. Constant reassurance.
They love good manners. At least the one's who like me.
You have a very angelic view of women it's very nice.
I am the opposite of what you say, yet I meet women, you have an explanation?

Maybe I am a little slow this morning.
What are you asking me?

[Rick Danger]

(1) They have the innate ability to contradict themselves within the same argument.

(2) Oddly enough, the most beautiful women I've been fortunate to know gave head the most freely.

(3) While I wasn't smart enough to marry one who gives head, I at least married one who is a superb cook. So I can't complain. I guess.

(4) A woman who wears short dresses, tight pants, or plunging necklines knows that she has the legs, ass, or breasts to go with the garment. And she knows that YOU know too.

(5) The majority of women don't drive cars. They operate them. They wouldn't put gasoline (petrol to you lads) in the tank except they know the car won't run without it. When I met my future wife, she had a two year old Chevy with 95,000 miles on it and the ORIGINAL tires. Ouch !

(6) All the talk about liberated, empowered, strong women. Yet 95% of the women I've know wait for the man to make the first move. Despite all the "empowerment" their egos still require that they be pursued.

(7) I can think of a few women who I thought were absolutely fabulous but didn't think they were anything special. And I've known a few who thought they were goddesses and were absolutely peeved that I didn't think the same.

(8) Women love to ask 'trap' questions. If walking along the mall your wife says "What a beautiful woman" and you answer "Oh, yes she is" - BUZZ. You're dead. The correct answer is "I'm sorry honey, I didn't see her" (while you quickly wipe the drool off your chin).

You have to learn to keep yourself under iron control at all times. We walked into a restaurant off Times Square once. The hostess was absolutely spectacular: tall, brown skinned, with fabulous breasts like ripe csaba melons, wearing a dress with a plunging V neckline. My eyes almost popped out of my skull as I exclaimed "LET'S EAT HERE !!!" I immediately grimaced, because I realized my over-enthusiasm had let the cat out of the bag. My wife growled "I don't want to eat here". Man, I blew that one.

My wife once asked me "Do you think I need to lose some weight ?". If you say "yes" - BUZZ. She's now upset because you called her 'fat'. If you answer "no" - BUZZ. She's now thinking "He's lying. What else is he lying to me about ???". So I answered the only way I could. I told her "Remember honey, I fell in love with one woman, not two". Her jaw practically hit the floor. But funny, she never asked me that question again !

(9) If you are single without a girlfriend, women won't waste the time of day on you. But if you are single (or married) with a lady, esp. if she's hot, and you might as well hire a bodyguard. Of course if you cheat, it's all your fault. Ask Tiger Woods. You can't tell me that none of those chippees who threw their panties at him didn't know he was married. They didn't care. But somehow it was all his fault. Which leads me to my final comment.....

(10) It's always the man's fault. Women cannot, WILL NOT except any responsibility for the ending of a relationship. She's hanging with a guy that everyone in town has told her is no good. But when things break apart, it's all his fault. Married a guy for his money, not for love. Again, it's not my fault. Got caught cheating on your husband ? It was HIS fault.

I actually asked one of my sisters why she didn't date "nice" guys. Basically, she found nice guys too 'dull'. So I questioned her "How can you then go around crying 'All men are dogs ???'. It's not that all men are dogs. It's that all men YOU CHOOSE TO DATE are dogs.". But yet they're all ready to go onto the "Oprah" show crying how men have used and abused them. Baloney.

[olivierd]

Originally Posted by MisterMacky

Maybe I am a little slow this morning.
What are you asking me?

Sorry, my English is not perfect. I mean even if you are not nice, you can meet women, what do you think of this?

You write "Maybe I am a little slow this morning." It's 04:20 pm? What is the hour of the beginning of the afternoon in your country?

[MisterMacky]

Originally Posted by Rick Danger

(1) They have the innate ability to contradict themselves within the same argument.

(2) Oddly enough, the most beautiful women I've been fortunate to know gave head the most freely.

(3) While I wasn't smart enough to marry one who gives head, I at least married one who is a superb cook. So I can't complain. I guess.

(4) A woman who wears short dresses, tight pants, or plunging necklines knows that she has the legs, ass, or breasts to go with the garment. And she knows that YOU know too.

(5) The majority of women don't drive cars. They operate them. They wouldn't put gasoline (petrol to you lads) in the tank except they know the car won't run without it. When I met my future wife, she had a two year old Chevy with 95,000 miles on it and the ORIGINAL tires. Ouch !

(6) All the talk about liberated, empowered, strong women. Yet 95% of the women I've know wait for the man to make the first move. Despite all the "empowerment" their egos still require that they be pursued.

(7) I can think of a few women who I thought were absolutely fabulous but didn't think they were anything special. And I've known a few who thought they were goddesses and were absolutely peeved that I didn't think the same.

(8) Women love to ask 'trap' questions. If walking along the mall your wife says "What a beautiful woman" and you answer "Oh, yes she is" - BUZZ. You're dead. The correct answer is "I'm sorry honey, I didn't see her" (while you quickly wipe the drool off your chin).

You have to learn to keep yourself under iron control at all times. We walked into a restaurant off Times Square once. The hostess was absolutely spectacular: tall, brown skinned, with fabulous breasts like ripe csaba melons, wearing a dress with a plunging V neckline. My eyes almost popped out of my skull as I exclaimed "LET'S EAT HERE !!!" I immediately grimaced, because I realized my over-enthusiasm had let the cat out of the bag. My wife growled "I don't want to eat here". Man, I blew that one.

My wife once asked me "Do you think I need to lose some weight ?". If you say "yes" - BUZZ. She's now upset because you called her 'fat'. If you answer "no" - BUZZ. She's now thinking "He's lying. What else is he lying to me about ???". So I answered the only way I could. I told her "Remember honey, I fell in love with one woman, not two". Her jaw practically hit the floor. But funny, she never asked me that question again !

(9) If you are single without a girlfriend, women won't waste the time of day on you. But if you are single (or married) with a lady, esp. if she's hot, and you might as well hire a bodyguard. Of course if you cheat, it's all your fault. Ask Tiger Woods. You can't tell me that none of those chippees who threw their panties at him didn't know he was married. They didn't care. But somehow it was all his fault. Which leads me to my final comment.....

(10) It's always the man's fault. Women cannot, WILL NOT except any responsibility for the ending of a relationship. She's hanging with a guy that everyone in town has told her is no good. But when things break apart, it's all his fault. Married a guy for his money, not for love. Again, it's not my fault. Got caught cheating on your husband ? It was HIS fault.

I actually asked one of my sisters why she didn't date "nice" guys. Basically, she found nice guys too 'dull'. So I questioned her "How can you then go around crying 'All men are dogs ???'. It's not that all men are dogs. It's that all men YOU CHOOSE TO DATE are dogs.". But yet they're all ready to go onto the "Oprah" show crying how men have used and abused them. Baloney.

/THREAD

[-Edge-]

My wife has a magnet on the refrigerator that pretty much sums it up:

"If a man talks, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong??"

.....and...... My wife just asked me if I think she should get botox. I said "No."
She said that she wants to so she can look pretty for me.

I told her not to and that she is more attractive now than when she was 20. (and she really is)

Her response: "So are you trying to tell me that I was ugly when I was young?"

Men can't win.!

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by MisterMacky

/THREAD

Does that mean they know how too use a needle and thread