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Old 03-14-2018, 10:43 AM   #13471
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Quote:
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I had sex with a pig
Too late to advise: don't tell the police.
Constable or a higher rank?
... uniform or plainclothes (in mufti/drag)?
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Old 03-14-2018, 01:33 PM   #13472
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1. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

2. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

3. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

4. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

5. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

6. What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

7. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

8. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

9. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

10. What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?

There are twenty of them.
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Old 03-15-2018, 06:30 PM   #13473
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I have decided that I will no longer post on Post Your Corny Jokes.
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Old 03-15-2018, 11:32 PM   #13474
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Inspired by a song on the radio, a fellow went to New York and got a gig dancing at Radio City Music Hall.

He's now the Rockette Man.
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Old 03-16-2018, 03:32 PM   #13475
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11. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

12. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss.

13. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

14. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

15. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

16. What’s the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

17. How is a girlfriend like a laxative?

They both irritate the shit out of you.

18. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?

The man.

19. Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

20. What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.
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Old 03-16-2018, 06:46 PM   #13476
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Quote:
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I have decided that I will no longer post on Post Your Corny Jokes.
I was only joking!
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Old 03-17-2018, 01:19 AM   #13477
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
I will no longer post on Post Your Corny Jokes.
Starting like you mean to continue?
Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
I was only joking!
Welcome back.
Now, there's some corn over there that needs husking.
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Old 03-17-2018, 02:14 AM   #13478
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21. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

22. Why do walruses love a tupperware party?

They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.

23. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

24. Why did God give men penises?

So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

25. What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

26. What did the penis say to the vagina?

Don’t make me come in there!

27. What do a woman and a bar have in common?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

28. What’s another name for a vagina?

The box a penis comes in.

29. What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

30. What do you call two jalapeños getting it on?

Fucking hot!
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Old 03-17-2018, 02:50 PM   #13479
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31. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

32. What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

33. How is life like a penis?

Your girlfriend makes it hard.

34. Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really.

35. What do you call a guy with a small dick?

Just-in!

36. What do you call a guy with a giant dick?

Phil!

37. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A private tutor.

38. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?

A cherry float.

39. Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

40. How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:44 PM   #13480
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A Pakistan Army private (jawan in local military slang) was trying to get a few days off to see his new bride. He was posted along the border with India. His commanding officer continuously denied his repeated requests for leave of absence.

One morning, after his shift, the private went to his commanding officer once again and repeated his request.

“Here is my offer,” the commander came up with an innovative way of denying the poor soldier’s wish. “If you bring me an Indian tank as booty I will let you go for a month.”

“Very good, sir.” The soldier saluted and left the tent.

The very next morning, after a very calm and quiet night, the jawan was again face to face with his superior officer.

“Sir, you’ll be proud of me. I’ve got it,” chirped the beaming soldier. “It’s parked outside.”

The commander could not believe it. A brand new shiny tank with Indian military markings was in fact parked outside his tent, several hundred meters away from the border in Pakistani territory.

“Alright, Jawan! I’ll approve your one month leave. But you have to tell me something first,” the officer was genuinely curious. “How did you manage such a feat?”

“It’s simple, sir,” the soldier changed his position to at-ease. “When Indian jawans need time off, they borrow our tanks too.”
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