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Old 03-30-2018, 09:57 AM   #13521
Silklover
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Anybody see that news item today about the world shortage of dwarves?
No, not us 3 feet under.
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Old 03-30-2018, 11:49 AM   #13522
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The local plastic surgeon has published coupons in the news paper for breast augmentation surgery. I'd take it more seriously if they weren't called "Tits Chits."
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Old 03-30-2018, 04:41 PM   #13523
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My mate went on holiday but the airline ended up losing his luggage......................he took them to Court but lost his case

Last edited by dazza2; 03-30-2018 at 09:37 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 03-30-2018, 05:56 PM   #13524
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If all coppers are bastards,Are They still the legitimate authority ?
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Old 03-30-2018, 06:06 PM   #13525
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Exclamation Gentlemen under the age of ten years, please sit on your hands!



"Not recommended under the age of 10 years!"


... actually that warning refers to a Crazy Horse show broadcasted on french tv ...
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Old 03-30-2018, 06:09 PM   #13526
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I've got some builders working on my house next week. They're called J. Wayne and C. Eastwood Builders. I hope they're not a pair of cowboys.
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Old 03-30-2018, 09:51 PM   #13527
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
I've got some builders working on my house next week. They're called J. Wayne and C. Eastwood Builders. I hope they're not a pair of cowboys.
The foreman is G. Campbell. Rhinestones on his tool belt are pretty!
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Old 04-01-2018, 03:29 PM   #13528
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Once there was a magical mirror.
 When you told the truth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said, “I think I’m the smartest one.”
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said, “I think I’m the prettiest one.”
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good-looking boyfriend, and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said, “I think…” *poof* 
Then she suddenly disappeared forever!
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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Old 04-01-2018, 07:23 PM   #13529
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A couple that'll be obscure even for other Brits:

I think James Bond should marry Brooke Kinsella, then she'll be Brooke Bond.

I think P.G. Wodehouse should marry Crystal Tipps and take her second name, then he'll be P.G.Tipps.
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Old 04-01-2018, 07:35 PM   #13530
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My Mum was a keen spiritualist. She only ever drank whisky, vodka, gin, brandy, rum and vodka.
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