Post your corny jokes - Page 1035

WURZ · November 25th, 2015, 05:40 AM

My wax museum is going to start small...............By focusing on famous people who look like candles..............

WURZ · November 25th, 2015, 05:42 AM

Don't worry if you can't spell the word 'Armageddon'......... It's hardly the end of the world......

**SanteeFats** · November 25th, 2015, 01:52 PM

• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after the 12-carat Blue Moon diamond sold at auction for $48.5 million: “OK, what’d Kobe Bryant do this time?”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on

Michael Phelps ‘ fiancee expecting a baby boy: “So it looks like yet another Phelps swimmer just won a race.”

**gedly** · November 25th, 2015, 06:54 PM

Robert Lindsay in a film with David Essex? That'll Be The Day!

**Mal Hombre** · November 25th, 2015, 08:19 PM

Sadly,My Gladiator movie project got the thumbs down...

**SanteeFats** · November 25th, 2015, 09:18 PM

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.

**photoflex** · November 26th, 2015, 12:18 AM

A friend of mine said he wanted to get a new car, a "Honda Cubitus".
Yep, doesn't know his cars from his elbow.

________________

No thanks to original posters, this time this is the original post!

**gmcbee** · November 26th, 2015, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Sadly,My Gladiator movie project got the thumbs down...

Curiously enough, thumbs down meant "Yes, you can stay on Earth. You can live." Thmubs up meant "No, you get to die and go to the Gods."

How do I know this? I've read the books. Plus, I have a time machine. I wrote the books.

EDIT: you'll know because it says "thmubs" in the early editions.

BigDog44 · November 26th, 2015, 09:28 AM

Got pulled over by a cop the other night "Been drinking have we sir?" He said.
"Drinking?" I replied "How can we have been drinking, I've never seen you before in my life!"

"You can't argue with him when he's had a few!" My girlfriend chipped in.

Next thing I'm out of the car telling him my life story before blowing into a breathalyser "What do you do for a living?" He asks.
"I'm an arsehole stretcher!" Replies I "What does that entail?" He asks
"Well" says I "you start off with one finger, then two, then three, then a fist, then both hands and you keep pulling until you get it out to about six foot!"
"Fuck off!" he says "What do you do with a six foot arsehole?"
"Give it a patrol car and a breathalyser!" Jail cells aren't so bad you know :P

**Mal Hombre** · November 26th, 2015, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gmcbee

Curiously enough, thumbs down meant "Yes, you can stay on Earth. You can live." Thmubs up meant "No, you get to die and go to the Gods."

I knew that,Honestly but "Sadly My Gladiator movie project got the thumbs up" would just confuse people.And to be precise it should be the thumb against the throat for death, Hic Habet! (Give it to Him Here)

November 25th, 2015, 05:40 AM	#10341
WURZ Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 335 Thanks: 4,303 Thanked 9,673 Times in 306 Posts	My wax museum is going to start small...............By focusing on famous people who look like candles.............. __________________ FTW..AFU

November 25th, 2015, 05:42 AM	#10342
WURZ Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 335 Thanks: 4,303 Thanked 9,673 Times in 306 Posts	Don't worry if you can't spell the word 'Armageddon'......... It's hardly the end of the world...... __________________ FTW..AFU

November 25th, 2015, 08:19 PM	#10345
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,187 Thanks: 773,298 Thanked 856,434 Times in 57,618 Posts	Sadly,My Gladiator movie project got the thumbs down... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 26th, 2015, 12:18 AM	#10347
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,584 Thanks: 37,948 Thanked 127,846 Times in 3,571 Posts	A friend of mine said he wanted to get a new car, a "Honda Cubitus". Yep, doesn't know his cars from his elbow. ________________ No thanks to original posters, this time this is the original post! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first. Last edited by photoflex; November 26th, 2015 at 01:04 AM..

November 26th, 2015, 09:28 AM	#10349
BigDog44 Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 93 Thanks: 17,158 Thanked 1,358 Times in 93 Posts	Got pulled over by a cop the other night "Been drinking have we sir?" He said. "Drinking?" I replied "How can we have been drinking, I've never seen you before in my life!" "You can't argue with him when he's had a few!" My girlfriend chipped in. Next thing I'm out of the car telling him my life story before blowing into a breathalyser "What do you do for a living?" He asks. "I'm an arsehole stretcher!" Replies I "What does that entail?" He asks "Well" says I "you start off with one finger, then two, then three, then a fist, then both hands and you keep pulling until you get it out to about six foot!" "Fuck off!" he says "What do you do with a six foot arsehole?" "Give it a patrol car and a breathalyser!" Jail cells aren't so bad you know :P __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. God created woman, man created porn... art... porn I get confused still a great combination

November 25th, 2015, 01:52 PM	#10343
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,920 Thanks: 282,089 Thanked 815,471 Times in 60,965 Posts	• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after the 12-carat Blue Moon diamond sold at auction for $48.5 million: “OK, what’d Kobe Bryant do this time?” • NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on Michael Phelps ‘ fiancee expecting a baby boy: “So it looks like yet another Phelps swimmer just won a race.”

November 25th, 2015, 06:54 PM	#10344
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,347 Times in 3,173 Posts	Robert Lindsay in a film with David Essex? That'll Be The Day!

November 25th, 2015, 09:18 PM	#10346
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,920 Thanks: 282,089 Thanked 815,471 Times in 60,965 Posts	Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody." Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.