Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum
Home
Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies
Best Porn Sites Live Sex Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old December 20th, 2008, 04:06 AM   #41
goldentaurus2001
Veteran Member
 
goldentaurus2001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Germany
Posts: 653
Thanks: 7,141
Thanked 37,182 Times in 654 Posts
goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+goldentaurus2001 175000+
Default Programming is like Sex

Because:

* One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. (Boris Becker)
* Once you get started, you’ll only stop because you’re exhausted.
* It takes another experienced person to really appreciate what you’re doing.
* Conversely, there’s some odd people who pride themselves on their lack of experience.
* You can do it for money or for fun.
* If you spend more time doing it than watching TV, people think you’re some kind of freak.
* It’s not really an appropriate topic for dinner conversation.
* There’s not enough taught about it in public school.
* It doesn’t make any sense at all if you try to explain it in strictly clinical terms.
* Some people are just naturally good.
* But some people will never realize how bad they are, and you’re wasting your time trying to tell them.
* There are a few weirdos with bizarre practices nobody really is comfortable with.
* One little thing going wrong can ruin everything.
* It’s a great way to spend a lunch break.
* Everyone acts like they’re the first person to come up with a new technique.
* Everyone who’s done it pokes fun at those who haven’t.
* Beginners do a lot of clumsy fumbling about.
* You’ll miss it if it’s been a while.
* There’s always someone willing to write about the only right way to do things.
* It doesn’t go so well when you’re drunk, but you’re more likely to do it.
* Sometimes it’s fun to use expensive toys.
* Other people just get in the way.

Greetz
goldentaurus2001
__________________
A kings home is his castle, a sailors home is the sea,
a girls ass and a glass of beer is home enough for me!
goldentaurus2001 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to goldentaurus2001 For This Useful Post:
Old December 22nd, 2008, 09:14 PM   #42
icu
Ups, i did it again
 
icu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,305
Thanks: 6,077
Thanked 23,941 Times in 2,082 Posts
icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+icu 100000+
Default

Ok, ... but could it be critically to open a bra without a gravity algorithm
icu is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to icu For This Useful Post:
Old December 24th, 2008, 07:56 AM   #43
Potatoe
Senior Member
 
Potatoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 101
Thanks: 4,788
Thanked 4,243 Times in 103 Posts
Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+Potatoe 10000+
Default


Last edited by Potatoe; December 24th, 2008 at 10:23 AM.. Reason: too big
Potatoe is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Potatoe For This Useful Post:
Old December 24th, 2008, 02:48 PM   #44
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run in front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to motte For This Useful Post:
Old December 24th, 2008, 02:49 PM   #45
motte
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: born in USSR....
Posts: 13,884
Thanks: 54,621
Thanked 526,483 Times in 15,186 Posts
motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+motte 2500000+
Default

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn’t come home one night The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:
A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there.
__________________
Lena or just L.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
motte is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to motte For This Useful Post:
Old December 26th, 2008, 12:13 AM   #46
welshworrier
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 49
Thanks: 15
Thanked 1,181 Times in 49 Posts
welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+welshworrier 5000+
Default

Q. Why aren't there any dumb brunette jokes?
A. Peroxide.

;----------------------------
All the blondes in America decided to have a convention to try and dispell their 'image' problem.
One blonde is asked up on stage to try and prove to the world that they are not all dumb.

The host starts off with a simple question - "whats 2 and 2?"
She thinks for a while and then says triumphantly "5"
The audience groan and a chant starts to ring out "give her another go, give her another go!"

The host agrees and gives her another go.
After another protracted silence she shouts "3"
Again the audience groan and "give her another go" starts being chanted.

Once more the host asks her the question "what is 2 and 2?"
After 2 minutes of concentration she bravely says "4.....?"
From the audience then starts the chant....."give her another go, give her another go"
;--------------------------

Three statisticians go hunting and a bird flies across their view.
The first aims his gun and fires. Unfortunately he shoots 3 feet too high and misses.
The second takes aim and fires, his shot goes 3 feet too low and misses the target.
The third statistician then shouts "Great! We hit it!"
welshworrier is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to welshworrier For This Useful Post:
Old December 27th, 2008, 07:48 PM   #47
HBT731
Member
 
HBT731's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: WestTennessee
Posts: 32
Thanks: 91
Thanked 412 Times in 32 Posts
HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+
Default

Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.

After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years."

She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion".

"OK" he says, "you're fucking ugly as well!"
HBT731 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to HBT731 For This Useful Post:
Old December 27th, 2008, 07:53 PM   #48
highviolet
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Madison, Wi
Posts: 27
Thanks: 52
Thanked 191 Times in 27 Posts
highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+highviolet 1000+
Default

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking by a park. They notice a little boy on the swing set. The Priest says "Hey, let's go fuck that little boy". The Rabbi says "Out of what?"
highviolet is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to highviolet For This Useful Post:
Old December 28th, 2008, 04:27 PM   #49
HBT731
Member
 
HBT731's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: WestTennessee
Posts: 32
Thanks: 91
Thanked 412 Times in 32 Posts
HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+HBT731 1000+
Default

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."
HBT731 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to HBT731 For This Useful Post:
Old January 3rd, 2009, 11:26 PM   #50
buttsie
Porn Archeologist
 
buttsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: earth
Posts: 12,714
Thanks: 92,252
Thanked 241,139 Times in 12,746 Posts
buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+buttsie 1000000+
Default 15 Chinese Translations of English Movie Titles

http://www.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/385.html

15> "Pretty Woman" - "I Will Marry a Prostitute to Save Money"

14> "Face/Off" - "Who Is Face Belonging To? I Kill You Again, Harder!"

13> "Leaving Las Vegas" - "I'm Drunk And You're a Prostitute"

12> "Interview With The Vampire" - "So, You Are a Lawyer?"

11> "The Piano" - "Ungrateful Adulteress! I Chop Off Your Finger!"

10> "My Best Friend's Wedding" - "Help! My Pretend Boyfriend Is Gay!"

9> "George of the Jungle" - "Big Dumb Monkey-Man Keeps Whacking Tree With Genitals"

8> "Scent of a Woman" - "Great Buddha! I Can Smell You From Afar! Take a Bath, Will You?!"

7> "Love, Valour, Compassion!" - "I Am That Guy From Seinfeld So It's Acceptable for Straight People to Enjoy This Gay Movie"

6> "Babe" - "The Happy Dumpling-to-be Who Talks And Solves Agricultural Problems"

5> "Twister" - "Run! Ruuunnnn! Cloudzillaaaaa!"

4> "Field of Dreams" - "Imaginary Dead Baseball Players Live in My Cornfield"

3> "Barb Wire" - "Delicate Orbs of Womanhood Bigger Than Your Head Can Hurt You"

2> "Batman & Robin" - "Come to My Cave and Wear This Rubber Codpiece, Cute Boy"

and the Number 1 Chinese Translation of an English Movie Title...

1> "The Crying Game" - "Oh No! My Girlfriend Has a Penis!"
buttsie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to buttsie For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 08:27 AM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.