Lewd Limericks

[sueryan]

There once was a man from Uppingham
Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham
Watching the stunts
of the cunts in the punts
And the tools of the fools who were fucking 'em

[Gooey Blob]

There was a young lady from Hitchin
Who kept scratching her crotch in the kitchen
Her mother said "Rose,
it's crabs I suppose"
She said "Bollocks, get on with your knitting."

[Estreeter]

Jack and Jill went up the hill

so Jack could lick her fanny

Jack got a shock

and a mouthful of cock

coz Jill was a damned tranny

[Sunny-Boy]

There was a young man from Kent
Whose penis was terribly bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went

[navman10]

There was a young man from Boston
Who bought himself a new Austin
He had room for his gas, his gloves, and his ass
but his balls hung out and he lost 'em.

[rustler]

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
ten thousand volts shot up its arse
and now its wool is nylon!

There was a young girl called Jill
who used a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina in North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil!

There was a young girl from utoxeter
to whom all the young men flashed their cocks at her
but she had the pox before all their cox
and she poxed all the cocks in Utoxeter.

[moreteavicar]

There was a young man from Brazil
Who swallowed a dynamite pill
His arse backfired
His balls retired
and his cock landed over the hill

There was a young man called Crocket
Who went to the moon in a rocket
The rocket went bang
His knickers went twang
And his balls ended up in his pocket

[sueryan]

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

A policeman from Clapham junction
Whose tool would no longer function
Was a cause of great strife
To his lady wife
who had to make do with his truncheon

an alternative

A policeman from near Clapham Junction
whose penis had long ceased to function,
deceived his poor wife
for most of her life
with some snot on the end of his truncheon

[rustler]

There was a young girl from Tonga
Who used to diddle herself with a conger.
When asked how it feels
To be pleasured by eels,
She said, "Just like a man, only longer."

[rustler]

There was a young girl from Kilkenny
Who'd go all the the way for a penny
But for half of that sum
You could finger her bum
A source of amusement for many!