Lewd Limericks

[Mal Hombre]

A couple of Victorian examples :

There was a young man from peru
Who had nothing whatever to do
So He pulled out his carrot
And buggered his parrot
And sent the result to the zoo

There was a young lady from Diss
Went down to river to piss
A man in a punt
Shoved His pole up Her cunt
And gave Her the exquisite bliss

And one of My Own:
The boy stood on the burning deck
Eyes moist with emotion
He gave a cough
His balls dropped off
And rolled into the ocean

[Ogri]

The lass I brought home was a prize,
with an alluring set of blue eyes,
her breasts, so well kept,
were what I’d expect,
but her penis was quite a surprise.


There was an old man from China,
Who wasn’t a very good climber,
He fell on a rock,
Split his cock,
And now he’s got a vagina.


There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one.”
She said, “Pardon my soul,
but you’re in the wrong hole.
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”

[Mufflover]

Asked a young fellow named Harden,
Being sucked by a wench in a garden,
"Just what do you do
With all of that goo?"
And she replied "*gulp* Beg your pardon?"

[mrfixit]

There once was a man from Nantucket.
Whos dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin.
As he wiped off his chin.
"If my ear was a cunt I could f**k it."

[Fan]

A young lady who lived in Devizes
Had breasts that were two different sizes:
One was so small
It was no good at all,
The other so large it won prizes

[Ogri]

A circus midget named Pitts
Was subject to passionate fits;
But his pleasure in life, was to suck off his wife
While he swung by his knees from her tits.

There was a young girl from Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny
For half of that sum
You could roger her bum
A source of amusement to many.

[Ogri]

Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered
And when the price of pork went up
She shot the little bastard

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have some hanky panky
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy
then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle
All over the bedside clock
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of electric shock

[Gladeways]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who sunbathed on the beach in the nude.
A man on the sea front
shouted "Show us your cunt!"
Out loud...like that....Fucking rude!


There once was a poet named Wood
whose poetry was really quite bad.
He tried time after time
to make the lines fit
but they were too short.

[Gladeways]

Sing a song of sixpence
a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds
baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened,
all the birds were dead.

[Ogri]

There was a young girl from Throgmorton
Who had one long tit and a short 'un.
To make up for that,
She'd a hairy great twat,
And a fart like a 650 Norton.

There was a young lady from Kent,
With a cunt of enormous extent.
It was so deep and so wide,
The acoustics inside,
Caused an echo whenever you spent.

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who dreamed she was sleeping with God.
‘Twas not the Almighty,
Who pulled up her nightie,
‘Twas Roger, the lodger, the sod.

There was a young man from Coblenz
Whose balls were quite simply immense:
It took forty draymen
A priest and three laymen
To transport them thither and hence.